Bellcows and Freebirds meet, greet and eat – Belrose wins by six:

Getting “the call” to meet, greet and eat at Pasquale’s with the new Hayden Haymakers were the Fieldstown Bellcows and the Fultondale Freebirds. They did not turn down the invitation. In fact, Jaimie Hand and David Belrose beat Bishop to the venerated establishment at 215 Fieldstown Road in Gardendale, and had the first pitchers tapped and waiting. (Reports are that D.K. Hand was there too, but was apparently shooting Crown and some of his secretly guarded Junior Johnson white lightning). So, it was all fun and games for a while, before Bellhead & Bocephus realized they had a game to play. As you can imagine, the two teams stumbled around for the first half before the Bellcows were able to “let the cows graze,” and the Freebirds were in a daze. The Heifers claimed the win by the final score of 24-18, and the F’Birds claimed a “moral vict’ry,” even though moral vict’ries are not allowed in the BDFL.

Cheetahs claw their way to 4-0 – Despite low point total:

Butch Neal’s pockets and wallet and online Venmo accounts seemed to be “lined with gold,” early in the 2021 fantasy football season. “Don’t forget the Cash App,” said the Cheetahman following another relatively close vict’ry in the BDFL. The Southside Cheetahs are the only undefeated team left after just four weeks of action. Ironically, the same team – the Cheetahs – if you’re paying attention – are dead last in the Grey Beard Division. Deductively, you can reason that either the Sin Wagon is really figuring out how to win close games – or – they are in cahoots with the Dreaded Schedule Maker. This past weekend the Cheetahs defeated the Sloth Monsters 22-16. Following that outcome, Butch remains perfect on the young season – despite a low point total – and Mukes’ point total was so low that his Three Toed Tree Dwellers picked up (without plausible thumbs) Week Four’s “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” in the BDFL.

Sleds speak up – Dis the Dogs:

Mr. Mark Burr – former super banker at SouthTrust and current synthetic rubber tycoon – failed to show at a non-fundraising event at the Capstone on Saturday that involved one of his very own sons and multiple members of the rank and file of the Big Daddy Football League. While most of the tailgaters understood Dog’s previous “deadlines and commitments” Mad Jack Barnes did not. “That’s okay” was overheard from the Mean Machine’s head man, “we got ‘em this weekend in the BDFL and we’ll make ‘em pay”. What Jack said turned out to be prophesy. On Sunday, the Fairfield PowerSleds rolled to an eight point vict’ry (29-21) over the Brookside Dogs. It was a tough defeat for Mark’s Mutts to handle. For the Mean Machine, the win helped them with a small measure of revenge and illustrated the fact that the Sleds will be a serious contender in 2021 in the BDFL.

Mayors handle hospitality on Saturday – Thank ‘Nauts on Sunday:

Be careful about inviting Richard Arrington or Lowrey Langford to any sort of social event. The Magic City Mayors will not only attend, but they will partake of the amenities and leave you with the cleanup, after-effects, and the bill. The Cronies cashed in on Saturday prior to the Ole Miss-Alabama game at the annual “Cousins on the Quad,” tailgate tent festivities. Even though the actual activities were held on the “Ferguson Green,” Mayor Arrington helped himself to the Government Cheese, chicken fingers, and swank turkey and ham roll-ups. On Sunday, the Mayors “thanked” Allyson by defeating her Jugtown Juggernauts, 29-24. The defeat didn’t really sting the ‘Nauts as much as most folks thought it would. She just sat back on Sunday afternoon – munching on her popcorn – and planning next week’s game plan to try and pick up a win in the BDFL.

Blitz beats Wildcats - In the Battle of Jerry’s:

The T-Town type theme continues in The Bulletin’s Week Four narrative as the page is turned to the tussle between the Druid City Blitz and the Western Hills Wildcats. In the “Battle of Jerry’s,” it seems that Jerry Fritz’ Gritz Blitz ultimately had the upper hand on Jerry James’ “James Gang.” The Blitz made the drive up I-59 to Fair Park just past Five Points West in Birmingham to battle the ‘Cats. Of course, the BioCats first “split atoms,” during their four years in Tuscaloosa, where Jerry James’ former roommate (Jack) said when Mr. James started doing his homework, Jack had to leave the apartment/house because “sparks were flying.” This past weekend, all of that micro-biology did not do the Mildcats any good, as they were soundly defeated by the Blitz, 30-23, in Week Four. The “Four” always reminds the Mildcats (in this case) of the four or even five wide-out formation – that they can’t run in the BDFL.

Gamblers gun down the ‘Dillos:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers welcomed the Duncanville Armadillos down to the Redneck Rivera with pomp and circumstance. Kenny B. & Company showed K.P. all that Biloxi/Gullport have to offer. The Gamblers got the ‘Dillos into the best shows and “comped ‘em” in to the all-you-can-eat buffets, and the free beverage stations. After the ‘opossums on the half shells’ were “half-lit,” they were escorted to the roulette and black jack tables. One thing led to another, and the ‘Dillos were feeling the squeeze in a matter of minutes. When the proverbial “dealing was done,” the Dixie Mafia had downed the “little ol’ team from Texas” by the final score of 30-20. To add insult to injury, the ‘Dillos had to watch as his hometown Panthers lost their first game of the season on Sunday to the team from Texas with the star on their helmets. The Gamblers were glad to get the win and K.P. left the weekend, vowing to turn things around next weekend in the BDFL.

Grenadiers outscore Bullets, 31-27:

Coming off their first win of the season in Week Three, the Benton Bullets were feeling good about their chances to get to .500 in Week Four. However, standing in their way were the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. Now, not many people know that situated in the heart of Mineral Springs just north of Republic, east of Dogtown, and west of Fieldstown and south of Coalburg… there’s the official court of the Grenadiers. On that playing surface, the home team is practically unbeatable – you might even say, “death defying.” The Benton Bullets “took their best shot,” and had vict’ry very near to their grasp, before they found a way to “snatch defeat from the jaws of vict’ry.” The Commissioner’s team got a couple of late TD’s from Saquan Barkley on the black top and managed to outscore the Bullets 31-27 to come up with a big win in the BDFL.