The Dogs BDFL Championship Title Parade route to go through Downtown Brookside

From underneath a rock in Media Void

Week 17: The Finals

The Dogs Finally Win Elusive BDFL Championship And End Long Losing Streak

“The MAN kept me down for years,” said Dog. “But, I’m at the summit. How do you like me now!”

The Background

When the Big Daddy Football League started 24-years ago in Homewood, (circa 1995) the League organizers knew that the secret to success would be comradery and community and a connection to each participants past with an eye toward the future. Seven original franchises sprung up across the State of Alabama to do battle in the BDFL. One of these original franchises, one of the “Magnificent Seven,” were the Brookside Dogs. And, for 24-years, the Dogs – led by Mr. Mark Burr – had to watch as everyone else got to claim a championship and hoist the coveted Grand Daddy Trophy at the Annual Super Bowl Gala. Over the years, and years, the Brookside Dogs especially took on the mantra of their namesake hometown, the downtrodden, left-for-dead, Brookside, Alabama. But, as their losing streak extended, something happened. The town stood up and stood behind their team, their Mutts. The town never wavered. The town stood behind Mr. Mark Burr and watched him move from Super Banker to Rubber Magnate to eventually a decent fantasy football owner, general manager and head coach.

The Build Up

The Brookside Dogs after years of futility, finally became competitive and even made a couple of runs in the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). Not afraid to shake things up, Burr went with the controversial, yet effective, “opposite” strategy adopted from his sitcom hero, George Costanza. Yet, Marks Mutts couldn’t clear that final hurdle. It was hard for Mark Burr. Over the last 24-years, he had to watch Alabama win six national championships (1992, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, & 2017) while his Dogs won none. But 2019 was a new year. The Dogs pulled off a stellar Progressive Priority Draft and an even better Miller Genuine Draft. The Dogs stocked up on two quality young QB’s and an Alabama Heisman Trophy Winner (Derrick Henry) poised to lead the NFL in rushing yards for the first time in his career (and the first for a Tider since Shawn Alexander). The Brookside Dogs raced to a stellar 13-1 regular season and captured the Number One Seed in the BDCS by an overwhelming margin. After a Round One win, they survived the scare of their life – or at least the biggest since Mr. Butler put that shotgun to Dog’s head in the 1970s. In Round Two… they held on by one point to advance to the finals.

The Game – The A.W.

In the 2019 Big Daddy Bowl, the Brookside Dogs faced off against The Commissioner, former roommate, Iron Hand, and his team from nearby Mineral Springs…The Grenadiers, who had been on a roll. But the Dogs left no doubt. Mark’s Mutts put up an epic A.W. on the Gut Grenades, winning by the final score of 57-19. Sure, it was a little touch-and-go at first. The Dogs had replaced their regular QB (Josh Allen/BUF), who was taking Week 17 off, with another young QB, Baker Mayfield/CLE. He scored 9, and their bellcow all year, RB Christian McCaffrey/CAR, scored an “oh-by-the-way” TD in a blowout loss. But, the hammer or the Old Coke Bottle to the Head was RB Derrick Henry/TEN who scored a whopping 24-points to get the Brookside Dogs to the checkered flag for the first time. It was pandemonium in Brookside. It was dancing in the streets. BROOKSIDE DOGS – BDFL CHAMPS!

The Post Game

“It’s hard to put into words just what this does and means for the good people of Brookside,” said a Gatorade-soaked Mark Burr. “Doddie Goode, Daryl Kittle, Dwight Slowese, David Foster, Booger Bass - I could go on and on. We have arranged to have the trophy on display at several locations throughout the town for all to enjoy.

I want to thank all of my Twitter followers, and as promised I will be Twitting out highlights of the season and my favorite behind the scene moments. Special thanks goes to my former roomie the Commish. Thanks for all of the perks you extended to the team throughout the year. It’s been caviar dreams and champagne wishes, and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone lining the banks of the Five Mike Creek for the parade!”

The Parade

The Bulletin has obtained a copy of the planned festivities and parade (see below).

New Year’s Eve bonfire at old Brookside School site at midnight and parade to follow the following morning. (The Parade will be broadcast on C.B. radio, Channel 19, and available nationwide and in the Caribbean via “skip land,” Copper Wire and Double R to host.

9:00 a.m.         Parade kickoff with Johnathan Carroll skating downhill on Main Street with sparklers

9:05 a.m.         Parade begins in reverse direction at bridge coming up Main Street from Five Mile Creek (Doddie Goode to come out from bridge residence to cut the ribbon)

9:10 a.m.         Parade will pause at “Wayne’s Place” on Main Street for autographs, selfies, drinks and pocket billiards

9:15 a.m.         Parade will restart and stop at 4-way stop sign allowing Old Dominion Freight Line trucks to join

9:20 a.m.         Parade will turn right on Price Street

9:25 a.m.         Parade will turn left on Park Avenue, and pause at Goose Alley for souvenir exchange

9:30 a.m.         Parade will move up Park Avenue, stopping just short of at St. Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church for snacks, before turning right on Cardiff Road

9:35 a.m.         Parade will cross the crooked bridge over the Five Mile Creek

9:40 a.m.         Parade will stop at Brookside Ball Park (the Historical Burr House is past the outfield fence; the light poles are inside the fence… yes, in the field of play – you can’t make this stuff up)

9:45 a.m.         Opening Ceremonial First Pitch to be thrown by David Foster – smoking cigarette – leaning on RF fence to home plate without warm-up

9:50 a.m.         Rev. Guy Moore with invocation before breaking ceremonial bat over home plate, Cousin Kenneth Hand and Wolf Man to officiate, hold flag

9:54 a.m.         National Anthem by Minor High School and GHS Marching Bands

9:55 a.m.         Third Base Coach Petey Meadows to give 3-2 take sign to take ceremony to next step

10 a.m.             Mark Burr – Brookside Dogs Owner, GM, & Head Coach – to emerge from dugout steps after taking ceremonial phone call from Chris Higgins

10:05 a.m.       Mark Burr to commemorate 38^th year anniversary roommate agreement with Commissioner Iron Hand

10:10 a.m.       Commissioner Iron Hand to present Grand Daddy Trophy to Brookside Dogs and Mr. Mark Burr

10:15 a.m.       Dog Acceptance and Tolerance Speech “How I Single-handedly Made Brookside Great For the First Time”

10:20 a.m.       Brookside Mayor Pete Bird Speech

10:25 a.m.       “Missing” Key to the City presented to the Burrs by Dwight Slowees and Booger Bass – “Taking Care of the Dog” presentation by Daryl Kittle

10:30 a.m.       Donald Slovensky kite flying tribute in the park / Ron Slovensky kicking contest vs. Larry Csonka / Phil Slovensky reading city proclamation, proclaiming Brookside “Dogs Days” for 365 days / Jimmy Slovensky (and D.K.) take Festivus Pole across the tracks to VFW.

10:35 a.m.       Mark Burr’s erring of grievances and feats of strength and explanation of “opposite” strategy

10:40 a.m.       Mark Burr’s Coke Bottle tribute to Terry Tarence and introduction of the band, “Skull”

10:45 a.m.       City Ordinance Suspended to allow “Skull” to jam

11 a.m. - until  Party in the Park – Five Mile Creek Fireworks

Week 17 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The unofficial results are in… congratulations to the Winston County Walkers for winning the Jr.BDFL Championship. The Walkers may be under a slightly different name in the official espn page of the league, but Walker Stephenson’s team captured the title by defeating Meredith Hand’s Benton Butterflies in the two-week championship game. The kids are all right. The kids played their game and kept the adults out of it, and apparently had a blast in cyberspace.