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From underneath a rock in Media Void
 Week 5:
The
Bulletin - She Got Weird On
Me
Grenadiers Put Whippin’ on Bellcows:
In a weird week in the NFL (and by
association) a weird week in the Big Daddy Football League, The
Commissioner had his “Hands full” getting all his franchise’s ducks in a
row. But, when the games actually started, his Mineral Springs
Grenadiers had a “turkey shoot” type of vict’ry over the Fieldstown
Bellcows. This one was never close, as the Grenadiers hammered the
Bell-heads in “official” A.W. fashion with a final score of
44-14.
Sloths Slaughter Dogs:
“We aren’t casting any aspersions, but since the Brookside Dogs won the
BDFL Championship… there’s been a worldwide pandemic, rioting in the
streets, and civil unrest from Portland to Washington, D.C.” That quote
belongs to an anonymous source that sounded a lot like a guy that used
to live in Garden View Estates and run around with a 300-pound offensive
lineman from UWA (formerly known as Livingston University, in Sumter
County, a few clicks south of York – not New York – just regular York)
In the BDFL, the Sloth Monsters and their head coach/general manager –
Mukes – made no denials, but, they neither confirmed. All the Three Toed
Tree Dwellers did in Week 5 in the BDFL season, was dominate the Dogs.
The scoreboard illustrated a 20-point win, 27-7, which was one-point
short of an A.W. The Brookside Dogs had “no comment” in defeat, but did
haul away the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak Award,” for their
single-digit performance.
Cheetahs Upend Gamblers to Remain Undefeated:
Through five weeks of the 2020 season, it appears that both the
Southside Cheetahs and the Gulf Coast Gamblers are contenders in the
BDFL. But, it is the Cheetahs that are undefeated. The old, rusty, Sin
Wagon is “rolling, baby,” early in the Fantasy Football season. The
Cheetahs took care of business in Week 5 by up-ending the Gamblers,
36-22. Butch and his bunch are playing well and still haven’t lost, but
they are also benefitting from some fortunate match-ups, as the Cheetahs
are not the top team in the Gray Beard Division, as they are second in
the “total points” category in that tough-@$$ division.
Blitz Edge Freebirds to Stay Unbeaten:
The Druid City Blitz is “living the dream,” so far in the 2020 BDFL
season in the face of COVID-19 concerns and NFL scheduling nightmares.
In Week 5, the games stretched through Tuesday Night, which put The
Bulletin a day behind. The delay benefited DaBlitz as Jerry Fritz’s
Gritz Blitz escaped with a one-point win over the Black Creek Freebirds,
31-30. Unlike the Cheetahs, the Blitz’s 5-0 record and overall point
total have them in first place in the Yellow Hammer Division through
five weeks.
Mayors Outscore Bullets:
The Benton Bullets left the friendly confines of Northwest Lowndes
County for a trip to the city. They ended up in Birmingham at the Old
Grey Lady, where they appeared in a pair of Shug-Bear Bowls in the late
60’s and early 70’s. The results were the same for the Bullets, as they
met defeat. This time, it wasn’t Crestwood or Hoover doing the damage
against the visitors… it was the Magic City Mayors outscoring the
Blanks, 38-30. Both teams fist bumped after the game, and the Mayors
were able to amend a city ordinance in regards to the COVID-19
situation, and opened up the Tide & Tiger, so both teams could enjoy a
post-game, gather-up on Graymont Avenue. The Bullets had to buy.
Armadillos Slip Past Sleds:
In another one-point game in the BDFL in Week 5 (the other was Blitz 31,
Freebirds 30 – in case you forgot, or can’t maintain comprehension from
two paragraphs above), the Duncanville Armadillos held on to slip past
the Fairfield PowerSleds, 32-31. This was a wild game from start to
finish. This one started with action on Thursday night in the NFL, and
ran through a host of games on Sunday, then carried on into Monday Night
Football and didn’t become final until the last game of the designated
week on Tuesday Night. The Armadillos got the vict’ry, but they were not
happy with their defense giving up a lot of points, “but less than Bama
gave up against Kiffin,” said K.P. Meanwhile, the Dreaded Schedule Maker
(DSM) appears to have singled out the Sleds, who have 188 total points –
good for first in their division – but with an overall record now of
just 3-2.
Dorians Dominate Wildcats:
The Altadena Dorians also have had issues this season with the schedule.
Old Barry’s team is just 2-3 on the season, but they are in first place
in the Green Horn Division, and actually have the 2nd overall point
total in the BDFL. The Dorians did get a big vict’ry this past weekend
by dominating the Western Hills Wildcats, 38-18. It looked like an A.W.,
and felt like an A.W., and even smelled like an A.W., but in the final
“taste test,” it was NOT an A.W. The Dorians only won by 20, and to be
an “official” @$$-whipping, it has to be 21-points irregardless of how
lopsided it appears.
Deacons Top ‘Nauts by Six:
The Blue Deacons and the Juggernauts had the snoozer game of the week.
However, Bishop was pretty happy with the outcome, as the Heavy Duty
Bishop Squad (HDBS) came up with its first win of the season, by
defeating A.E.’s ‘Nauts, 16-10. After five weeks in the 2020 season,
four teams are already staring down the barrel of the Bullet Rule. They
are in no particular order… these two teams Blue Deacons (1-4) and
Juggernauts (1-4) along with the Mildcats (1-4) and the Benton Blanks
(1-4).
Down in the minor leagues…
The Bulletin was unable (or unwilling) to extract any
measurable data from the JrBDFL this past week. From a parenting
standpoint, it appears as if one Hand child won, one Hand child lost,
and one is off at college, so who knows? The Bulletin can give
an unrelated update on Morgan Academy. The JV (Milton) won their last
game of the season, 38-20, on the road in Greenville vs. Fort Dale on
Tuesday with Milton grabbing 3 catches and scoring a two-point
conversion on a fumble recovery. The Hand Brothers (Chris & Jaimie)
dropped by the press box FriNite in Bessemer to visit Bullet during the
Senators’ 56-28 blowout loss to #3 Bessemer Academy.
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