Grenadiers Finally Win One:

Well, now everybody knows why the Altadena Dorians were invited to join the Big Daddy Football League. The Commission (Bug Selig / Chris Hand) and his franchise (Milwauke Brewers / Mineral Springs Grenadiers) needed a vict’ry in the worst way. What better than to schedule an expansion franchise in a home game, then watch the Newby’s lay down and wallow, so you can pick up a cheap win. It may not be the oldest trick in the book, but it’s a good one, and Ol’ Iron Hand needed it. Sharp Dressed Man’s lackadaisical Grenadiers had started the season 0-6, and watched their owner make a few rash, knee-jerk, reactionary trades and threaten scholarships to try and get better performance out of a ‘bunch of mullets,’ that he actually drafted. In Week Seven, the Dorians were just what the doctor ordered for the Commissioner, and his team was finally able to Win One.

Freebirds Dominate ‘Dillos:

KP spent a little too much time with the Volunteer Navy on Saturday in No Teeth, Tennessee. On Sunday, it showed. Hime Hand spent a little too much time early in the BDFL season, losing close games due to overconfidence, arrogance, lack of class, mistakes, and $#@*-pot luck. On Sunday, the Black Creek Freebirds made their sorry start in 2018 look like a distant memory as they buried the Duncanville Armadillos in A.W. fashion. The Southern Rockers take over the top spot in the overall points category in the BDFL, and push their record to a semi-respectable 3-4 (still under the Bullet Rule). “It’s true I like the money, and I love my brand new car. I love drinking the best old whiskey, and singing in a honky tonk bar,” said Jammin’ Jaimie Hand quoting his team’s namesake in vict’ry lane. “It was an A.W. too,” Hime continued, “I don’t like to brag. I don’t even like to say it, but I know the Bulletin won’t print it.”

Another Hand Game – Another Hand Win:

Bullet made it three wins in Week Seven for the Hand Brothers. A clean sweep by D.K.’s “My Three Sons.” It happens more than you think, if you think about it, especially in the weeks where the Hand Brothers don’t have to play each other. This past weekend, the Benton Bullets actually kinda laid an egg with only a 14-point performance. However, Bullet can thank the Dreaded Schedule Maker for setting him up against the Western Hills Wildcats. The James Gang managed just 14-points, and “upon further review,” and in overtime… the Bullets pulled out a vict’ry where a tie used to be. The Bullerino’s kicker (PK-Maher/DAL) missed a 52-yarder at the buzzer – off the upright – to cause Dallas to lose to Washington. But, earlier in the game, he knocked thru a 47-yarder, which was the longest scoring play between the Bullets and Mildcats, giving the Bullets the OT, “W.” As for the BioCats, they cried foul, but they would have won, had their kicker (PK-Tucker/BAL) not missed his First Ever extra point, causing the Ravens to lose, and the Wildcats.

PowerSleds OverPower the DixieMafia:

The Dixie Mafia may be hot stuff along the Reck Neck Riviera and the Gulf Coast, but that stuff don’t fly in Fairfield. You know what flies in Fairfield? What flies in Fairfield is the ominous PowerSled of metal rock of Edgar Winter, MegaDeath, Johnny Winter, and Skull. So, with Mad Jack cranking Dog’s old stereo up to “22,” and windows vibrating, the Gulf Coast Gamblers had little to no chance of notching a win on Sunday afternoon. Kenny B.’s Bunch is now 2-5 on the season, and their point total is just above one other team in the BDFL – and that’s a bunch of girls.

Bishop Beats up on Girls, Dominates the ‘Nauts in Blount County:

Speaking of girls, the Jugtown Juggernauts continue their free fall in 2018. A.E.’s pitiful excuse for the Bangles, Go-Go’s, and/or Runaways (all girl rock bands), can’t carry a tune in a water bucket this season. In fact, the ‘Nauts are the only team in the league yet to hit 100-total points, and after losing to the Mt. High Blue Deacons in Week 7, Allyson finds her team at 1-6 and on the brink of being eliminated from the Big Daddy Championship Series – BEFORE mid-season. Meanwhile, the Heavy Duty Bishop Squad (HDBS) appears to be getting the hang of this BDFL-thing, and understanding that just because there’s heat in the kitchen, you don’t always need to get out.

Blitz and Cheetahs Mix and Mingle:

The Druid City Blitz and the Southside Cheetahs began Week Seven with identical records of 5-1, and each team was on top of the standings in their respective divisions. Both coaches (Butch and Jerry Fritz) were keeping a low-key approach and spewing out the type of ‘coach-speak’ that the media (except the Bulletin) really hates, you know, all the typical clichés. However, when the action started on Thursday night and carried over to Sunday (on two continents) and into Monday Night Football, the Sin Wagon turned into a steam-roller. The felines rolled all over the Da Gritz Blitz, leaving nothing behind but broken pieces of jack handles and knives. Fritz’s team is hurting after the loss, but they’re 5-2 with a high point total and they should be okay. On the other hand, the Cheetahs are roaring with a 6-1 mark and looking to all but “lock-up” a playoff spot next weekend in the BDFL.

Mayors & Dogs Fight like Cats & Dogs:

The Brookside Dogs and the Magic City Mayors fought like cats and dogs on Sunday. On Monday Night, they sat back and licked their wounds and begged for more points. No points were scored by either team on Monday Night, so the 17-16 score from the weekend held up, and the Brookside Dogs claimed a hard-fought, one-point win, over the Cronies in a back-and-forth game. The win was huge for Mark’s Mutts, who are desperately trying to escape the vile, evil, clutches of the Null Set Club and trying to bring respectability back to the banks of the Five Mile Creek (along with the canoes and kayaks).

Woosiers and Sloth Monsters Brawl in Football:

The Smoke Rise Woosers held a precarious 1-point lead over the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters as Sunday turned into Monday in the BDFL. Luckily for the Woo Crew, when the smoke cleared after MNF, the Smoke Rise Woosiers actually increased their lead and defeated Mukes & Company, 28-21, in a closely contested contest. The vict’ry lifts the Woosiers to 4-3 on the season, while dropping the Three Toed Tree Dwellers to 3-4.

WEEK SEVEN in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr. BDFL, Matthew Hand’s Selma Southpaws continue to show the way and lead the standings after Seven Weeks of play amongst the teenagers. This past weekend, the Southpaws did not let up, rolling to a big vict’ry over the Birmingham Barn Burners, 43-18. However, the “high point man” in Week 7 turned out to be Matthew’s younger brother, Milton, who saw his seasonal hopes for the post-season get a big boost from a 59-point performance and a 59-29 A.W. over the Vestavia Lakes Hooks & Lures. Listed below are the scores for Week 7 in the BDFL and the updated standings (remember: the top four teams get a ‘bye’ in Round One of the playoffs, and the bottom two teams – 13th & 14th place – are eliminated from any post-season activities, participation ribbons, set-ups, and “atta-boys.”)

Jr. BDFL Week 7 Scores: