Hand Brothers All Lose in Round One in Week 15:

“One bourbon, one scotch, one beer…” The Hand Brothers – ChrisJerome&Jaimie were raised to “share everything,” and they shared the “agony of defeat” in Week 15 in the Big Daddy Football League.

Eldest Hand Gags in Big Dance:

At least Chris Hand, aka, The Commissioner, made it to the Big Daddy Championship Series. Once ol’ “Sharp Dressed” got to the Big Dance, he forgot all the moves than he and Alan, Gamble, and Earl had perfected at 2001 in the late 1980s. It was a pitiful performance by the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. The team formerly known as the Grenades exploded in Round One of the Playoffs, scoring a paltry 14-points, and losing to the Duncanville Armadillos, 23-14. The vict’ry was sweet for the Little Ol’ Team from Texas. K.P. & Company certainly did not play their best, but they were able to cobble together enough points to pave their way into the semi-finals.

Middle Hand Child – Bullet – Loses to ‘Nauts… Again:

A loss in Week 13 to the Jugtown Juggernauts dropped the Benton Bullets into the Big Mullet Series. But, the Bullets were the #2 Seed in the loser’s bracket, with a chance to advance, win the BMS, and win the top draft choice for next year. However, the Bullerino drew the ‘Nauts… equal this season… to his kryptonite and it was another embarrassment for the Black Belt Boys. A.E.’s team – coming straight from Atlanta and the SEC Championship Game – were on an elevated level, and raised their play to a higher plateau, and scored 35-points to defeat the Bullets. So, the year that is 2020, continues to get worse for the Benton Bullets, and the ‘Nauts have a shot at the BMS title.

Youngest Hand Child Chokes on Chicken Bone:

Even worse than his siblings, the “baby of the family,” Jaimie Hand lost to the worst team in the league in 2020. The Fultondale Freebirds entered the BMS as the #1 seed and promptly lost to the #8 seed – the Mt High Blue Deacons, who had the worst record in the BDFL. So, the Hand Ship sunk in Week One of the post-season. The Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) managed to rattle off 31-points in the opening round of the BMS and they put it on the F’Birds by the final score of 31-17. It’ll be a bittersweet holiday season for the Hand Brothers, as they will all enter the YuleTide with no chance of winning anything substantial in the BDFL.

Cheetahs and Blitz Clash in One for the Ages:

The Number One Seed in the BDCS also had a tough go of it in Round One. The Southside Cheetahs dominated in the regular season. The Old Proverbial Sin Wagon captured the Top Seed the old fashioned way – they earned it. In the opening round of the playoffs, Butch Neal’s team hosted the 8th seed, and the Cheetahs scored 41-points. However, the Cheetahs did not win. It was a shocker. And, The Bulletin buried the lead. The Druid City Blitz, who only made the Big Dance after a number of teams – at least three – were eliminated under the “Bullet Rule.” On the big stage, the Fritz Gritz Blitz “brought the heat,” on every play coming with the “viper,” and the “cobra blitz,” and “corner fire.” But, none of it worked. The Red Baron’s gave up 41-points, but on the other side of the ball, the Blitz scored and kept scoring and then pulled even on Sunday Night Football… to force overtime. In OT, the Blitz completed the “upset of the year,” knocking off the highly favored Cheetahs to get the BDFL post-season off with a blast!

Sleds Hold Serve and Bash BioCats 33-20:

Returning things to normal on the other side of the bracket, the Fairfield PowerSleds had no trouble advancing with a win over former roommate, Jerry James, 33-20. The Western Hills Wildcats were not embarrassed, but they also never came close to defeating the Mean Machine. Mad Jack Barnes (no longer Slovensky) is now the favorite to win it all, and we’ll see if the pressure gets to him from being temporarily on top of the pyramid. The “James Gang” had a decent season, making it into the BDCS, but they ended up begin no match for the Sleds.

Pressure Gets to Dorians in Vapor Lock vs. Bellcows:

The pressure appeared to get to Barry K. Stephenson in Round One. The Altadena Dorians “stunk up the joint,” in the opening round, lost to the Fieldstown Bellcows by ten, and shared the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” by scoring in single digits. Belrose’s team had an off weekend, and still managed to defeat the Dorians, 18-8. Both of these teams had impressive regular seasons, but they will now go in separated directions, as the Dorians will play for nothing (but pride) over the next two weeks, and the “young but naïve,” Bellcows will advance (with pride) and try to hoist the Grand Daddy Trophy for the first time in their expansion career in the BDFL.

Sloths Sloppy in Loss to Dogs:

The Sloth Monsters also scored only 8-points in the opening round of the BMS to share the Toilet Seat Team of the Week, and they were defeated by the Brookside Dogs, 12-8, in a sleepy little sloppy match-up on the back pages of the post-season. Mark’s Mutts were pleased with the win, and are still not paying much attention to the 2020 season, as they continue to “bask” in the glow of last year’s BDFL Championship.

Gamblers Top Mayors in Big Mullet:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers will not get a chance to hold the Helmet O’ Silver aloft this season as they are mired in the Big Mullet Series (BMS). However, more than any other BDFL team, the Gamblers are “at home” on the Gulf Coast, and plan to have a big time over the holidays in the BMS. “Submitted for your approval,” is Week 15 in the BDFL, the Dixie Mafia came out strong in their home environment, and sent the Magic City Mayors home following a 24-17 victory. With losses to all of the top seeds in the BMS, the Gamblers – with a home region advantage – look to be the favorites to win the consolation bracket, and possibly grab the number one selection in the 2021 BDFL Pony Draft.

Meanwhile in the JrBDFL: