The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - Means being oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - A ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 4 - Total Domination Weekend

Dogs Bite Bullets:

After an absolutely awful beginning to the 2017 season, the Brookside Dogs barked back again in Week Four. Mark’s Mutts dominated the Benton Bullets, biting the Boys from Benton, 42-16, to notch an A.W. in their Rover spiked collar. This one was never close. Bullet was lured into the palatial tent on The Quad on Saturday and properly wined and dined. His team was feigned into a false sense of security. After all of the festivities, the Dogs brought down the hammer on Sunday “like an old fashioned Coke bottle to the side of Terry Tarence’s head.” The Bullets were dazed and confused. The Brookside Dogs then managed to pour it on and the final score might not have been 66-3, but it was still complete and total domination for the Dogs, and the Bullets’ first loss of the season, stopping their 6-game winning streak – dating back to 2016.

Freebirds Fly High:

Hanging out at The Quad all day Saturday had the opposite effect for Jammin’ Jaimie Hand this weekend. Surrounded by his harem and his old WVUA rock fans and amateur D.J.’s, old Bocephus was able to let loose on Sunday against his older brother. The newly named Fultondale Freebirds were flying high in Week Four, and clobbered the Mineral Springs Grenadiers as if they were the Green Springs Grenades. After the game, Hime said that he couldn’t take all of the credit. He wanted to make sure that Mr. Charley and Mr. Mouse got their fair share of the accolades, not to mention Mr. Charlie Bradshaw and the “amazing” Chan Gailey (mentors for Jaimie in his days at Troy – victors over LSU).

‘Dillos on a Dive, Get Blown Out by Blitz:

Free falling from the skies appears to be the Duncanville Armadillos. They were doing great last season and maybe even the year before. However, 2017 has started out really, really, rough for the ‘possums on the half-shell. On Sunday, the mighty Red Baron – a.k.a. the Druid City Blitz – shot down the ‘Dillos causing them to dive right into the Black Warrior River. Now, K.P. will have to make it to shore or climb aboard a passing barge to pull himself up by his Texas-sized boot straps and try to salvage something from this season.

Wizards Whip Cheetahs:

“Whatever we did to keep Parks away,” one BDFL General Manager said recently, “let’s keep it up.” Those words are in no way intended to insult Mr. Parks or his dwindling entourage of nare-do-wells. “Now, if we could just all change our email addresses, so he couldn’t find us there,” he (or she) continued, “we could have our cake and eat it too.” Upon further review, however, as it stands now, Parks can still rise up on “any given Sunday.” This past weekend, the Pasco County Pixie Dusters blind-sided the Southside Cheetahs, lowering the boom and wrecking ol' proverbial the Sin Wagon. For his part, Butch took the defeat in stride saying only a quarter of the season has passed and there’s still plenty of football left to be played.

Sloths Slip Past Sleds:

A few things in life you can guarantee, and that’s that the elevator business will always be up and down, and that without plausible thumbs, holding onto stuff is always going to be precarious. A few tips in life can also always help you out. One of those tips is if you hit the spaceship (“hit the egg, Mike!), going across the top of Space Invaders you’ll get extra points and another is, if you take Albert with you, you’ll get less beer. Now, you might ask yourself, what has that got to do with the BDFL? The answer to that is… everything. That’s an essential to fantasy football strategy in the first place. The Bulletin doesn’t want to get too deep, nor too philosophical. The Bulletin’s job is just to put out the facts in an orderly and meaningful way, and on an 8th grade level. So, don’t look for the Bulletin to solve the age-old question of “how long is the shadow of a doubt.” The Bulletin will simply tell you it’s based on the image or subject casting the shadow, and the light source, and the actual speed of light. Mukes beat Mad Jack, 36-24. The win for Mukes (and the league) means there are no more “winless” teams in the BDFL this season.

Woo Crew Whips Wildcats:

Did we ever get a foot race between Tom & Jerry? Did Tom & Jerry play for the Dorians at the same time? Did Jerry ever play for the Dorians, or was he always going to labs, turning his homework in on time and violating the “intramurals before academics” man code? Those questions do not have answers inside the file cabinets, hallways, and data memory banks of The Bulletin. So, if you’ve got answers, let’s hear ’em. Tom is Tommy Todd, and Jerry is Jerry James. That’s the 8th grade level thing that The Bulletin might have just violated. At any rate, in Week Four BDFL action, the Woo Crew outran the Western Hills Wildcats to the proverbial finish line to pick up a key vict’ry. It was not a photo finish, nor was it an A.W., just your basic old, average win, with a misleading headline.

The Mayors Fight the Fighting Slovaks to the Finish:

This one wasn’t officially over until the end of Monday Night Football. But, by the time the Kansas City Chiefs finished off the Washington Redskins late Monday Night, in an epic battle of Native Americans, there was one team left undefeated in the NFL (Chiefs 4-0) and one team undefeated in the BDFL (Mayors 4-0). Mayor Arrington’s team was resourceful in holding off the pesky, Pivo-swilling, Slovaks by the thinnest of margins, 21-20, in Week Four of fantasy football action. ASlo was temporarily speechless in defeat as the Cronies partied at Legion Field until curfew.

The Gamblers Fall Just Short Against the Juggernauts:

The Defending Champs got just enough points on Sunday to defeat the Gamblers, and then added a few on Monday Night just to make sure. The final score from Ed Bruce Field at Driver Stadium the Home of the Rockets, was 21-17 in favor of the ‘Nauts. Allyson says she was buoyed to vict’ry by a large showing on the Quad on Saturday, and by a nice donation by Mr. Chip Den. The Gamblers slinked back home to Biloxi looking for another game.

WEEK FOUR in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Junior Circuit… the Rebel City Netters were on fire in Week Four. They scored 72 points in a vict’ry over the Hoover Triple Threats. The defending champion Preserve Onion Turtles continued to roll. The OT’s are undefeated at 4-0 after defeating the Birmingham Barn Burners, 43-39, and they remain at the top of the overall points standings, although it is very close at the top.

Week Four [4]

Jr BDFL Standings (total points)