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TheBDFL.net THE BULLETIN Week 16

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Bullet's

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“It’s rolling baby, but can the Cheetahs keep it up for one more week. It would be worth it to have some Viagra stock these days"

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"Some of that B.S., redneck, Busch League stuff might work in No Teeth, Tennessee,” said Mayor Arrington. “But, this is the city and we do things differently here.” Pit stops typically end with a vehicle “up on blocks” and hubcaps missing"

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 16 in the BDFL...

Woodies Kill Dogs – Claim Green Horn Title

(Brookside)—Kawliga paid an early visit to Brookside (land of his ancestors) for the holidays and beat Mark’s Mutts “like a dog.” Old Bocephus is headed to the Big Daddy Bowl now, looking for his first-ever, legitimate, fantasy sports championship in any league. His Woodies never went soft this year. They never folded their tee-pees when things got tough, or when it got cold. Hime kept his Tribe marching toward the title in a reversal of previous years and a reversal of the Trail of Tears. Now, the Wooden Warriors go into the Championship Game as heavy favorites against the upstart Cheetahs. But, 2003 will be all for naut if the Injuns can’t bring home a championship to the Black Crick Reservation. Hime’s “pucker factor” is at an all-time high because he knows this next one is for all the marbles. Come to Mukes’ Sunday to watch him sweat.

Cheetahs Pound Powersleds – Claim Gray Beard Trophy

(Riverchase)—The Cheetahs were euphoric after crushing Mad Jack in their “Thigh Masters” this weekend. Then the news dropped like a bombshell: “Mike Price accepts the Head Coaching Job at UTEP.” Now, rumors are circulating about whether he will stay through the Big Daddy Bowl or bolt to El Paso and take Destiny with him. Not even Bill Parcells has done a better job this year than Grandpa Price. The Sin Wagon has rarely – if ever – even finished in the top half of the BDFL, and now they are primed to play for the championship. “It’s rolling baby,” but can the Cheetahs keep it up for one more week. It would be worth it to have some Viagra stock these days.

Bullets Put A.W. on Blades

(Pelham)—What’s the old cliché about “bringing a knife to a gun fight,” well L.A. did it again this weekend, and you can imagine the results. Bullet fired his way to his 10th win of the season, blasting the Blades and taking their double-edged, power-rangers’ sickle as a souvenir. Bullerino gave the North Shelby Sod Farmers another A.W., in a year where the Weed Whackers have found all kinds of new ways to lose. Whether it’s “lack of competitive spirit” or showing up at the draft, L.A. has got to get this figured out by next year. Meanwhile, Bullet plans to spend the off-season celebrating his 10-win season, breaking in a new La-Z-Boy, working out the publishing details on his latest book and quaffing.’ For Bullet’s post game and post season quotes and insight, check out the Bullets team page "The Bullistic Report" at: http://www.thebdfl.net/03TheBullisticReport.htm

Nauts Slaughter Sloths

(Lake Cyrus)—A.E. took her “Rice Rocket” to Lake Cyrus to do a little Christmas shopping on Sunday at the Collage Home Office Store. Mukes apparently had agreed to model a few select items that the ‘Nauts were getting a chance to purchase before they were put on Ebay. And, although Mukes has lost a lot of weight through a combination of the Atkins Diet, cutting back on chips and having a biopsy procedure to remove some “ugly,” he still couldn’t fit into anything remotely close to what the Juggernauts were looking for. A.E. ended up putting an A.W. on Mukes, buying a few stocking stuffers, and pulling just a little bit of redemption out of a season that has been “just horrible.” Who let girls in the Big “Daddy” Football League anyway?

Johnny’s Out-wrestle Woosiers

(Hayden)—It was like Rocky II or III. It was like Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa locking horns once again. Longtime teammates lurched “back into the breech” this weekend up in Blount County as enemies, no less. All those years in tights, wrestling around in the bottom weight classes, sharing the same headgears, staff infections and boils had to be put aside. All those Rocket connections and Bricks moments and Dorian Championships had to go on the back burner for a day, as Woo took on Johnny in a prodigious grudge match in the hills of Smoke Rise. When the smoke finally cleared and the rug burns were counted, the Grenades proved to have a little more “pop” than the Woosiers. Pistol took the hard-earned vict’ry, shook hands with Tommy T. and they promised to have yet another rematch if they can dig up Burgess Meredith. (Mickey!)

Mayors Edge Bootleggers

(Fair Park)—The Wood Brothers brought their Big Block Dodge to B.I.R. this weekend to run against the Cronies’ Lincolns and Crown Victoria’s. What a clash of cultures! “Some of that B.S., redneck, Busch League stuff might work in No Teeth, Tennessee,” said Mayor Arrington. “But, this is the city and we do things differently here.” Pit stops typically end with a vehicle “up on blocks” and hubcaps missing. The Bootleggers couldn’t get used to this strategy and were completely lost, and ended up losing a close game to the Mayors. As for the Defending Champion Cronies, they had a dismal season and will see their reign as top dog, big boss, king of the road, captain of the ship, and head honcho end at the end of Big Daddy Bowl II. Watch out for new taxes in 2004.

Wizards Practically Shutout - Fall to Gamblers

(Greystone)—Still mourning from the firing of his idol, Dan Reeves, Merlin practically didn’t show up in Week 16 to take on the visiting Gamblers, and were humiliated and held to single digits (4-points). After all, most of his players were loyal to Hime for drafting them. (Merlin was a no show.) And, what a second team Kawliga selected, even with the scatter-brained “Reeves clone” Merlin running the show, they still managed to finish in the upper echelon of the Green Horn Division. Be fore warned however, Reeves/Parks usually pull their biggest Greg Louganis (dive) in the Big Daddy Bowl. Tune in Sunday. As for the Gamblers, if they’re not playing for first – and they're not – Kenny B. is like, “what’s the point.”

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