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“ For Mark’s Mutts they’ll go back to Goose Alley, (or Wayne’s Place) pop open a PBR, listen to some Terry Tarrence tunes and celebrate their first vict’ry of the season and tell their boyhood friends about their one-point-escape from John Lee Pettimore Country. Said Dog, "Who says you never come back from Copperhead Road?”"

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 2 in the BDFL...

Johnny Looks Studley vs. Mayors

(GREEN SPRINGS) “Oozing with optimism,” is the new mantra for the Grenades. “This could be the year Johnny Cockstud himself said following his team’s 2nd straight vict’ry to start the 2003 season. The defending champion Mayors are 0-2 and appear to have gotten some ill-advised advise on how to handle being highly-ranked from Mike DuBose and Tommy Tuberville. Right now the Cronies are just “rank.” The Bulletin was unable to confirm that the Mayors “treated” the Grenades to “freebies” at the Deli following the contest at George Ward Memorial.

Gamblers Outscore Sleds

(BILOXI, MISS.) The Power Sleds made the 5-hour drive to Biloxi in three hours passing mile-markers at a Greg Brooks’-like pace of 35-seconds per marker. Needless to say, the travel time they saved helped them to get an early start at the casinos, load up on some free booze, and pull out to an early lead against The Real Deal. In fact, just when Mad Jack thought his Sleds were going to pull off an unexpected “Big John!” on the unsuspecting Gamblers – he crapped out. The Dolodomers found out the hard way that, “the House always wins.” On the somber ride back to Fairfield the Sleds could not be consoled with a “moral vict’ry,” so they stopped at the UA intramural fields to pay tribute to the birthplace of their nickname on its 20th anniversary. (Or thereabouts.)

Woodies Get Chopped to Pieces by “Slang” Blades

(BLACK CRICK) The leaves haven’t begun to turn yet, and Ol’ Bocephus is already in trouble. Hime’s tribe took several lashes on the backside from L.A.’s sickles this weekend and folded like a cheap suit in their “slug fest” with the Blades. “Was it cold in Fultondale this weekend?” asked one neutral observer upon hearing the final score, “Hime usually does well early in the season.” Fultondale Mayor Jim Lowery is considering a proposal to convert the Black Crick ballpark into a dome. The plan calls for installing only heaters, no AC, and – of course – no windows. The theory is if the Woodies don’t feel it turn cold and don’t see fall approaching, they may actually have a chance at finishing in the upper echelon of the BDFL. Kawliga got some points this weekend, but not a vict’ry.

Sin Wagon “On a Roll”

(RIVERCHASE) Mukes’ stack of ones ran out way too fast and the revved-up Sin Wagon rolled over the Sloths this weekend. Infused with some fresh new talent picked up in the off-season from Artey’s Angels on the coast, the Cheetahs are looking strong in ’03, while not attractive. The feline infusion has the Cats looking for that ever-illusive winning season. And, if they don’t get it, they plan to sue Iron Hand, the BDFL, Wizards Winners and The Bulletin for more than $20 million.

Merlin gets some help from some shotty accounting

(GREYSTONE) Still reeling from her defeat at the polls on Tuesday as a proponent of the largest tax increase in the history of the western world – or southeastern U.S. – A.E. drug her deflated Juggernauts into the Tea & Crumpets Coliseum on Sunday only to be disappointed again, but this time by a more narrow margin 20-19. The argyle crowd, while celebrating the vote that will keep their beloved “status quo” in tact, threw an array of “smoke and mirrors” at the ‘Nauts with anything they could find… namely cheese straws, tennis rackets, Pings, and Mercedes’ key chains. After the vict'ry Merlin took a ceremonial vict’ry lap – inside the gated confines – with a big vote “NO” sign, taunting A.E. (Sort of like his idol – M.L. Carr.)

Bullets Shot Down by Dogs

(BENTON) The Bullets home opener at Rebel Stadium in Hayneville went smooth as silk. Except for the outcome. The fired-up Lowndes County Crew enjoyed playing host to the Dogs “who don’t get out of the house much, the Dog House, that is.” Coming in as the defending Toilet Seat Team of the Weak, the Dogs felt like they had something to prove and they chewed on Bullet’s hind-quarters, for four-quarters, like a piece of old Nagahide. For Mark’s Mutts they’ll go back to Goose Alley, (or Wayne’s Place) pop open a PBR, listen to some Terry Tarrence tunes and celebrate their first vict’ry of the season and tell their friends about their one-point-escape from John Lee Pettimore Country. Said Dog, “Who says you never come back from Copperhead Road?”

Woo and Wood Brothers Battle North of the Border

(NO TEETH, TENN.) In a battle of the two most northern (Yankee) BDFL franchises, the Bootleggers played host to the Woosiers. Both teams had plans going into the game to take advantage of the others’ weaknesses. The Wood Brothers hoped to distract Tommy T. with old Edgar Winter vinyl albums playing on a Wal-Mart stereo. Woo decided he would counter by offering the Whiskey Runners some White Lightning. There was “fire on the mountain and lightning in the air,” but since there are no phones in No Teeth, Tennessee… (and no running water, electricity or indoor toilets) at press time, there was still no score to report. However, since Woo was late returning to Hayden, all we can assume is that the Smoke Riders in the Sky were limping south after being taken to the proverbial woodshed, which – of course -- they do have “north of the border.”

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