The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - Means being oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - A ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 6 - Recycle. Reload. Fire Again...

Mayors Maul daBlitz – One Point Short of A.W.:

Let’s get one thing straight, it was not an official A.W. The Magic City Mayors scored the highest total points in Week Six of the BDFL, and they completely and totally dominated the Druid City Blitz, embarrassing the Gritz Blitz on their home field. But, the final score was 41-21 and that’s a 20-point spread, and to be an official A.W., it has to be 21-points – no exceptions. Upon further review, the Cronies are perfectly fine with that. In fact, it probably keeps them out of some red tape and from filing some kind of forms and pushing a pencil, which they may actually be okay with. The Mayors are off to a 5-1 start on the season and things are going their way. The last thing you are going to hear is Mr. Arrington complain. Meanwhile, Mr. Fritz thought stopping by at the Commish’s Crib on Saturday prior to the Arkansas vs. Bama game was a good idea. He thought it would bring him some BDFL luck. However, The Bulletin is reporting that he may have actually gotten into it with Hand Patriarch – D.K. Details are sketchy, but DaBlitz was accused of not recycling cans. More details to come when they become available, right here in The Bulletin.

Un-Official A.W. – Cheetahs Roll Over Dogs:

In a game that was also almost an “official” A.W., the Riverchase Cheetahs slobber-knocked the Brookside Dogs, 25-5. Mr. Mark Burr also stopped by the Commish’s Crib before the game Saturday, and he had the same kind of misfortune on Sunday in BDFL action as did the Blitz. The Sin Wagon rolled all over the Dogs, ironically by 20-points. Irony, as they say, is so ironic. Mark’s Mutts sternly remain committed, however bad things seem on the outside, to turn his misfortunes around and at some point, to end his 20-plus year losing streak in the BDFL.

Wildcats Upend the Grenadiers:

The “James Gang” dominated the Mineral Springs Grenadiers, defeating the Commissioner’s team 37-23. That’s all you really need to know. However, The Commissioner prefers not to have short and sweet recaps in the Bulletin. The Commissioner would have made a good TV News Producer. He doesn’t necessarily care about the quality of a news story, as long as it fits his time constraints. In the journalism world, being concise, what the good writers call “an economy of words,” is important, probably the most important. The theory or technique translates to broadcast news as well. However, a TV News Producer only wants his two minute package. Don’t come back here with a concise, accurate news story that’s only 1:30. He needs that two minutes. In other words, the Commish wants The Bulletin to be a certain length and contain a certain amount of words to fit his website, and subsequent, subjective idea about such things. The Bulletin – however – refuses to conform, and maintains “total editorial control.” It’s actually in the C.B.A. between the league (BDFL) and the Broadcast Union of Teamsters Teamwork Subjects (BUTTS).

Monday Night Magic – Part I

The Benton Bullets tried to give this one away. The old Bullerino (El Bulleto, en espanol) almost tried to snatch the “Bone Head” of the week award. First, the Bullets didn’t start the Saints defense (18-points). Secondly, they kept Adrian Peterson on the bench (12-points). Even with all of this carnage, the Boys from Benton entered Monday Night Football trailing the Sloth Monsters by only one point, 23-22. Both teams decided to get together for MNF, some Miller Lites, and toy train maintenance. Both teams had one defense each going on the lone game following the Sunday slate of NFL games. Bullet’s defense (Indy) scored on a Pick Six in Week Six and Mukes’ “D” did not. Therefore, Bullet dodged a bullet and defeated the Three Toed Tree Sloths 28-22. The vict’ry vaults the Bullets to a tie for the BDFL’s best record at 5-1 with the Mayors and the… wait for it… wait for it… Freebirds.

Monday Night Magic – Part II

The Fultondale Freebirds edged the Smoke Rise Woosiers, 33-28. The Southern Rockers and the Woo Crew also got together on Monday Night (mainly to watch Bullet and Mukes run the toy train), to decide their showdown after sunset Sunday with the F’birds and the Woosiers tied at 15. Both sides knew that something would have to give. Would it be Hime’s resolve to listen to some southern rock (hey, I was listening to that), or Tommy T.s determination to have coffee (Starbucks) with those crumpets? In the end, it was the kickers that made the difference as the MNF game derailed into a kicking contest. The Freebirds dude (Succop) scored 18, and the Woosiers’ side-winder (Vinitieri) had only 13, hence Jaimie won by five in Week Six.

Armadillos Unarm ASlo:

Elsewhere in the BDFL, namely Texas, the Duncanville Armadillos showed “signs of life” this past weekend, outscoring the Oak Mountain Fightin' Slovaks, 32-28, in a high-scoring affair. K.P. was a little road weary after his Friday and Saturday visit to T-Town, but he still managed to eek out a vict’ry against the Slovaks on Sunday. ASlo has been eerily quiet this season, and that’s just darn fine with the rank and file of the BDFL.

Sleds Joust Juggernauts:

Speaking of rank and file, the United Brotherhood of the Steel and Heavy Metal Iron Workers of America – Fairfield Chapter – was pleasantly surprised with their trip to Gardendale on Sunday. The beloved Fairfield PowerSleds picked up a big win against the defending BDFL champion, Jugtown Juggernauts. Allyson’s ‘Nauts have “naut” been firing on all cylinders this season and its starting to show. The Bra Burners did pick up a consolation prize this weekend. They were awarded the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” trophy.

Gamblers Fall to Wizards:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers picked up the “Bone Head” of the week award for leaving Baltimore’s defense (24-points) on the bench. The mistake cost Kenny B. dearly as his High Rollers were defeated by the Pasco County Wizards, 17-13.

WEEK SIX in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr.BDFL, the Netters, Walkers, and Onion Turtles continue to roll… each moving to 5-1 on the season with big Week Six vict’ries.

Jr BDFL Standings (total points)