In a week in the BDFL where there were no “official” A.W.’s, just ask the “James Gang” if they got whipped. Jerry would probably say “no,” but his BioCats sure were licking their wounds on Monday morning. The Western Hills Wildcats avoided an A.W. according to @$$ by one point, losing to the Benton Bullets by the final score of 39-19. So it’ll just be classified as a “through trouncing.” Look out now, but the Bullets are “shooting straight,” early in the 2019 season. The Boys from Benton are “throwing lead.” The Bullets are now 3-0 on the season and have the top point total after three weeks of action (and on Sunday they missed 18-points by starting the wrong defense).

Dogs Beat Bellcows – Advance to 3-0:

The expansion Fieldstown/Fultondale* Bellcows lost again in Week Three. (*Belrose shouldn’t get Fieldstown credit for moving there after his formative years in the bowels of Fultondale, only coming to Gardendale/ Bragg Jr. High/ GHS/ and Fieldstown after years of being tainted. But, that’s an argument for another day… even if it was made today) This loss wasn’t really Belrose’s fault. He made out a credible line-up. He showed up and played hard. But, old BellHead ran into the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM) and lost 38-31 to the Brookside Dogs. The Bellcows would have defeated 11-other teams this past weekend with their 31-points, however it was not to be, and the expansion franchise falls to 0-3, and will go into Week Four looking for their first vict’ry. As for Mark’s Mutts, he’s “flying high and feeling mean,” and for now wants to “keep a low profile,” and avoid “jinxing it,” but the record for the Dogs clearly reads: 3-0.

Armadillos Get on an Even Key – Defeat Blitz in a Close One:

The Duncanville Armadillos “played to the final whistle” and it paid off with a narrow 29-27 vict’ry over the Druid City Blitz. K.P. & Company got on “an even key” going into the late Sunday afternoon NFL games, and then rolled through the Sunday Night and Monday Night games and emerged “on the other side” with a win. As for the Fritz Gritz Blitz, 2019 has been a disaster. Jerry’s team is 0-3 on the season, losing their lease at Kentuck Park and being “squeezed out” by all of the “fly-by-night” upstart breakfast places in Northport and T-Town for grits, and biscuits, and toast.

Grenadiers Rocking & Rolling in T-Town – Outscore Mukes at Harry’s:

Over on Hargrove Road, hard by the railroad tracks in T-Town, actually the wrong side of the tracks, Christopher Kenneth Hand notched a pivotal win in Week Three over Michael Hewlett Dismukes. That’s not a misprint. The Grenadiers scored a visceral vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters in yet another neutral site game for the Commissioner with this one taking place at the famous Harry’s Bar. Old Iron figured out a way to outscore the Three Toed Tree Dwellers, who actually had a lead in this game, but could not “hold on” to vict’ry, and most opinions (stink) but point to the fact that the Sloths do not have plausible thumbs which makes it very difficult to “get a grip.” The loss drops Mukes to 0-3.

Cheetahs Lose Another Close One – Fall to 0-3 in 2019:

The Cheetahs were all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and the World Wide Web with photos on Saturday at Bryant-Denny Stadium with his grandson. So, do you think he really cares about losing a seemingly meaningless game in early-season BDFL action. Well, for one thing, there are no “meaningless” BDFL games (all carry a $2 price tag). For another, the Sin Wagon has now rolled “downhill” to an unimpressive and rather embarrassing 0-3 start to the 2019 season. To add insult to the aforementioned, this loss in Week Three came against a former, childhood, neighborhood rival not named Scroggins or Leopard, but Stephenson. The Altadena Dorians emerged with a narrow 1-point win against the Cheetahs, 19-18.

PowerSleds Rock On - Edge Freebirds by Three:

In what turned out to be a close game, the Fairfield PowerSleds rallied to top the Fultondale Freebirds, 21-18, on a last second field goal by Ted Clem. Clem from the tiny hamlet of Georgiana – famous as the birthplace of the original Hank Williams – booted the winning kick through in cyberspace to give the Mean Machine the vict’ry over the franchise formerly named after Hank Williams Jr., but actually Hank Sr. who wrote and first sang ‘Kawliga,’ before Bochephus did a cover of it and kinda passed it off as his own. At any rate, the team led by Jammin’ Jaimie Hand lost in dramatic fashion to Mad Jack’s minions and it was Hime’s first loss of the season, dropping him out of the ranks of the “undefeated.”

Bishops Overcome Errors – Defeat Mayors by a FG:

In another three-point contest in Week Three in the BDFL, the Mt. High Blue Deacons overcame a “rash of penalties,” and an unknown Blount County rash, to defeat the Magic City Mayors, 18-15. The Cronies couldn’t get out of Hayden faster on Sunday afternoon, and really just were glad to make it out alive. “I heard banjo music everywhere,” said Alan A. “So, we were just getting the heck out of Dodge.” The Mayors made it back easily to the ‘ham, but did suffer yet another loss in fantasy football competition. Meanwhile, the Heavy Duty Bishop Squad found a bottle of Junior Johnson clear moonshine (that was supposed to go to D.K.) and celebrated their vict’ry until the wee hours of the morning to the tune of crickets chirping, frogs croaking, cicadas singing and banjos strumming.

‘Naut For Long – Juggernauts Fall to Gamblers by a TD:

“Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser, and the best that you can hope for is the die in your sleep.” Yep. The Gulf Coast Gamblers actually have that on a t-shirt. That’s a pretty rugged life when the best – the best – that you can hope for is to “break even,” and die in your sleep. I guess it beats getting whacked or beat up and left in the street with the “mud, the blood, and the beer.” So, I reckon that the Jugtown Juggernauts are happy to come out of the weekend with only a six-point loss to the Dixie Mafia.

Week Three in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”