The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - By definition means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - Is a ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 17 - BDFL Championship Sunday

Wildcats Win It All:

The Western Hills Wildcats finally clawed their way to the top. After years, and years, and years of ridicule and scorn and borderline incompetence, the “James Gang” sits atop the Fantasy Football world. Jerry James’ “never say die” attitude and his process and plan did not change. He stuck to his guns and played the draft his way. He refused to be swayed by public opinion and the latest trends. He did not let the taunts of “five wide” and the name-calling (Mildcats) stop his team from accomplishing their mission. In 2017, the Wildcats played a great regular season, but they were even more unstoppable in the Big Daddy Championship Series. Then, with all the chips on the table in the Big Daddy Bowl, the “James Gang” blew out the Fultondale Freebirds, 42-21, in the championship game, in what will be recorded in the record books as an official A.W. The Freebirds had to play the last game of the season somewhat short-handed and never really had a chance against the surging BioCats. With the vict’ry, the Wildcats pick up their first BDFL Championship and forever escape the vile clutches of the “Null Set Club.” Around the league after the initial shock wore off, the rank-and-file congratulated the “James Gang” on a stellar season and a fantastic finish.

Mayors Sickle Sleds:

The rest of the games in Week 17 of the NFL season and the last weekend of the BDFL season were obviously anti-climatic. However, there is a lot of pride in the league, and it showed on the final Sunday of the season. In the BDCS (albeit consolation bracket), the Magic City Mayors put an A.W. on the Fairfield PowerSleds, 46-23. The Mean Machine never fully recovered from their “choke job” in the semi-finals and practically did not show up in the next round. The Cronies for their part, were able to move onto the “next agenda item,” and thoroughly whip the Sledheads and restore some order to the Magic City and the smaller municipalities they rule over such as Dolomite, Ensley, Inglenook, and Fairfield.

Gamblers Gut Grenadiers:

Now, two teams that looked like they “mailed it in,” on the last Sunday of the season were the Gulf Coast Gamblers and the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. These two teams “arm-grabbed, tiddy-bumped, and dogged it,” in Week 17 in the BDFL. All BDFL games, however, are played with a scoreboard and there is a winner and a loser. The league has no participation ribbons and no second-place trophy. There is only one Grand Daddy Trophy, only one Helmet O’ Silver, and it will be presented to the Western Hills Wildcats at the Super Bowl Gala in February of 2018. Chris Hand and Kenny Breal will get nothing, but the Gamblers will have the satisfaction of knowing they defeated the Commissioner on the last day of the post-season, 12-9.

Woo Crew Edges Bullets:

Tommy Todd and Bullet slugged it out in a heated Red Neck Division rivalry on the final Sunday of the Season. These two teams have way too much pride to just let the off-season come without giving 110-percent for their coaches, players, fans, family, and concession workers. So, in a rugged end-of-the-season, semi-meaningless game, the Smoke Rise Woosiers defeated the Benton Bullets by 16-points, 38-22, in a game that was a lot closer than the final score would indicate. WARTS got the result right as always and The Bulletin cranked out the weekly rundown of the game, and the teams went their separate ways, right into their respective “war rooms” to start looking at the 2018 Pony Draft and beyond to figure out a way to “win it all” next year.

Mullet Series Closes with a Thud:

In the Big Mullet Series, the proverbial losers from the BDFL’s regular season finished out the post-season with a whimper and a frown. The Duncanville Armadillos, who missed the Big Dance only because of the Bullet Rule, continued their strong season by dumping the Dogs by six. Meanwhile, the pain continues for the Brookside Dogs as he watches his “life-long” losing streak continue, another team (beside him) escape from the vile, evil clutches of the “Null Set Club,” and another of his sons win the Jr. BDFL. Tough times for Mark’s Mutts, indeed, but he’ll keep his chin up, keep his Synaflex/Van Delay Industry going and make the best out of a bad situation. Elsewhere, in the Big Mullet Series, the Southside Cheetahs bombed the Druid City Blitz, 49-27. Butch Neal celebrated in an elevator for an hour with the Commissioner in New Orleans before another passenger pushed the “open door” button. The BDFL’s foremost elevator engineer, Mike Dismukes, closed strong by hammering the Jugtown Juggernauts and the Pasco County Wizards closed the season by defeating the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS), 31-21.

WEEK 17 – BIG DADDY BOWL in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

Daddy Ball Bowl Number Three (3) did not disappoint. The Shades Mountain Grizzly Burrs and the Selma Southpaws battled all day Sunday and the outcome for this one wasn’t decided until the final whistle blew, in the final game, on the final day, of the regular season in the NFL. Jacob Burr deftly held all three of his strategic “drop adds” until the final game of the season, the Daddy Ball Bowl. He used them wisely and picked up an extra nine points. Matthew Hand and his Southpaws pulled their guts out (baggin’) watching all the games available on TV and constantly monitoring progress of the others on his mobile device. In a span of out five minutes, the Southpaws, saw the big prize fade away. With the score tied, 20-20, the Grizzly Burrs picked up a 50+ yard TD pass, a TD-run, and a defensive TD (that was the “nail that broke the camel’s back”). The Grizzly Burrs defeated the Southpaws, 39-23, in a classic.

Daddy Ball Bowl:

                                      BRACKET

Remember... It's all about the kids.