The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - Means being oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - A ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 7 - Single Digits Everywhere

Sleds Shut Out Dogs:

Epically bad scores dotted the landscape in Week Seven of the BDFL. The bad scores have led to “bad blood,” and possibly a “bad moon rising,” in the world of fantasy football. The teams are embarrassed at their paltry showings on the scoreboard and The Commissioner, Iron Hand, is issuing executive orders, warnings, and calling out franchises on email, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and the chalk-board at Wayne’s Place in Brookside. On the banks of the Five Mile Creek, in Brookside, Alabama… the Dogs are laying low on the other side of the tracks, either at home or at the KofC Lodge, or the VFW Post. Apparently, they’ve cut themselves off from all computer-based communications in the wake of their pitiful performance this past weekend. Mark’s Mutts were shut out by the Mean Machine. That’s right, the Dogs did not score a single point in Week Seven. The PowerSleds only scored 15, but their defense utilizing the “cobra and viper” blitzes were able to hold the Dogs scoreless. Eight other BDFL teams would’ve beaten the Sleds this weekend. “Thank you, schedule-maker,” read one of Mad Jack’s online accounts.

Mayors Score 1 – Get Lambasted by the Wildcats:

From Brookside to Birmingham the weekend didn’t go much better for the Magic City Mayors. Mr. Arrington’s team only managed to score One Point in Week Seven. So, the Mayors got a loss in the record books, but an A.W. on the scoreboard from the previously mild, Wildcats. The party started right away in Five Points West as they continue to try and gain back power from Five Points South (how they got these five roads to intersect in the old days is still a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, stuffed in a Twinkie. It happened – apparently twice in the Birmingham metro area – Dothan, and Manhattan. In Dothan, it’s – for lack of a better explanation – the intersections of Highways, 231, 431, 84, 52 & 53). Meanwhile, back from Media Void, the Mayors have cancelled City Council meetings and scheduled a committee to discuss the ramifications of scoring just one point, and how that will affect them in the polls. At last report, the Wildcats were still celebrating in Western Hills.

Nauts Get Five Points (Total) and Lose to Commissioner:

Five points on the digital scoreboard (and WARTS) is all the defending champions could muster in Week Seven. The Commissioner only notched 15 from his beloved Mineral Springs Grenadiers, but that was enough for a substantial vict’ry over the Juggernauts, 15-5. Oh, how the mighty hath fallen, is ringing through the BDFL, as A.E. not only drops a big game in the middle of the season, but as the Supplemental Draft approaches, she has the FIRST PICK! That means the ‘Nauts have the lowest point total in the league. As for the Commish, who is getting up in years, it looks like it is time for his annual tirade against the lackadaisical franchises. Stay tuned. But, he can thank himself for matching his Grenadiers up against the girls to get the vict’ry.

Sloths Absorb A.W., While Only Scoring Seven in Week Seven:

Yet another under-performer in Week Seven, the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters scored only a TD and were given an old-fashioned A.W. by the Duncanville Armadillos, 30-7. The win was just what the doctor ordered for the ‘Dillos who have been floundering around all season, listening to Mick Jagger music, and bad-mouthing their country music stars from Texas. As for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers (as always) they are just trying to hold on.

Woo Crew Cuts Down Slovaks:

Now, on to the teams that actually scored in double-digits in Week Seven, even though some won and some lost, it’s still better than scoring none, or next-to-none. Submitted for your approval, the Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks: they still lost, they still scored what would normally be considered a paltry 11-points, however, if the evil schedule-maker would have matched ‘em up against one of the above, grossly under-achieving teams, the Slovaks might have actually won a game. As it stands, ASlo’s EuroTrash Talkers were cut down by the Smoke Rise Woosiers, 21-11, in a game that lacked imagination, substance, or style (but both teams scored in double figures).

Gamblers Fall to Freebirds:

Well, the manhole cover opened in T-Town on Saturday and out popped Steve Cohen. As always, he had a good one, and it went something like this. “I was here at Alabama. They said Ronnie Van Zant had died. I couldn’t believe it. I thought  they were messing with me. So, I went to the pay phone and called my momma collect, back in those days you had to call collect. You know what I mean. A pay phone, pay phone… pay phone. I said, ‘momma is it true?’ She cut on the black & white TV, and said, ‘yes, it’s true.’ I went to my dorm room and sat down and cried.” That might be the best Crazy Steve story on record. He continued, “I went to see ‘em (Skynyrd) on the 4th of July in Memphis at the Liberty Bowl in 1976.” You can Google it, and see Skynyrd played that day with Blue Oyster Cult and ZZ Top. Steve didn’t exactly get the bands right, but the date checks out, and the venue… pretty good for 41 years later. Friday, October 20, was the 40th anniversary of the plane crash that took Ronnie and several of the original Skynyrd band. How could the Freebirds lose? They beat the Gamblers, 27-12.

Blitz Bombs Cheetahs:

Another A.W. – but one that flew under the radar – was the Druid City Blitz bombing the Cheetahs in Week Seven, 51-17. Butch’s team was in no shape to play football after a long day on the Quad, and an 11th straight vict’ry over the Vols.

Bullets Beaten by Wizards:

Bullet too… had a hard time rebounding from the annual A.W. on the 3rd Saturday of October (Bama 45, UT 7). So, he lost to the Pasco County Wizards on Sunday. “Schedule maker got me,” said Bullet.

WEEK SEVEN (7) in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr.BDFL, the Fultondale Renegades came back from the dead to score a “week leading” 60-points and defeat the Rebel City Netters. The Netters – however – scored enough points to maintain the top spot in the overall points standings. The Bulletin will not mention that the Hoover Triple Threats only scored 1-point, because we don’t want to ruin anyone’s self-esteem. At the end of the season, exactly 0-trophies will be handed out for participation.