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“If you go down to the Ned, you better not go at night or you might end up like Burt Reynolds’ canoe buddies from Deliverence.”

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 4 in the BDFL...

Cheetahs “Rolling Baby”

Never before in the hist’ry of the BDFL have the Cheetahs been this “frisky.” They are “putting on a show” thus far in 2003. Butch’s felines are “shaking it, and so far… no one can take it.” The latest Wide-Eyed Southern Boys to venture into the Den of Sin were the Mayors. And, the Tax-and-Spend Cronies got over-whelmed by the “flesh machine.” The Mayor didn’t know whether to scratch or sniff when the Cat Scratch Fever broke out on his way home Sunday. Head Coach Mike “Grandpa” Price has the dancers doing a number on the competition and is far and away the leader for Coach of the Year (and Gray Beard of the Year) after four weeks.

Bootleggers Run to One-Point Win Against Bullets

The Bullets visit “north of the border” turned into another one-point loss for the snake bit Benton Boys. Nobody expected much from the Bullets, who were playing without a kicker and without Shaun Alexander. They still managed to “gut it out” and score 24 against the Bootleggers and the difference in the game could have been the same difference “Little E” faced at Talladega – no partners. The Bullerino tried unsuccessfully to pull off a last minute trade to land a kicker for Week 4, but could not find a dancing partner to work with. As it turns out, a kicker would have put Bullet in the vict’ry column with just one point. Instead, the former champion Bullets will retreat to the Black Belt and get ready for the next game. For Bullet’s latest bull click here

Blades Sickle Sloths

Another winless team four games into the 2003 season is another former champion, the Lake Cyrus Sloth Monsters. Muke’s Three-toed Tree Dwellers were cut down (timber!) to size by the surprising Blades, L.A.’s team – that he drafted himself – has never been this good. We don’t know if there is something in the water in North Shelby County, but as Mukes will attest, “if you go down to the Ned, you better not go at night or you might end up like Burt Reynolds’ canoe buddies from Deliverence.”

Woodies Out Draft Wizards

“When you pick your team and your opponent's team,” said a dejected Merlin on Sunday, “you should be able to dictate the outcome of the game. And, that’s exactly what Kawliga did. However, I do want to thank him for drafting Culpepper for me, even though he was hurt and didn’t play this week.” Meanwhile, the Woodies have completed yet another fabulous September. Can they “stay hot” when the weather turns cold? Or will they fold like a cheap tee-pee when the first frost comes along just as they have throughout their entire existence. The Wizard gets an A.W., and the distinction of being named the Toilet Seat Team of the Week. “Prognosticate on that,” said a jubilant Jaimie after the vict’ry. “He’s (the Wizard) no Leonard’s Loser.”

Sleds Rock to Win in Smoke Rise

In a Gray Beard match-up that pits the BDFL’s biggest Rock and Rollers, the Sleds were able to crank their stereos “just a notch or two” above that of the Woo Crew and it paid off in a huge road vict’ry for the Dolodomers. Mad Jack popped the top on a couple of Stroh’s as he left Smoke Rise with Foghat’s famous “Slow Ride” blaring through the hills of Blount County. Meanwhile, the Woosiers seemed to sum up the weekend festivities by saying he would much rather lose to the gray, over-cast, heavy metal Sleds than to some of the other Politically Correct geezers of the Gray Beard Division.

Mutts Ground Juggernauts

The Brookside Bulldogs haven’t been the same since their school was burned down in the 70’s, however the vision that Dwight Slowees, John Foster, and Dodie Goode along with the Pickles and Goochs had for their hometown is now being played out by the Dogs. They are successfully inviting naïve out-of-towners (like the wholesome Juggernauts) into town and then proceeding to take them to the cleaners. It’s a good thing A.E. works with some “wrench monkeys” now, because she is going to need their help to put her ‘Nauts back together after they were “taken apart” on the banks of the Five Mile Creek.

Grenades Get the Real Deal from Gamblers

Iron Hand got it handed to him this weekend by the Real Deal. Pistol’s George Ward Memorial home field advantage evaporated under the “Dial 8” mentality of the Gamblers. Iron complained about the bat and ball inspections before the game. But, it didn’t seem to matter at all to the Real Deal that the game was being played with 44-core, loosely wound, microwave-proof softballs and regulation ASA-sanctioned lumber. The Gamblers pounded the Duds and separated themselves as contenders above the Grenades, who continue to be just pretenders in the Gray Beard Division. The Johnny’s were heard to say after falling in five under the 10-run rule, “Let me up. I’ve had enough.”

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