The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - Means being oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - A ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 2 - Deuces Wild

Big Jack “Big Johns” The Commissioner:

Jack Slovensky is trying hard to win back his old nickname, “Big Jack Barnes.” Exhibit One was the head coach and general manager of the Fairfield PowerSleds showing up woefully late to the Miller Genuine Draft to avoid being seated anywhere need the league’s bottom feeders (they know who they are). Exhibit number two would be his PowerSleds “actions speaking louder than words,” in Week Two of the BDFL season. The Old Mean Machine was running on all cylinders when they descended through the clouds to drop in on the outdoor fields of Mineral Springs (pronounced Sprangs). The PowerSleds cranked it up a notch against the home-standing Grenadiers and routed the Commish & Company, 40-23.

Armadillos Whip Woosiers in Week Two:

K.P. “sent a woman to do a man’s job,” when he stayed at home up in the Carolina’s and sent his wife to T-Town, for “Parent’s Weekend” at the Capstone. So, Prewitt missed all of the tailgating activities for the second straight week. He was not missed that much, in that he normally just sits and take notes from the Hand Brothers and learns about NASCAR from D.K. However, what he didn’t miss was picking up a win in fantasy football action. After a Saturday of rest, K.P. attended the Panthers vs. Bills game (at least someone in the BDFL has NFL season tickets) on Sunday afternoon and then proceeded to hammer the Smoke Rise Woosiers on Sunday evening. The Woo Crew falls to 1-1 on the young season, and that’s just fine with them as they are always worried about “peaking too soon.”

Bullets Proves Oddmakers Wrong Again:

Whether it’s against the Vegas Vandals, Atlantic City Aces, or the Biloxi Boys, Bullet will always take his chances any day in a game of Poker, Texas Hold ‘Em, or Acey-Deucy. For the second straight week the Benton Bullets “covered the spread,” on their way to improving to 2-0 on the season. This week, it was the Gulf Coast Gamblers who bit the Bullet. Kenny B’s Boys were no match for the Bullets who have been on a roll since winning three straight (albeit in the Mullet Series) to close out the 2016 season. “So, that’s five in a row,” said Bullet, grinning like a mule eating saw briars and heading straight for the “Indian Power” tables at the Beau Rivage.

BioCats Bounce Back Against Burr in Week Two:

Whether you call ‘em the Western Hills Wildcats, the Mildcats, the “James Gang,” or the BioCats… one thing is certain… J.J.’s team can always surprise you. Take for instance just this past weekend in BDFL action, the ‘Cats turned on the afterburners and blew past the Dogs, 30-10. It was 1-point away from being an A.W. That’s a nice bounce back for the Biocats, who were embarrassed in Week One by the Bullets. As for Mark’s Mutts, he’s probably go quickly to the George Costanza “opposite routine,” after beginning the season 0-2, and looking to push his Null Set record into a third decade.

Naut Pretty: Juggernauts Fall to da Blitz on Monday Night Football:

Talk about ugly… Allyson and Fritz staggered around all Sunday afternoon, Sunday night, and Monday night without being able to put up any points of consequence in Week Two BDFL action – or inaction – as the case may be. The defending champs “found a way to lose,” dropping to 1-1 on the season. “Sometimes you start the wrong guys,” said A.E. pointing to the Grand Daddy Trophy, sitting pretty, lit up with tiny, white, Christmas lights atop her mantle in Leeds, Alabama. That’s a reference to Allyson “earning” the Scott Hunter Bonehead of the Week award for not starting the Atlanta Defense, which cost her 6-points, and the game. As for the Fritz Gritz Blitz… they pulled it out on Monday Night Football, scoring (ironically) 6-points to pull it out, 14-11. Da Blitz is 2-0 on the young season, and officially NOT out of contention yet.

Mayors Maul Cheetahs, Violate Touch-N-Go Policy:

In was a “banner night,” for the Mayors (even if they’ve surrendered their BDFL Spirit Banner to the Dogs). Mayor Arrington notched the only A.W. in Week Two BDFL action by scorching the Southside Cheetahs, 34-11. There are advantages of being the top elected official in a municipality, and A.A. took advantage of most of them during his vict’ry celebration over on Valleydale Avenue. However, no one is above the “touch and go” policy, and eventually the Cronies vict’ry party was cut short, but they still had a win over the Cheetahs in their back pocket (but no one’s in their front pockets).

Slovaks Slap Sloths:

It’s official. The Fighting Slovaks will not go 0-17 in 2017. ASlo & Company got a big win against the Sloth Monsters this weekend, to move to 1-1 on the season, thus avoiding a winless year. As for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers, things have gone from bad to worse. Mukes minions are now 0-2 on the season and losing their grip (which is understandable with only three fingers and no plausible thumbs) on the season after just two weeks. Reportedly, the Son of Slim is on his way to Livingston, with Albert, in a white Granada with a yellow canoe tied on top – to regroup – or just go fishing and forget about the rigors of fantasy football for awhile.

Wizards Edge Freebirds in Florida, 21-19:

The headline says all that is necessary for this game, so The Bulletin will just close with some Molly Hatchet. “Many roads you travel, they all kind of look the same. There’s a gator in the bushes, lord he’s calling my name, and saying ‘come on boy, you better make it back home again.”

WEEK TWO 2 – Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

Milton Hand and the Lowndes County Labradors topped the Jr BDFL score book in Week Two, and needed everyone of their 47 points to knock off the Shades Mountain Grizzly Burrs by one, 47-46. Milton’s brother, Matthew, won against the Hoover Triple Threats, however his sister, Meredith, was shot down by the Rebel City Netters, 37-30. Both of Jaimie Hand’s sons lost: Kevin and the Renegades to the Onion Turtles and Ben Hand and the Do Do Birds were defeated by the Winston County Walkers. In other action, the Canton Bulldog Woofers edged the Future Slovaks of America, 31-30, and the Hooks & Lures fell to the Birmingham Barn Burners.

Jr. BDFL Standings (total points)