The Bulletin

Jackson Barnes (82) celebrates Briarwood's win over Corner to finish the regular season at 9-1

"We've been on this shift too long"

Magic City Classic Does Not Disappoint – Mayors Rule:

This October was special in Birmingham. The 80th Magic City Classic was held at the “verable Gray Lady on Graymont,” historic Legion Field. The Bulldogs of Alabama A&M halted a three game losing streak in the annual contest by defeating Alabama State, 42-28. Fun times were had by all of the folks that attended except for the Hornets head coach, who was fired after the game. But, fun times were had by many, including the Magic City Mayors. Arrington’s Cronies had just as good of a day as Aqeel Glass (Ala. A&M’s QB) and the Mayors captured a big BDFL win over the Druid City Blitz, and the Mayors had more points than any other team in Week 8 of the season.  

Meanwhile on the Southside – Cats Beat Dogs:

Just across town in Southside, the Cheetahs also had a nice weekend. The Sin Wagon rolled over the Brookside Dogs, 32-20, in a games that was not as close as the final score would indicate. Mr. Mark Burr was pulled away from his normal dealings along the Five Mile Creek and had to deal with some issues on a small, out-of-the-way water body in East Alabama – Lake Martin. It was a huge distraction for the Dogs, and Mark’s Mutts were basically run out of the stadium (or George Ward Park) by the Cheetahs. So, it was cats beating dogs on Halloween weekend over on the Southside of the Magic City, while Bulldogs (Ala. A&M) whipped up on Hornets (Ala. St.) over on the west side.  

Wildcats Outscore Sleds in Barn Burner in Five Points:

Even farther west and south, depending on your compass, or your maps and legends, is where the gravel scattered playing fields of Fairfield, Ensley, and Five Points West are located. (Other than Dog emerging from Brookside) Two of the BDFL members that have emerged and/or escaped from this location are the Mad Jack Barnes and Smilin’ Jerry James. However, they return there to do battle in the world of fantasy football. The aged former teammates and roommates settle all old scores on the gridiron, and it can get pretty intense, and pretty scary. When the contest falls on Halloween Weekend in the bowels of Five Points West it can get as ugly as the old Civil War era duels and street fights in the original Five Points on Manhattan Island (See: Gangs of New York). In Week 8 in the BDFL, this one was epic. The Fairfield PowerSleds and the Western Hills Wildcats battled for more than three hours with jack handles, crow bars, axe handles, and knives. After it was over, the “James Gang” had emerged (again) with a hard-fought, three-point vict’ry over the “Mean Machine.”  

Freebirds Soar – Claim Brother Bowl Title This Week:

The brothers Bullet and Bocephus battled in Week 8 in the BDFL. Hime Hand sent his Warriors across the Alabama River and into Benton to meet the Bullets. It’s tough for opponents to come into the tiny, Lowndes County hamlet and have any success, but the Fultondale Freebirds were up for the challenge. The Freebirds shot at the Benton Bullets with both barrels with all they had in their arsenal, and they were able to dent the ol’ Bullerino’s armor. On Sunday and Monday Night, the Freebirds delivered the death blow, and defeated the Bullets by ten, 34-24. Then the brothers shook hands and ventured to the Southern Sportsman Lodge to have some fried chicken and banana pudding.

Gamblers Bet Heavy – Bludgeon Bellcows:

Eating a good helping of “crow” this past weekend in the Big Daddy Football League were the Fieldstown Bellcows. David Belrose was “talking a good game,” on his way to the Gulf Coast, but after the Dixie Mafia got a hold of them, they were limping badly back up I-65, eating their words. No A.W.’s were registered in Week 8 of the BDFL season, but this game came the closest. The Gulf Coast Gamblers turned the Bell Heads “every which way but loose,” before giving them permission to head back north. The win was a big one for the Gamblers, who have had a rough time with all of the “sanctioned” internet betting which has caused profits – in all places outside of Vegas – to drop off. So, a vict’ry like this can re-invigorate the locals and hopefully “help the House to win.”

Bandits Catch Commission Napping – Escape Mineral with Big Win:

Not since Bullet in the 1963 Chevy outran Tommy Kinney in a 1962 Ford on the straight away, drag race in the late 1970’s has Mineral Springs seen such excitement. On that fateful day, Bullet was in the right lane and successfully suggested Tommy use the left hand lane (Lord know what would’ve happen had they met oncoming traffic). Bullet had an automatic transmission, and T.K. had to go through gears. What happened next is Mineral Legend. Bullet topped the grade (that you couldn’t see over) and beat Tommy to the railroad tracks – the finish line. Bullet got on the brakes and made a hard right to stay on the road at the T-intersection. Tommy Kinney was not at fortunate. He braked too late, and went across the intersection, but was able to make a late left, and slow down on the embankment. Long story short – too late – Bullet won the drag race. Now, jump to the present day, where Barry Stevenson took his jet-black TransAm and his Bandits to Mineral Springs and was able to out-run the Grenadiers by the final score of 26-23. It was a great vict’ry for the Bandits, a crushing, heart-breaking defeat for the Commissioner, and one of the most exciting days ever in Mineral.

Juggernauts Answer Critics – Surge Past the Sloths:

The hot seat was getting warmer and warmer for Allyson Edwards heading into Week 8 of action in the BDFL. But, the ‘Nauts ended most of the rumors with a resounding vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters. The Jugtown Juggernauts were able to answer their critics and pick up a critical win. Meanwhile, for Mukes and his loyal Monster Nation (under the guidance of president Albert Reeves), the Three Toed Tree Dwellers will have to go back to the drawing board, or the primordial sludge, to try and work out a solution to the problems they’ve been having this season. According to experts and the staff at The Bulletin, the Sloths haven’t blocked anybody this season, they haven’t tackled anyone, and they haven’t been able to score in the red zone. Their grab-@$$-ing and tiddy-bumping has been decent, and they still “talk a good game.”  

The 'Dillos Dive – Defeated by Deacons: 

The results are in from East Texas from Week 8 in the Big Daddy Football League. In a little town called Duncanville (still trying to gain equal footing with DeSoto, Lampasses, and Plano), the Armadillos – coached by a little guy named Kurt Prewitt – are still in denial after losing to the visiting Mt. High Blue Deacons last Sunday. Nobody likes losing to the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS). But, to add insult to injury, the ‘Dillos were defeated on their home field and it looked to some as if they “took a dive.” It was a tough defeat for K.P. & Company to process. However, the Armadillos are going to rely on their understanding of “the process,” to turn things around next weekend in fantasy football action. K.P. however will not go into the next round of games in the BDFL empty handed, because in Week 8 his “little team that could,” was awarded the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award.  

Week 8 the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In one of the lowest scoring games of all-time in the JrBDFL, Matthew Hand’s Selma King Henry Southpaws defeated the Cleveland Rocks Guard-Indians, with neither team topping 100-points. Outside of the fantasy football realm, Wade Mason (Ironlegs) and Matthew (Southpaws) picked up Selma QB Club scholarships, Milton Hand (Lowndes County Labs) jumped for vertical joy prior to kickoff returns, and Jackson Barnes (Barn Burners) got his photo in al.com and TheBDFL.com as his Briarwood team slaughtered Corner.

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