The Bulletin

One of these Senators earned a college scholarship from the prestigious Selma Quarterback Club

Mayors Rule – Dominate the Bandits:

If October was special in Birmingham with the Magic City Classic and what not, how good has November started off for the proverbial Magic City Mayors. In the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL), the Mayors scored a whopping 59-points on the first weekend of November, to cruise to a big vict’ry over the Altadena Bandits in Week Nine. It was a landslide win for the Cronies. With the win, Mayor Arrington proved that Birmingham is bigger than Jefferson County, and any quasi-position Old Barry holds with the county, is far inferior to the “Magic City.” The final score was 59-25, placing the game in the A.W. column and as the lead story in the award-winning The Bulletin. The Mayors win over the Bandits pushes the Cronies record to 6-3 on the season, while the defeat places the Bandits deeper and deeper into the Pucker Factor Poll territory with an opposite mark of 3-6.  

A.W.’s Continue – Commissioner Crushes Cats:

More A.W.’s dotted the “schedule and results” page in the scoreboard section of The Birmingham News following Week Nine in the BDFL. Next up in the “box score” was this result: Grenadiers 42, Wildcats 6. That’s right, The Commissioner topped the “James Gang” by 36-points, which probably qualifies as an “Epic @$$-whipping.”    

Another A.W. – Sloths Slam Bullets:

Another A.W. this past weekend occurred on the banks of the Alabama River down in the heart of the Black Belt in Lowndes County in the tiny town of Benton, Ala. (pop. 41). The homestanding Benton Bullets entertained the Sloth Monsters. But Bullet’s bribery of fried chicken and ice-cold brew backfired like a rusty 4-10 on a Saturday Morning dove shoot by Old Town Creek. The blow back in the face of the Benton Bullets was embarrassing in front of the home folks. The game turned out to be one-sided with the “Son of Slim” coming up with a huge 28-4 vict’ry on the road. The Three Toed Tree Dwellers were thrilled with a win, which have been hard to come by in 2021. Mukes only advanced to 3-6 in the standings, but “you gotta start somewhere.” Bullet’s efforts did not go un-noticed. His team captured the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for Week Nine in the BDFL.  

Armadillos Break Out – Joust the Juggernauts:

Another team that started Week Nine action in serious trouble was the Duncanville Armadillos. K.P.’s “Texas Team” was staring down the barrel of a 2-6 start to the 2021 season in the BDFL. So, K.P. took matters into his own hands and visited an NFL Stadium (Charlotte’s home for the Carolina Panthers) to get his “Opossums on the Half Shell” turned around. The visit worked for the Armadillos – they won – the Panthers lost to Mac Jones and the New England Patriots. However, it was a good weekend for K.P. & Company. The final score was 34-18, but the Jugtown Juggernauts didn’t really put up much of a fight. And now, after nine weeks of action in the BDFL, the ‘Nauts and the ‘Dillos are both 3-6, and looking up at a lot of other teams in Fantasy Football land.  

Cheetahs Win Again – Squeak Past Bellcows:

The team that everyone in the BDFL is looking up to in the "record category" is the Southside Cheetahs. Old Neal, if you’ll remember, don’t need us around any how. And, if you’ll recall, Mr. Butch, is rolling, baby in 2021 in the Big Daddy Football League, with the emphasis on “big daddy.” The past weekend, the Cheetahs moved to 8-1 on the season with another close win. The Sin Wagon rolled past the Fieldstown Bellcows, 26-21. The loss drops Belrose to that ignominious 3-6 with several other BDFL teams, who are going to jam-pack the next edition of the “Pucker Factor Poll.” Meanwhile, the Cheetahs can just sit back, smoke a cigarette, and talk about the good old days (and post pictures on social media of his grand-kids).  

Blitz Wins – Nips Gamblers in a Close One:

The most competitive game in Week Nine in the BDFL took place just outside the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, Mississippi. In the outfield where the Double-A Biloxi Shuckers play, the Gulf Coast Gamblers played host to the Druid City Blitz. This match-up looked pretty even on paper, and on the outfield-turned-gridiron, and on the gambling boards inside the sports books at all of the casinos. It’s amazing how many times the bookies are right. Actually, most oddsmakers and experts had the Dixie Mafia favored by a couple-and-a-half. But, it was the Fritz Gritz Blitz that turned the tables, beat the odds, and pulled out a clutch vict’ry on the road by the final score of 21-19. It turns out that the key to vict’ry for daBlitz was a “rabbit’s foot” they kept on a key-chain in their front pockets that brought ‘em luck in the face of detrimental odds along the Gulf Coast.  

Dogs Dive – Lose to Lowly HDBS:

The results are in from Brookside, Alabama from Week Nine in the Big Daddy Football League. The surging Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) dominated the Brookside Dogs on the banks of the Five Mile Creek to notch a 25-11 win. Super Banker turned Mr. Drysdale, Synaflex Rubber tycoon, had no answer against the country bumpkins from Blount County. The Blue Deacons played inspired football and ran “Mark’s Mutts” right off the field and into the den of their Momma’s house on the same side of the railroad tracks as Brookside Ballpark, but figuratively on the “wrong side of the tracks.” To celebrate, Bishop found his way to the “other side of the tracks,” to the VFW to celebrate his vict’ry in the BDFL.  

Monday Night Magic – Freebirds Comeback vs. Sleds:

Jammin’ Jaimie Hand and Mad Jack Barnes stunk it up for three quarters in their Week Nine BDFL match-up. Neither team could not get out of their own way, and couldn’t protect the passer, and could not run the football. (That’s a triple negative in the King’s English, but an apt description of this snoozer of a game in Fantasy Football cyberspace.) The Fultondale Freebirds and the Fairfield PowerSleds slopped their way into Monday Night Football with a clear winner still not in sight, but with the “Mean Machine” holding a slight edge. “Tuesday might be gone,” said Hime Hand, “but, we can still do some damage on Monday Night.” In this particular case, Old Bocephus was right. His former Wooden Warriors “rallied behind Ronnie,” and picked up enough points from their place-kicker, to deal a defeat to the Sleds, 15-9. Jaimie then ripped Ronnie James Dio and Edgar Winter off the turn table and played some “old honk,” in celebration of his come-from-behind vict’ry.  

Week Nine the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The Junior League had a number of it’s Week Nine games drag out until Monday Night Football. The closest of those contests was the Brother Battle between Matthew and Milton Hand. At one point during the game, the score was 130.88 to 130.24. It was a close one. The Selma King Henry Southpaws (Matthew) – who may have to change their nickname with Derrick Henry being out with an injury – finally surged ahead of the Lowndes County Labs (Milton). The key to vict’ry for the Southpaws was the trade for Najee Harris (in the absence of King Henry), who lifted the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Southpaws to a clutch win. Milton has lost a number of close games this season, but he’s already turned his attention to basketball, with their first game (varsity this season) scheduled for November 16. Two members of the JrBDFL received scholarships from the prestigious Selma QB Club. Those members were Morgan Academy place-kicker Wade Mason (Ironlegs) and Senators’ long-snapper and offensive lineman, Matthew Hand (King Henry Southpaws). Congratulations to these fine young men.

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