The Bulletin

A couple of classic remnants from the "old school" BDFL Genuine Draft Night 2021

Cap and Jack... Captain Jack

What’s with the Wildcats? – Strong season sustaining so far:

The Western Hills Wildcats have served notice through just two weeks into the 2021 season, that things are going to be different. “Mildcats No More,” read one of the signs in cyberspace marking a strong season start that appears to be self-sustaining into Week Two of BDFL action. The “James Gang” jumped off a jumbo trampoline at the Five Points West fun house emporium on Sunday, and landed flush on the Brookside Dogs. “Mark’s Mutts” tried to scratch and claw their way back into contention in the second half, but by the 4th quarter, they were done. The 40-26 loss drops the Dogs to a dismal 0-2 start to begin the season, while the Wildcats are at the other end of the kennel. The “James Gang” is 2-0 on the young season and hold the highest point total in the Big Daddy Football League at 83-points.

PowerSleds rebound with 39-30 vict’ry over ‘Nauts:

A Week One defeat did not sit well with the Fairfield PowerSleds. So, during ensuing days of practice on the hard-scrabble, half-gravel fields of 38th Street, Mad Jack Barnes worked his team hard. The “Mean Machine” put their hands on the line a number of times – too many to count. Big Jack had his loyal subject go through up-downs, stadium runs, and vomit drills. The Sleds bought into the process. On Sunday, the PowerSleds picked up a much-needed vict’ry by outscoring the Jugtown Juggernauts, 39-30. Allyson blamed the loss on a late return and too much celebrating on her team’s Saturday excursion to Gainesville, Florida. However, she said her team would bounce back, and would face every challenge that comes up this season. “We won’t back down,” A.E. said.

The Commissioner wades through Heavy Duty B.S. to get W:

The Commissioner also ventured to Tom Petty country, Gator Country, land of the Water Lizards on Saturday. Old Iron Hand did not use that as an excuse to not give 100-percent and to “block his man,” on Sunday in BDFL action. The Mineral Springs Grenadiers also had to travel up to Blount County to battle the Mt. High Blue Deacons on their home turf. “Turf” is a relevant term, because the Bishop’s home field is just weeds mowed real low, you might say scalped, with heavy duty manure fertilizer. The Heavy Duty Bishop Squad (HDBS) was no match for the Grenadiers on the gridiron in this one. The Commish waded through the Hayden hayfield and emerged with a 37-25 win.

Cheetahs catch and claw Cronies:

In a match-up between two members of the BDFL’s “Magnificent Seven,” the Southside Cheetahs defeated the Magic City Mayors, 33-27. In case you’re keeping score at home (and we know you are), in the BDFL, the “Magnificent Seven” refers to the seven teams that are still in the league, that have been in the league, since the league started in 1995. This particular game between the Sin Wagon and the Cronies was hard-fought, back-and-fourth, and contained many lead changes. It was an “instant classic.” When the music at Louie Louie on the Southside finally stopped sometime late after Monday Night Football, the score was posted by @$$ and re-posted, and then verified and deemed “official” by all parties involved and the Mayors and Cheetahs shook hands and parted ways with the Cheetahs experiencing the “thrill of vict’ry,” and the Mayors stuck with the “agony of defeat.”

Gamblers blast Bullets:

Speaking of agony, the Benton Bullets have experience some of that early in 2021. For the second straight week, the Bullets were awarded the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” for another dreadful performance “between the lines.” This is to take nothing away from the Dixie Mafia, but Bullerino registered single digits in a horrible performance, and lost 28-9 to the Gamblers. In a week in the BDFL where there were no A.W.’s – this was the closest as Kenny B. & Company completely dominated the Blanks. Following the road kill in Benton, the Gamblers celebrated all the way down Highway 80 to Highway 94 cutting through Hayneville, and then picked up speed and more revelers on I-65, all the way back down to the friendly confines of the Gulf Coast.

'Dillos dignified in defeat vs. Freebirds:

There are moral vict’ries for teams that travel north and only lose by less-than-ten in a scary white out. Some teams can obtain a moral vict’ry (and their same place in the rankings) by losing to a conference rival, in a nationally televised game on their home field. However, there are no moral vict’ries for the Crimson Tide, Steelers, Packers, Patriots, Yankees, Celtics, and teams with multiple, or league-leading championships. Also, there are no moral vict’ries in the BDFL. The BDFL does have morals, though. The BDFL has fair competition and credible members and leadership. This week’s case in point: the Armadillos did something (The Bulletin didn’t read the e-mail) that garnered praise in cyberspace and was apparently the “right thing to do.” Even without all the facts, The Bulletin salutes K.P. and Company. In this space, where the games are capsulated, the Freebirds beat the ‘Dillos, 32-17.

Bellcows bash Bandits 23-11:

“Thank you Mr. Dreaded Schedule Maker,” said David Belrose at the end of the Week Two tabulations in the BDFL. A dozen other teams would have beaten the Fieldstown Bellcows this past weekend, but the Altadena Dorians, er… Bandits were not one of them. The Bandits – if you can believe this – were “outclassed,” by a team that grew up in Fultondale and played for the sorry, old, blue-and-white Metro teams on the outfield grass at Byrd Field. Why the Commissioner let them claim the highly exalted team town of Fieldstown, we’ll never know. The final score was Bellcows 23, Bandits 11. The Bandits are clearly having problems with a small town Sheriff who wears white suits and looks a lot like Bucket. Barry is going to have to find the shoebox and begin the rebuilding process.

Blitz blindsided by Sloths:

The Druid City Blitz were feeling good about themselves. The “Fritz Gritz Blitz” were ready for a nice Sunday afternoon at Kentuck Park. However, the BDFL schedule called for a visit by the Three Toed Tree Dwellers. Yep. Mukes had spent the Saturday afternoon at Harry’s, watching the Tide Roll. The Sloth Monsters had remained at Harry’s to take in the “white out,” near the great white north. Old Mukes had saved one keg for the after 2 a.m. customers/patrons. By the time the Sloths crawled outta the primordial sludge into the semi-suburban, soccer/folk music park – it was “all over but the shouting,” and wailing and gnashing of teeth. The Sloths took their time (duh) and dismantled the Druid City Blitz, 33-23, to close out Week Two of the action recapped in this week's edition of The Bulletin.

Week 2 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The Bulletin didn’t heard any complaining this Sunday, so it is a fair assumption that the Hand Kids of Benton did better in Week 2 than in Week 1 in the JrBDFL. In fact, the Selma King Henry Southpaws rode Derrick Henry to a near record output to gain a big vict’ry in the Junior League. The Benton Butterflies benched A.A. Ron after a lackluster performance in the opening weekend, and they ALMOST paid the price this past week. However, in what Meredith Hand called the “biggest upset ever,” the little “cocoons that could,” rallied and emerged with a 108.52 to 106.32 vict’ry over the Disappointments. Have you ever seen a football score with fractions? The younger generation, what are you gonna do?

W1TB   W2TB