Abbreviated Bulletin:

Or, The Bull, for short...

Abbreviated Bullet

Not a short Bullet… we got enough short guys in the BDFL – some with, and some without the “*short man complex,” Adam, Dog, KP, Parks (not in physical stature, but short in mental capacity). They know who they are. So the Bulletin will not go into that, just move through the real action on the field in Week Two of the BDFL.

Prewitt’s Armadillos Dominate Against Mildcats:

We’re not saying anything more about people being short (although we’ve already received calls, texts, and tweets about Butch and Jerry James being left off the list). At any rate, short or tall, fat or thin, it didn’t seem to matter in Week Two as the Duncanville Armadillos came “armed to fight” and gave the James Gang a big, old-fashioned A.W. The whole Prewitt family celebrated the vict’ry at the Commissioner’s house – and called it “tailgating,” – while the Wildcats returned home to Where Are the Now with their tails between their legs and their heads bowed in ignominious defeat.

Dogs Come up Short vs. ‘Nauts:

The Jugtown Juggernauts shot down the Brookside Dogs in Week Two, 39-23, in a game that was never close. The Bra Burners were on fire in Week Two and Mr. Burr paid the price with another embarrassing loss. If you are keeping score at home (and we know you are), that’s 0-2 for the Dogs, who are adopting a strategy this season of “naut” peaking too soon… so far, so good. COMMISSIONER'S EDITORIAL NOTE: Dogs are really 1-1, but nothing ever gets in the way of Bullet's rambling BS.

Woo Crew Administers A.W. to Three Toed Tree Dwellers:

The Son of Slim paid host to the Smoke Rise Woosiers this weekend and paid the price by getting their tails kicked in fine fashion by the Woo Crew. In the official BDFL Handbook, that’s called an A.W. It’s also called an A.W. in the Bulletin. In the social media world, it is called an A.W. also, but is sometimes spelled out in characters and symbols and looks something like this: @$$ %#!&&!^+.

Powersleds Protest and Lose Twice to Commissioner:

Jack Slovensky’s Fairfield Powersleds finished in a 25-25 tie against the Mineral Springs Grenadiers, and they thought they’d have a fair chance in overtime. Fat chance, the Mean Machine lost to the Commissioner by virtue of not having the longest scoring play. Then, the Sleds protested and they lost again to the Commissioner. They don’t call him “Iron Hand” for nothing. FYI: The Commissioner invented that nickname for himself. Bullet got his legitimately from T.K. Morton and for being slow, and Jaimie got his (Bocephus) from his former Troy State University teammates. Apparently, “Pistol” didn’t stick for the Commissioner and he got jealous and tried to pick his own nickname, and that never works.

Cheetahs Dispatch the Pixie Dusters, 21-10:

A lot of times in the BDFL, we get a final score that looks a lot like a legitimate football score. This is one of those occasions. The Southside Cheetahs defeated the Pasco County Wizards, 21-10. No word on whether Butch is a grand dad yet… perhaps someone will text me with the good news, when the time comes. RTR.

Druid City Blitz Up-Ends the Gamblers, 27-14:

A lot of times in the BDFL, we get a final score that looks a lot like a legitimate football score. This is one of those occasions. The Druid City Blitz beat the Gulf Coast Gamblers 27-14 in Week Two action. So, the “Host with the Most,” but not at much as Dog, is a happy winner and the “Real Deal,” Kenny Breal is a sore loser, but is in line to be the next driver of the Gus Bus.

Wooden Warriors Get Scalped by the Mayors at Legion Field:

“This is closest game I ever lost at Legion Field,” said Jaimie after his Wooden Warriors were edged by the Magic City Mayors, 19-18, at the Old Gray Lady. “We used to play here a lot in the old Metro days in the Shug-Bear Bowl, and we’d get killed after going undefeated in the regular season. So, it wasn’t that bad to come back here and actually lose a close one. I really glad UAB is back to playing here. I just wish I could find a parking spot.”

Slovaks Howl After Upsetting Bullets, 16-8:

“Holy crap! I just realized I beat up on Bullet this weekend,” emailed ASlo. “I’ll have to drink some beers and bust out a rap tonight! Fear the Slovaks.” So, is the Bulletin a day late because of some alleged gas line spill, or is it because the Bullets lost to the Slovaks?

* “Short Man Complex” or "Napoleon Complex" is a term describing a theorized condition occurring in people of short stature. It is characterized by overly-aggressive or domineering social behavior, and carries the implication that such behaviour is compensatory for the subject's stature, for being “sawed off,” a “mighty might,” etc. The term is also used more generally to describe people who are driven by a perceived handicap to overcompensate in other aspects of their lives. Other names for the purported condition include Napoleonic complex, Napoleon syndrome, and Short Man syndrome. The Napoleon complex is named after Emperor Napoleon I of France. The conventional wisdom is that Napoleon compensated for his lack of height by seeking power, war, and conquest. Read more about it in history books and try not to depend too much on the new-fangled Internet.

“It’s all about the kids.”

It might be all about the kids, but sometimes it’s about Daddy keeping his day job so he can afford to buy the G.I. Joe with Kung-fu grip, Star Wars Legos, Madden-17, and a homecoming dress.

Meanwhile in the Jr. BDFL:

So, check your email in the next day or so for the Jr.BDFL scores from Week Two.

“It’s all about the kids” Educational Nugget:

See “short man complex” above.