The Bulletin

An old photo from the Birmingham Post-Herald of the 1980 Gardendale Rockets

Birmingham Post-Herald early edition

PowerSleds roar to vict’ry over the Mayors:

Come on feel the noise,” was the message of the white, shoe-polished, rear window of the “Mean Machine” as it rolled out of downtown Birmingham, headed west, back to Fairfield on Sunday Night. The PowerSleds had just scored the most points in Week 3 in the BDFL, and escaped the Magic City with a narrow vict’ry over the Mayors. This one could be called an “instant classic,” just weeks before the annual Magic City Classic. The Cronies and Sleds battled back and forth in a game that wasn’t always fair and a game that had a boatload of penalties and mistakes. No one from Birmingham or Fairfield ever expected deceit, trickery, or conniving to come from these fine, upstanding citizens, and practical pillars of the community. Amidst scoreboard malfunctions and clock mismanagement, the game was finally decided in the final seconds, and the PowerSleds got the win and cranked up the old 8-track for the short drive back to Fairfield, and The Bulletin is pretty sure Mad Jack will just ignore those speeding tickets and noise code violations.

Commissioner dominates 'Dillos:

The Commissioner ventured to Texas (and other than the Arkansas Razorbacks) had the most fun, bashing a team from the Lone Star State. The Mineral Springs Grenadiers dominated the Duncanville Armadillos in a game that was never close, and actually ended up being an A.W. The Commish didn’t do too much bragging, as he didn’t see it as such a big deal to beat a team from the over-hyped, over-rated, state of Texas. “Just because you love something (football), and you have a lot of people playing it (football), doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it,” said Iron Hand at his post-game press conference. The loss was still demoralizing to the ‘Dillos who miss their starting tailback and miss venturing to T-Town for tailgating.

Bullets finally shoot straight – Blast Bellcows 38-26:

"C – H – I – L - L," The ol’ Bullerino spelled it out to the fans of the Benton Bullets, as well as their athletic supporters, alumni, and financial consultants after an 0-2 start to the 2021 season in the BDFL. He said, he was not copying ARod’s famous “Relax,” quote, but he was trying to get the Bullet Nation to get a grip and get behind the team after a rough start to the season that saw the Boys from Benton pick up two-straight “toilet seat" awards. On paper, in Week 3, it looked like an uphill climb for the Bullets with a match-up against the undefeated Fieldstown Bellcows. However, the guild, cunning, and overall strategy of the Bullerino came shining through and ultimately led to a vict’ry. It was the first win for the Bullets this season and the first loss for the Bellcows. Here’s how it happened: Bullet hung out with Belrose, tailgated with him, and listened to all of this old Fultondale stories about the Headley’s, Hurst’s, and Hazelrig’s. He even laughed at some of Belrose’s jokes. So, D.B. was lulled into a “false sense of security” on Saturday. Then on Sunday in Fieldstown… Bullet unleashed an old, 55-gallon drum of whoop-@$$. The final score was 38-26 in favor of the Bullets, who partied in Fieldstown (with Belrose and many of the GHS “Misfits of ’81.”)

Dogs slime Sloths on the banks of the Five Mile Creek:

The Brookside Dogs slipped the surly bonds of the ranks of the winless with a big win at home against the Sloth Monsters. Brookside Ball Park, on the banks of the Five Mile Creek, was rocking on Sunday afternoon as the hometown Dogs gave the fans a lot to cheer about. “Mark’s Mutts” jumped on the Sloths early and didn’t allow the Three Toed Tree Monsters to get any kind of a foothold. Getting any kind of a “hold” is always difficult for the Sloths, due to the fact that they haven’t evolved enough yet to develop plausible thumbs. The former “Super Banker,” and now processed rubber tycoon set out quickly to celebrate by driving to the nearest Milo’s Hamburgers location to get a double cheeseburger and text some of his close friends in The Preserve. The names found in his “contacts list” in his cellphone included neighbor, Stan White, and recently jaded, transfer portal participant, Bo “Gotta Go” Nix.

Blue Deacons continue to descend:

While the Bullets and the Dogs picked up their first wins of the 2021 season, the hapless Mt. High Blue Deacons remain winless. The final score was actually pretty close, but the Gulf Coast Gamblers were able to come away with the win over the Bishops, in the always treacherous Hayden hayfields. The Heavy Duty Bishop Squad (HDBS) falls to 0-3 on the young season, but they are digging themselves a hole that they may never be able to crawl out of until it is too late.

Cheetahs climb to 3-0 by topping Wildcats 21-16:

The Bulletin has chronicled the winless teams that notched a vict’ry in Week 3 (see Bullets and Dogs), and the one team that fell to 0-3 (Blue Deacons). But, what about at the other end of the spectrum or at the summit of the Big Daddy Football League after the first three weeks of all the fast-moving, rock-em-sock-em action? Well, the undefeated Bellcows were beaten, so the only two remaining unbeaten teams in the BDFL were the Southside Cheetahs and the Western Hills Wildcats. Those two teams squared-off this past weekend to see who would emerge as the only undefeated team in the nation’s premiere fantasy football league. In a close game, Butch Neal’s Cheetahs won out against Jerry James’ Wildcats. The game did not live up to its hype, as both teams kind of slogged around. However, when the final whistle sounded, the Sin Wagon escaped with a narrow vict’ry over the "James Gang".

Juggernauts blitz daBlitz:

On Saturday, droves of fans make the drive down from Gardendale and other suburban B’ham towns down to T-Town to watch the Tide roll. On Sunday, the Druid City Blitz did just the opposite and drove up to Jugtown to face off against A.E.’s ‘Nauts at Ed Bruce Field at the Rockets' Driver Stadium, just off Mt. Olive Road. It was not a pleasant trip for the DaBlitz. Jerry Fritz found out that it is not a lot of fun to be on the visiting side at that stadium. The Juggernauts came out strong by returning the opening kickoff for a touchdown and they never looked back in posting a big win against the "Gritz Blitz". Assured of the win, Allyson will now return to T-Town to make preparations for the annual “cousins on the quad,” set for next Saturday prior to the Ole Miss vs. Alabama game, but not on the actual quad. A.E. & Company will be on the “Ferguson Green,” to welcome the rank-and-file of the BDFL for pre-game activities before the Lane Train stops at Bryant Denny Stadium.

Freebirds and Bandits battle to the wire:

The Fultondale Freebirds and the Altadena Bandits fought to the finish in Week 3 in BDFL action. Old Barry was forearming refrigerators and Hime Hand was burning couches on the sidewalk. The two former roommates were battling it out for four quarters, but they could not settle the outcome of this epic match-up on Sunday afternoon. So, the F’Birds and T’Birds… er T-Tops agreed to complete the struggle for a BDFL vict’ry on Monday Night Football with the Manning Brothers and Nick Saban on the back channels of the "worldwide leader". At press time, The Bulletin still could not find a score in this game which may have set the league back to the days when Parks and Hummer were playing in the basement and Woo was keeping score.

Week 3 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Junior League, it was another typical, middle-class weekend for the kids. Briarwood won again and Morgan lost, but it was homecoming, so everyone smiled and danced and stayed out late. The action on Sunday in the JrBDFL was added up by espn.com, and tabulated in cyberspace, and doled out to the teenagers and those in their early-20’s and the accepted it as written. The winners didn’t gloat too much and the losers – namely the Lowndes County Labs – whined, “Every team I play scores the most points that week.”

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