EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY*

ASlo Finally Slowed as Nauts Down Slovaks to Restore Order to the Galaxy:

The runaway freight train know as the “ASlo Express,” (formerly the Pi Cap Caravan) has finally been brought to a peaceful stop and order has been somewhat restored in the BDFL Galaxy. The Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks have been defeated and the excess noise over cyberspace has been reduced significantly. The rapping has ended - for now - and the owners, general managers, and coaches in Fantasy Football can get some rest for their eyes and ears. In Week Six, the Jugtown Juggernauts did the league a favor by defeating the EuroTrash Talkers, 30-16, at Rocket Stadium in God-fearing Gardendale, Alabama. It seems the ghosts of Chris and Jaimie Hand – together - were stronger than the ghost of Ron Slovensky and his 4 field goal game back in 1969.

Armadillos Almost Taste Bitter Pill of Defeat for 1^st Time in 2016:

The 2016 season started like a dream for the Duncanville Armadillos after K.P. moved his team from Duncanville, Texas to Duncanville, Alabama (on Highway 82, just east of Eden, er… T-Town). He was able to use his “A-Club” connections to get his son into the Capstone, and parlay that into a visit to the sidelines at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Then he worked his connections at the CTSN into a quasi-permanent resting crib in the swanky Presidential Neighborhood, practically in the shadow of the Bear Bryant statue. All of that good karma added up to a 5-0 start in the BDFL. However, ol’ Bocephus rained on his parade – just a couple of weeks after the homecoming parade – to almost give the ‘Dillos their first loss of the season in the BDFL. It almost happened. The Wooden Warriors led the Armadillos by six going into Monday Night Football. But, K.P. got 24-points out of RB-“Big” Johnson/ARZ on MNF to defeat the Woodies, 38-20 in an epic comeback. K.P. & Company are currently celebrating at Mt. Cody’s Place in Duncanville with Oyster, Qualls, Mo Sanford, Tward, and Sholley.

Dogs Bite Sloths:

The Bulletin sure is mentioning a lot of teams in the old, proverbial, Null Set Club this season in the BDFL, and for good reason. First the Slovaks are doing better than ever, the ‘Nauts are NOT sucking, the ‘Dillos are going well, and get this – the Brookside Dogs are rolling right merrily along so far in 2016. The Rubber Magnet, the Sultan of Synaflex, the Big Boss Man (Mark Burr – we’re looking for some better nicknames) has it going on this year on the Banks of the Five Mile Creek. In Week Seven, the Dogs bit the Sloth Monsters, 35-21. Brookside is celebrating its favorite son (outside of Slovak families) who is off to a 4-2 start this season. The party at Wayne’s Place, the VFW lodge, and the memorial at the site of the old, burned down school was still going strong at press time… as Brookside celebrates. There has not been a Dodie Goode, John Foster, Booger Bass, or Dwight Slowees sighting as of yet.

Bullets Win Again – Stretch Winning Streak to Three:

Don’t look now, but the Benton Bullets are on a roll. The Bullerino unleashed H. E. Double Hockey Sticks on the Gulf Coast Gamblers down in Biloxi over the weekend. All of that “growing up” around D.K. and the original Naut, not to mention the basement, penny ante poker games in Brookside, and the Indian Poker have finely tuned the gambling skills of Bullet. So, a trip to the Gulf Coast is kind of like a walk in the park to the Boys from Benton. The Bullets earned the vic’try by doubling-down, and doubling up the “Real Deal,” 24-12, for their third straight vict’ry as Bullet’s quest to get back the Grand Daddy Trophy continues.

Grenadiers Blindsided by the BioCats:

The Commissioner got killed by the Wildcats in Week Seven, 20-10. This one was not pretty (as no losses to the Where Are They Now Wildcats are). The Mineral Springs Grenadiers were thoroughly embarrassed by the James Gang in a game that was just not competitive. “We looked like the Vols out there,” said a beleaguered Commissioner following a long drive back to T-Town from Five Points West. “We looked like a bunch of mullets,” continued the Commish, searching for the proper adjectives to convey the significance of his most recent defeat. As for the BioCats, they felt vindicated with the upset vict’ry viewing it as a potential turning point in their season. “We knocked his #!@& in the dirt!” said an elated Mr. James in the swirling smoke of the victorious locker room, “Cigars all around after defeating the Commissioner on the third weekend in October.”

Mayors Grab Toilet Seat in Loss to Cheetahs:

In the match-up of the BDFL’s most elder statesmen, it was the Mayors that lost to the Grandfathers in A.W. fashion. Old Butch – a relatively new grand dad – steamrolled the Cronies at Legion Field, as his Southside Cheetahs hammered the Magic City Mayors, 32-6, in a complete mismatch. Butch celebrated the vict’ry in typical fashion with a trip to Valley Avenue, and in a gesture of sportsmanship, he let the honorable Mayor tag along. The trip reportedly eased the pain for A.A., who got to take home the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for Week Six.

Woosiers Rebound by Beating DaBlitz:

It’s been quiet in Blount County this season… yeah, too quiet. But, that eerie silence coming from Smoke Rise is starting to subside somewhat. The Woosiers finally played like they were capable and snatched a crucial vict’ry over the Druid City Blitz in Week Six, 31-17. If Tommy T. learned anything from Crane, Uptain, and Rusty in their years together in T-Town its simply that you can’t let a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad year, get in the way of a good time. So, expect the Woo Crew to build on this win, stay true to their nature, to NOT peak too soon, and be right in the thick of the competition come Pucker Factor time during the stretch run in the BDFL. As for the Druid City Blitz, they’ll return to T-Town and regroup and maybe start carving on some of the big pumpkins they picked up on their inglorious Hayden Hayride.

Wizards Whip Sleds:

The Bulletin had to check the score twice and review WARTS three times, but it still came out looking just the same, as every picture tells a story. In this one, the Pasco County Wizards gave the Fairfield Powersleds an A.W., 36-19, as Jack Slovensky certainly felt some time feeling inferior.

Every Picture Tells a Story:

Spent some time feeling inferior, standing in front of my mirror / I combed my hair in a thousand ways, but I came out looking just the same / Daddy said, son, you better see the world / I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave
But remember one thing, don't lose your head to a woman that'll spend your bread. / So I got out!

Paris was a place you could hide away, if you felt you didn't fit in. / The French police wouldn't give me no peace, they claimed I was a nasty person / Down along the left bank, minding my own, / I was knocked down by a human stampede / I got arrested for inciting a peaceful riot, when all I wanted was a cup of tea. / I was accused!

I moved on… / Down in Rome I wasn't getting enough, of the things that keep a young man alive. / My body stunk, but I kept my funk, at a time when I was right out of luck. / And, getting desperate, indeed I was… looking like a tourist attraction. / Oh, my dear, I better get out of here, for the Vatican don't give no sanction. / I wasn't ready for that!

I moved right out east. / On the Peking ferry I was feeling merry, sailing on my way back here. / I fell in love with a slant-eyed lady by the light of an eastern moon. / Shanghai Lil never used the pill, she claimed that it just ain't natural.
She took me up on deck and bit my neck. / Oh, people, I was glad I found her. / Oh, yeah, I was glad I found her.

I firmly believed that I didn't need anyone but me. / I sincerely thought I was so complete. / Look how wrong you can be. / The women I've known I wouldn't let tie my shoe. / They wouldn't give you the time of day. / But the slant-eyed lady knocked me off my feet. / Man, I was glad I found her!

And if I had the words I could tell to you, to help you on your way down the road. / I couldn't quote you no Dickens, Shelley or Keats, / 'Cause it's all been said before, make the best out of the bad, just laugh it off. / You didn't have to come here anyway, so remember…

Every picture tells a story don't it?

Part 2 - Prophecy Fulfilled:

After Mike Shula’s 1-3 run against the Tennessee Volunteers, and after the 5 OT fluke, and the “Fat Phil” follies, and the overall stinking luck of the Vols for a time period over the Crimson Tide, Jerome “Bullet” Hand said, “If we ever beat these guys again, we’ll beat ‘em ten times in a row (to make up for all this crap).” Well, thanks to the Earth getting back on its axis and the climate returning to normal (and UT hiring Derek “Son of Vince” Dooley and Butch “Bad Haircut” Jones) the prophecy has been fulfilled. Alabama has now defeated Tennessee ten times in a row, and that’s not even the longest streak ever. That happened from 1971-1982 when the Tide beat the Vols 11-straight. Thank you very little. (*IMG pic – See celebratory pic at former home of the Fieldstown Flyers / Bomb Squad)

“It’s all about the kids,” Jr. BDFL Update:

Hey kids, you’re in luck. We’ve included the Jr. BDFL Update in this week’s Bulletin. Enjoy.

In a couple of “Sibling Showdowns,” in Week Six, the Onion Turtles (Samuel Burr) destroyed the Grizzly Burrs (Jacob) and the Lowndes County Labradors (Milton Hand) edged the Benton Butterflies (Meredith Hand) by one. A full list of scores and standings is below.

Standings by total points (after six weeks):