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The Bulletin
This is the BDFL's version of Highlights magazine's "Seek and Find". See if you can name 10 items above

 From underneath a rock in Media Void

Living under a rock - To be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events.

 

Media Void - A fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information. Where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics.

 

Week 5 2018: "I am not a crook"...

 

Shades Creek Shakes with Sloths Slaughter:

Michael Hewitt Dismukes has been exonerated. All the false accusations about nails, and light bulbs, and aluminum cans, and watermelons have been laid to rest. It took until 2018, for evidence to surface regarding claims made by certain “legal entities” on incidents that allegedly occurred more than 30-years ago. All of the revelations from so-called eye-witnesses came out following an epic A.W. on the mud-spangled banks of Shades Creek on Sunday afternoon following a 47-19 rout by Mukes’ Sloth Monsters over the Altadena Dorians. It’s being called the Shades Creek Slaughter. The up-start Dorians waltzed into the game in Week Five feeling good about their expansion franchise, and they crawled outta the creek with absolutely no dignity following the complete and total domination by the Three Toed Tree Dwellers.

 

Commissioner Falls to 0-5 with Loss to Bullets:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers decided to “make wholesale changes, and make two trades totaling five new players,” before Week Five action in the BDFL. The Commissioner thought this would help spur his team to vict’ry after a woeful 0-4 start. The Grenadiers did play a little better – wearing name tags to identify themselves to their new teammates – but the experiment failed when they reached Benton, Ala. (pop. 51). The Benton Bullets turned away the Commish and his newbies 25-22 in a relatively close game between blood relatives. So, what’s next for old Iron Hand? Nobody really knows, his team just probably needs to match-up against some easier competition. Meanwhile, after their own 0-2 start, the Benton Bullets have now won three straight, and were spotted by onlookers crossing the Alabama River, whistling zippity-do-da all the live long day – or at least – all Sunday afternoon.

 

Nauts Also Remain Winless After Blowout Loss to the Blitz:

The Jugtown Juggernauts plummeted to 0-5 on the 2018 season with a 36-8 A.W. at the behest of the Druid City Blitz in Week Five. The ‘Nauts are “naut” very good this season, and it is beginning to show. Kind of just the opposite of Allyson’s beloved Crimson Tide, her team seems to be out of every game by late in the 2nd Quarter. It’s getting pretty bad for A.E., but at least she’s got her comfy, shady, mezzanine, season ticket seats at the Bama games for the foreseeable future. As for da Blitz, Jerry Fritz is starting to puff out his chest and believe that his team actually might have a chance this season of escaping the Null Set Club.

 

Freebirds Rock to First Win of 2018 with A.W. over Sleds:

Jammin’ Jaimie Hand avoided an 0-5 start with a huge vict’ry over the Fairfield PowerSleds, 46-23. Old Kawliga (we can’t call him a Van Zant yet), has a pretty decent team this season, and they’ve been able to score some points, they just hadn’t been able to notch a “W” until Week Five, when they just happened to notch an “A.W.” The Freebirds jumped on the Fairfield PowerSleds like David Lee Roth jumping into a mosh pit of Van Halen fans. The Mean Machine had no answer to the “old time rock and roll,” the Freebirds were hitting them with on Sunday afternoon, and after a couple of tunes old Mad Jack just put his fingers in his years, and waited for the music to end.

 

Armadillos Put A.W. on Blue Deacons, 46-15:

Anthony and his Heavy Duty Bishop Squad (HDBS) was notified first thing Tuesday morning by U.S. certified mail that they had officially been given an “A.W.” by the Duncanville Armadillos. Bishop and his high hat wearing Mt. High Blue Deacons were devastated. He knew he’d been to Texas. He knew he’d seen a football game. Heck, he even stopped on the way home and helped some stranded motorist. What he was drawing a complete blank on was that his rag-tag BDFL team had been destroyed and embarrassed by the “little ol’ team from Texas,” known as the Duncanville Armadillos. K.P. & Company were “walking on air,” after the win, flying high and feeling mean, feeling almost 5’8”.

 

Woosiers Bounce Back by Beating the Gamblers:

After a devastating loss in Week 4, the Woo Crew returned to the drawing board prior to Week Five action. The “skull sessions” with Ed Bruce’s old chalkboard and projector paid immediate dividends for the Smoke Riders in the Sky. The Woo Crew rebounded with a dominating 27-9 win over the Gulf Coast Gamblers. Rumor has it that the Blount County yellow school bus that carried the Woosiers from the Gulf Coast back to Smoke Rise stopped at every Starbucks on the way home to celebrate the vict’ry that was NOT an A.W., but that “felt” like an A.W.

 

Cheetahs Shoot Down Mayors 27-24:

The Southside Cheetahs and the Magic City Mayors staged a shootout “O.K. Corral” style this past weekend in Birmingham. “I’m your huckleberry,” said Butch to Alan just before firing the final shot. The Bulletin believes that the Cheetahs were the “Earp Brothers,” (Wyatt Earp and his brothers Morgan and Virgil), while the Mayors were stuck with the historical losers known as the Clanton’s. Butch earned the vict’ry and A.A. earned another “Bonehead of the Week,” award. The Cronies started the wrong defense, costing them 6-points, which would have turned a 3-point defeat into a 3-point win.

 

Cats 27 - Dogs 25:

In the grand finale to Week Five in the BDFL, the Western Hills Wildcats and the Brookside Dogs staged a back-and-fourth, no holds barred, 15-round, Rocky Balboa vs. Clubber Lang / Apollo Creed, heavyweight bout for the ages. “I pity the fool,” said Jerry. Dog countered with “pain.” And, the two teams traded punches lasting from Thursday Night until Monday Night Football. When the final bell rang, and the rink was covered with boxers, managers, cut men, media moguls, entourage for both fighters, and groupies… the announcement came of a split decision… by the winner… and still champion… Western Hills Wildcats.

 

WEEK 5 in the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

Meanwhile, over in the JrBDFL, the Benton Butterflies remain the only “undefeated” team in a league where the win-loss records mean absolutely nothing, except for a potential tie-breaker at the end of the season. However, there is pride involved and bragging rights, and other stuff to give the JrBDFL some week-in and week-out drama. Where it counts most – Overall Points – there is a new leader. The Preserve Onion Turtles have surged to the top. They now lead the Selma Southpaws by 5-points for the top position after 5-weeks. Below are the Week Five scores and the updated standings.

 

WEEK FIVE SCORES:

Bishop Squad

58

Barn Burners

30

Dodo Birds

36

Netters

33

Labs

42

Woofers

15

Hooks & Lures

24

Onion Turtles

56

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Butterflies

37

Triple Threats

41

Southpaws

43

 

 

Walkers

31

Grizzly Burrs

35

Renegades

35

 

 

 

WEEK FIVE STANDINGS:

 

Total

W

L

1

Preserve Onion Turtles

258

4

1

2

Selma Southpaws

253

4

1

3

Benton Butterflies

226

5

0

4

Hoover Triple Threats

223

4

1

 5

Winston County Walkers

223

3

2

6

Canton Bulldog Woofers

218

3

2

7

Fieldstown Dodo Birds

204

4

1

8

Hayden District Bishop Squad

199

2

3

9

Lowndes County Labs

178

1

4

10

Fultondale Renegades

165

0

5

11

Birmingham Barn Burners

152

2

3

12

Rebel City Netters

147

1

4

13

Shades Mountain Grizzly Burrs

138

2

3

14

Vestavia Lakes Hooks & Lures

122

0

5

 

 
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