The Bulletin kicks off the 26th year of exclusive coverage of the BDFL in 2020
From underneath a rock in Media Void
Week 1: The Bulletin - Campaign 2020
Bullets Win OT Laugher
The
26th year of The Bulletin begins with one of the luckiest
weekends that a team has ever experienced in the BDFL. The Benton
Bullets defeated the Black Creek Freebirds, 28-28, in overtime on the
strength of the longest scoring play, which was a piddley 29-yard field
goal. It gets better (or worse, if you are a fan of Freebird, and we
know you are). The Bullets had a TD overturned by replay on Thursday
Night, only to have the same receiver to score from a yard out, two
plays later. On Sunday, the old Bullerino lucked into a passing TD being
overturned by replay… only to have Kenyan Drake (RTR) score a 6-point TD
on the next play. The capper came on Monday Night, when all Hime Hand
needed was 5-points from his kicker or 4 to tie. The kicker missed
4-FG’s and one PAT. And, as you already know, the Bullets won in OT.
Also, just to show you that the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) was in
mid-season form, this was the only game of Week One to be a pick-em (P).
It ended up dead even, with Bullet starting 1-0, and Ol’ Kawliga 0-1.
Jaimie Hand texted this comment: “Years
ago, Hummer’s defense/special teams returned a kick to the 1-yard-line.
Next play, my running back runs it in. That’s an 18-point swing. I win
when I should have lost.”
Sloth Monsters Bury Mayors, 45-20
In the only A.W. of Week One, the Sloth Monsters demolished the Magic City Mayors by 25. It was a fantastic start for Mukes, who had to battle a number of factors in the off-season, but emerged with a huge vict’ry to start the 2020 campaign. As for the Cronies, they scored a decent amount of points (20) that would have earned them a win against four other teams in the opening weekend, but it seems the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM) is also off to a good start and nearing mid-season form.
'Dillosrack
up 45-points in Rout (but not A.W.)
Now the oddsmakers were way off on this one. They had the Duncanville Armadillos favored by just 1.5-points over the Where Are They Now Wildcats. The final score read: 45-29 in favor of the Little Ol’ Team from Texas. So, with the Week One vict’ry the ‘Dillos have served notice that they intend to be a team to be reckoned with in 2020. As for the Wildcats, they were able to get full credit for attending a BDFL Genuine Draft, even as an out-of-state team with the first-ever virtual BDFL draft via Zoom and the ever-popular Internet. The James Gang even scored 29-points, but they will still limp back home (to wherever that is) with a Big Ol’ “L.”
Dogs Back to Reality in 2020
Never in the hist’ry of the BDFL has a team celebrated and “basked in
the glow,” of a BDFL Championship like the Brookside Dogs. It was an
almost year-long party in Brookside with parades and Grand Daddy Trophy
presentations and viewing stations from Wayne’s Place to Sharon Heights.
“Basking, Big Daddy,” was
Dog’s comments to nearly every question or opening salutation. There was
even a reality show depicting the small Jefferson County town, and the
rise of its number one citizen, the man who brought the Town a Title,
Mr. Mark Burr. However, that was then… and, this is now, as the year
2019 is over and it’s 2020, and the Dogs got a “reality check” to start
the season. The Mineral Springs Grenadiers gave up their “home game” and
traveled the 5 miles, to the banks of the Five Mile Creek, to give the
Dogs an opening game, where they could display the Helmet O’ Silver and
raise their banner, where David Foster once roamed the deep, right field
fences. It was a great day, right up until kickoff, when the Former Gut
Grenades exploded with a big 39-28 vict’ry. “Oh,
we’re still basking,” said Dog. “I
got the trophy until the Super Bowl Gala, so ya’ll are just going to
have to deal with that.”
The Gulf Coast Gamblers opened the season with a quick trip to T-Town to take on the Druid City Blitz. Kenny B. & Company knew it had to be a fast visit with a hurricane a coming. The Gamblers almost snuck out of town with a win, but the Fritz Gritz Blitz rallied to edge the Gamblers in one of the two, one-point games in the first week of the BDFL season. Blitz 27, Gamblers 26 read the official excel spreadsheet score attached to the email sent out from the league office on Tuesday morning, officially signifying the outcome of this back-and-forth, nip-and-tuck game in the Big Daddy Football League. Good Luck along with Gulf Coast to all the Breal’s.
In A Snoozer, Bellcows Edge Blue Deacons 13-12
Week One also featured another one-point game, as the ineptness of the Fieldstown Bellcows was matched and exceeded by incompetence of the Mt. High Blue Deacons. In other words, Belrose didn’t quite stink things up as bad as Bishop. The snoozer of a game set the BDFL back a little, but all participants kind of expected this when you let Gardendale-want-a-bees into the prestigious league. The Bellcows will accept the win, and the Blue Deacons will all but certainly claim 2020’s first “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award.
Sleds Dump Dorians
The Altadena Dorians stumbled out of the gate to begin the 2020 Campaign, and they were shot down at the polls by Fairfield’s Finest – the PowerSleds, 28-17. This game did feature several lead changes and more drama than expected, and an upset outcome (yes, the Dorians were actually favored by 1.5 points). Mad Jack Barnes may not have scored many points in the opening weekend, but with the vict’ry, the PowerSleds served noticed that other teams may have to look out for the Mean Machine as the campaign rolls on this fall.
HurricaneSammy
Slams ‘Nauts
The hurricane that is approaching BDFL territory is
Hurricane Sally. But, a different kind of tropical storm hit the Jugtown
Juggernauts in Week One. The Bulletin is calling it Hurricane
Sammy that blew through fantasy football land in the opening week of the
2020 campaign. But, others may recognize it as the Sin Wagon, or the
Southside Cheetahs, who began the season with a 23-18 vict’ry over
A.E.’s Bra Burners in a game that turned out to be exactly as close as
the final score indicated.