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Bullet's

Quote of

Week

"Mukes’ Monsters have been working for weeks to “get the new fall line out,” and apparently didn’t have much time to put a game plan together".

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 1 in the BDFL...

Wooden Warriors 43 Bootleggers 34

NO TEETH, TENNESSEE—Early season optimism always runs high on the reservation, and this year is no exception. Hime’s Wooden Warriors beat their tom-toms all the way across the northern state line and back, and in the process out-scored John Wood’s Bootleggers, who had no problem getting its big block dodge in gear, but they still couldn’t keep pace with the Injuns. Most of the BDFL veterans know its always dangerous to play the Black Crick Crew before their traditional and yearly October fade… so, the Tennessee backwoods whiskey runners will just have to blame this “L” on the ole schedule maker.

Genades 22 Bullets 12

GREEN SPRINGS—Just like Bear Bryant and Al Davis years before him, Bullet has caused more changes to the BDFL Rule Book than Carter’s has little pills. (See 1997 Tainted Title.) And, now he’s petitioning the commish for a pre-season game after a woeful showing in week one. Of course, it will never happen since the Johnny’s cranked it up a notch and sent the Benton Boys limping back to Lowndes County. The Grenades even pulled a page from Bullet’s book, heading to the pick-up truck in the George Ward parking lot after the game for a ceremonial “gather-up” to “quaff” a few.

Cheetahs 39 Blades 6

RIVERCHASE—With new coach Mike Price at the helm and Destiny calling signals, the Cheetahs could be a force to be recognized with in 2003. (Unless you don’t want to lose out on $10 million.) The revamped Cheetahs had no trouble at all in their opener, completely embarrassing L.A. Apparently, the Section 69 Sickles could be in more trouble than just losing a game: Rumors are circulating that Briggs & Stratton may pull its sponsorship of the Blades, and Lyle will have to fall back on his CPA-skills. That’s not good news.

Wizards 24 Mayors 20

OLD WEATHERLY—In a rematch of last year’s Big Daddy Bowl, Wise Old Alan from the Gray Beard Division got dusted this time around by the Pixie Dusters. Ashamed of his War Chickens so much vs. USC, that he couldn’t bear to be around the BDFL Draft, Merlin “phoned it in.” Well, actually he was careful to not be around a phone either on draft night. But, it paid off at least in week one, as the Wizards exacted a little revenge from last season’s championship game. (Maybe Tubs will give him a call to replace Hugh Nall?) Meanwhile, the Cronies appear a long way away from defending their 2003 championship.

Woosiers 22 Sloth Monsters 19

SMOKE RISE—After missing the draft, and falling out of favor with the Commissioner (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) Tommy T’s “Smoke-Riders in the Sky” came out in week one and upset the highly favored Sloth Monsters. Mukes’ Monsters have been working for weeks to “get the new fall line out,” and apparently didn’t have much time to put a game plan together. Asked last week whether they were going to scout the Woosiers or party – Mukes was heard to say – “We’re going scout. Here hold this,” while at the same time handing out a bottle of Jack Daniels to his coaching staff. The plan back-fired like an old Delta 88.

Juggernauts 21 PowerSleds 9

FAIRFIELD—The 3^rd team to miss this year’s draft reaped the benefits of absenteeism in week one. A.E. had the best reason of all for missing out on the long, tedious, sweltering selection process as she entertained some former Bama co-eds after the successful debut of Mike Shula. (Who turned down an offer for a BDFL franchise. His dad may join next year.) It all paid off for the Juggernauts against – what appears to be – another version of the once-powerful, but now PowerLESS Sleds. Mad Jack’s Sleds could only manage three field goals against the girls. “I can’t imagine,” Jack said, “going more than one game without scoring a touchdown.” Who could?

Gamblers 19 Dogs 3

BILOXI—This week’s Toilet Seat Team of the Week is – surprise – the Dogs. “How long have they been awful?” asked a prominent BDFL observer. Well, it appears they may be bad for yet another season, and this year without a good reason to protest. The Gamblers, on the other hand are the George Costanza “direct opposite” of the Dogs and probably invented the term “upper-echelon.” With another 1-0 start, look for the gamblers to continue living by the Gulf Coast Casino Creed: “The House Rules.”

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