The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - By definition means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

Media Void - Is a ficticious city in a ficticious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city/state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

Week 12 - The Pain Cave and more MN magic

Grenadiers Take Woosiers to the Blount County Cave:

Apparently, some remote cave in Blount County was the scene of one of the more bizarre match-ups in recent Big Daddy Football League action. Outside observers said they saw former GHS wrestling aces, Tommy Todd and Chris Hand, go into a dimly lit cave on the outskirts of nowhere wearing their togs and tights. So, was it a three-period wrestling match out of plain site or something more sinister? WARTS (run by Woo) officially had his Smoke Rise Woosiers losing to the Commissioner’s Grenadiers, 48-16. That’s an A.W., and since Tommy T. out-weighted old Iron in the old days, the wresting deal is an unlikely scenario. In BDFL hist’ry, it’s the Woosiers who usually peak late, but the Mineral Springs Grenadiers look like one of the League’s hottest teams coming down the stretch.

Freebirds Introduce ‘Nauts to the Pain Cave:

Jammin’ Jaimie Hand and his “V-91” buddies (that’s alumni from WVUA, 90.7, Bama Campus Radio) had a large re-union of sorts this past Thanksgiving weekend, and Hime’s hard, Southern-rocking, Freebirds were on display for everyone to see and hear. The F’birds basically rocked all weekend and introduced the Jugtown Juggernauts to the “Wayne’s World,” pain cave. “Pretty, pretty… pain cave!” The BDFL defending champion, Nauts, never really stood a chance against the team Formerly Known as the Black Creek Wooden Warriors, in this Week 12 match-up. “Party on!”

Bullet Visits the Pit of Misery:

“Dilly, Dilly…” Bud Light Inc. is riding the wave of their most-recent advertising campaign featuring the “Pit of Misery.” Well, in Week 12 in the BDFL, the Benton Bullets got a close-up look at the Pit, and it wasn’t because they brought a home-made, spice, mead, wine to the party at the palace. The Bullets have lost three straight and are in the middle of a “free fall.” Bullerino actually scored 27 points over the Thanksgiving Holiday – good enough to beat 10 other teams – however, the Boys from Benton were defeated by the Magic City Mayors, who scored 31. “You can blame the evil schedule-maker,” said Bullet. “Or, who can blame it on the fact that we couldn’t tackle, couldn’t get a snap, couldn’t find the play clock, and couldn’t snap or hold for a field goal. It was pretty bad.” As for the Cronies, they left Benton, Ala. (pop. 51) and the Black Belt with a new appreciation of “city government.”

Armadillos Taken to the Woodshed:

K.P.’s season went from bad to worse this past weekend, as his Duncanville Armadillos were destroyed by the Southside Cheetahs, 34-16. It was a whipping, but a few points short of an official A.W., kind of like getting taken to the woodshed. The ‘Dillos were embarrassed by the 18 points loss, but still thankful on Thanksgiving Weekend that it was not an official A.W. Prewitt’s team has already missed the boat on the Big Daddy Championship Series (thanks to the Bullet Rule), and now the losses just keep coming. The win temporarily boosts morale for the Sin Wagon, raises their record to 6-6, but Butch’s team is still a long, long, shot to get into the BDCS. On the flip side, they seem to be “geared and primed” for the Big Mullet Series on the Gulf Coast.

Gulf Coast Disguised as Death Valley:

Speaking of the Gulf Coast, the Fairfield PowerSleds ventured down that way in Week 12 and found out it was more like Death Valley than a vacation destination. Mad Jack’s Mean Machine found themselves on the bitter end of a 32-21 loss to the Gulf Coast Gamblers. The vict’ry was huge for Kenny Breal’s Real Deal. The win moved the Gamblers up to 6-6 in the won-loss category and improved their Total Point Total to the point to where if the season ended now (and it doesn’t) the Gamblers would have the 8th and final spot in the Big Dance. Stay tuned.

Wizards Earn Toilet Seat Award with Trip to Principal’s Office:

The Pasco County Wizards picked up the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award this past weekend the old fashioned way, they “earned it.” The Wizards were bad from the opening kickoff to the final whistle, losing to the moribund Brookside Dogs, 10-8, in a game that may have set the BDFL back five years. “It was like getting send to the principal’s office,” said a random bystander or statistician, who had to attend the game as part of their job. There used to be an old principal at the Gardendale Elementary “Round School,” named Mr. Parks. On this eerie occasion, it was like Parks (who actually went to Snow Rogers Elementary School) was getting sent to the principal’s office for punishment he couldn’t comprehend as a first-grader. The loss may have not effected the Pixie Dusters in the overall record category, but the “lack of points,” is a real blow to Merlin and Company, who find themselves on the outside looking in for the Big Dance.

Monday Night Magic – Mildcats Push Slovaks off the Cliff:

ASlo was counting his chickens (too soon) in Week 12, and it came back to bite him in the BDFL. The Western Hills Wildcats came back from out of nowhere to score 14 points on Monday Night Football and push the Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks off the cliff and into the abyss. The EuroTrash Talkers went to bed on Monday Night thinking they had an elusive “W,” only to find out that the “James Gang” had pulled out some Monday Night Magic and defeated the Slovaks, 23-15. “Ouch.”

Sloths Send Blitz to Detention and Defeat, 26-23:

The Three Toed Tree Dwellers gave the Fritz Gritz Blitz a free “hall pass” in Week 12, that ended badly for the Druid City Blitz with a trip to detention and a three-point defeat in the process. It seems the aforementioned “hall pass” came from Tim Haynes, Kenny Jennings, Mike Marshall, Dennis Jacks, or Ken Boone and was a forgery. The pass, initially got Jerry Fritz out of class and down the hall, but it was later discovered as a phony and the Blitz had to visit detention. “It’s nothing like ‘Breakfast Club’ in there,” said Jerry. “It sucks. And, so does losing to Mukes.”

The opposite of a “Chick Flick”

We almost got through a Week 12 Bulletin without a reference to the “Dirty Dozen,” one of the best movies ever made and the complete and total opposite to whatever you definition of a “chick flick” is. Put it this way, if you are flipping through the channels and you stumble upon one of these movies (mentioned below) you will watch the rest of it, regardless to what you had going on at the time. We won’t even call these “classics.” The word doesn’t do these movies justice. They are just part of the world you used to live in and you can’t turn away, and they’ll never let you down. Now, the list: The Dirty Dozen, Cool Hand Luke, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Kelly’s Heroes, Dirty Harry, Planet of the Apes, The Magnificent Seven, The Godfather, The Godfather Part 2, Dog Day Afternoon, The Shining, Bonnie and Clyde, Good Fellas, Goldfinger, Battle of the Bulge, and the Longest Day.

WEEK 12 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

Part of being in the Jr. BDFL, is learning to live with life without making excuses or whining or talking about life “not being fair.” It’s a old-school reality-check for some of these youngsters, and it’s good for them. With that said, the standings and scores from Week 12 in the Junior League will be coming out shortly. Please check your email for the latest news to be sent out in that fashion when the “powers that be,” deem it appropriate. The Bulletin will say this: Milton Hand, who leads in overall points, had about a 60-point week with front-runners Tom Brady and Carson Wentz, and will be extremely hard to catch in the league’s final two weeks of the regular season. (Again: check your email.)