The Bulletin

Week 4: Four Score and Seven Years Ago:

The Bulletin is your source for weekly game summaries:

Here’s The Bulletin for Week Four 2026: Volume 32, Number 4.

Four Score and Seven Years Ago:

Four scores in the Big Daddy Football League can still get you beat. Four scores in the BDFL can also get you a win. Like Einstein’s theory of relativity, it just defends on mass, energy, and time (which is not a constant – as previously thought – and can change or bend). The Bulletin will illustrate in this edition with the summaries of all of the games from Week Four in the BDFL, most of which went four quarters, and all of which featured one team beating another.  

Mayors Stay Undefeated by Beating Blitz:

Four teams began Week Four in the Big Daddy Football League with undefeated records. All of this “quartet of teams,” were attempting to advance to 4-0 on the season, and declare an excellent start to the year to their fans, sponsors, and ownership groups. In the Magic City, it wasn’t always easy or pretty, but the Mayors improved to 4-0 on the season with a vict’ry over the Druid City Blitz, 30-23. The Cronies couldn’t celebrate for long as this year they have to not only begin preparing for the Magic City Classic, but it’s also an “election year,” and it takes a significant amount of time to ensure fair and just polling areas and getting “all the right people,” to accurately count the votes afterwards.  

Cheetahs Claw to 4-0 by Beating the Vulcans:

The Vulcan statue may be atop Red Mountain, but to get up the hill… you gotta start in Southside, and guess who runs Five Points South and all the surrounding areas like the Corleone’s on Long Island. Yep, it’s Butch Neal and his Cheetahs, who have a complete and total stranglehold on that side of town. The young, but naïve Nawf Birmingham Vulcans found that out the hard way in Week Four of action in the BDFL. Nic Hand’s red-white-and-blue team was turned black-and-blue after being scratched and clawed for four quarters by the Southside Cheetahs. The Sin Wagon took a little joy ride after their 36-8, A.W. vict’ry following the conclusion of Monday Night Football with banners already blowing in the breeze, reading: “Cheetahs 4-0, way to go!”  

Denied 4-0 Start, Commish Beaten by Wildcats:

Four teams started Week Four undefeated, but four teams couldn’t get to the end of the week unblemished. It just happened to be the Commissioner who couldn’t close the deal on Sunday. The weekend started out so well for Iron Hand and his entourage. The Commish was able to come up with some freebies to the Alabama vs. Mississippi State game in Starkvegas. The Hand’s descended on the sleepy, little, over-drovin’ town, (see top photo) and left a crimson wake as the Tide rolled to yet another A.W. at Davis Wade Stadium. Bama demolished Mississippi State, 56-23. It wasn’t an A.W. for the Western Hills Wildcats in Week Four, but the 5-wide-out set deployed by the “James Gang,” was too much for the Commissioner’s Mineral Springs Grenadiers to handle in the BDFL. So, the Grenadiers were denied a 4-0 start, losing a close one, 22-20, but the Tide did get off to a 5-0 start with UGa and College Gameday coming to T-Town for the next weekend of action in college football.  

Freebirds Fly Low and Lose the Armadillos:

The Black Crick Freebirds had little in their way to move to 4-0 on the season. All they had to do was beat the Duncanville Armadillos. But, the upset bug is for real and it gave “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand and old-fashioned case of the trots. In Week Four of BDFL action, it didn’t even take a full four quarters for the ‘Dillos to dump their former roommates… 35-21… in a game that was never really, and truly, that close. K.P. and Company were getting tired of coming up short on most Sunday’s in the BDFL, and decided to do something about it. The ‘Dillos now would like to reach the heights of some of the “other” famous people coming out of Duncanville, Texas, faster and stronger than Interstate 20 East, namely the Crimson Tide’s starting QB. But, for now, K.P. is looking for more ways to climb up in the standings in the BDFL. Meanwhile, the not-so-Fabulous Freebirds are no longer flying high and feeling mean. They are no longer undefeated. Hime Hand is questioning his whole operation (even though they are 3-1 in the standings), and hoping to return to “playing to a standard,” for four quarters.  

Bandits Bewildered, Beaten by Bullets:

The Benton Bullets slogged out of the gate in the 2026 BDFL season with a 1-2 record, and looked to be sure losers in Week 4. The Bullerino’s team scored no points on Thursday night. In the Sunday NFL noon games (1pm EDT window), the Bullets tallied exactly zero points. As the 3pm games progressed it was a near hopeless situation for the Bullets, as their west coast quarterback finally three a TD pass to give the Bullets 3-points in Week 4. On the other sideline, the Altadena Bandits were rocking-n-rolling. Old Barry’s team was getting points from up-and-down the roster, pushing over two dozen and then up to 30-points. It was over. Not only that, but at approximately 30 to 3 it was going to be an A.W. Then came Sunday Night Football, and don’t count out the good karma of the Atlanta Braves winning a “bullpen game,” or a “Johnny Fullstaff” game in the MLB playoffs against the Dodgers in LA. The Benton Bullets unleashed their tailback (Chuba Hubbard) for a couple of TD’s (12-pts), and then their kicker (Bates Manor) who boomed four FG’s – including one over 50 – and one PAT (16-pts), and the next thing you know the proverbial tables had turned and the Bullets had an improbable comeback from 27-points down to pull out the epic come-from-behind win, 31-30. “We played for four quarters,” said Bullet, “we never quit… actually we kinda did quit… and started watching baseball, but we started getting some NFL SNF score updates, and it started to snowball… and, we picked up new hope and pulled it out sideways.”  

Sleds Beat Dogs and Make It Look Easy:

The Bulletin has addressed the teams that moved to 4-0 after four weeks of play in the BDFL. Now, the Bulletin will highlight the teams that dropped to an ignominious 0-4 start for the 2026 fantasy football season. “Mark’s Mutts,” the defending BDFL champions, the pride of Brookside, are still winless this year. The former Super Banker turned Rubber Tycoon has nothing in the safe* after the opening month of action in the BDFL. The Brookside Dogs took it on the chin… er, snout this past weekend. The Fairfield PowerSleds whooped up on the Dogs on the banks of the Five Mile Creek, and the “Mean Machine” made it look easy. Now, the Dogs must literally lick their wounds and try an rebound to save the season. *Note: Don’t worry about Mr. Mark Burr. His safe may be empty, but he has a lot buried in the back of his Preserve Place, along with T-Bills, stocks, property in Brookside, and a factory in Talladega to keep him from getting too “down in the dumps.”  

Naut Much Going Right for Bellcows, Beaten by ‘Nauts:

“Not today,” said Allyson Edwards, as she halted the planned Fultondale invasion into Gardendale on Sunday. The Jugtown Juggernauts stood strong on the southern border of Gardendale and refused to let anyone enter who even looked like they were from Fultondale. Now, the Fieldstown Bellcows are technically IN the city limits of Gardendale. But, A.E. was ‘Naut going to fall for any trickery in Week Four in the BDFL. So, the Bell Heads were turned away… denied entry into Gardendale… and denied their first vict’ry of the season in fantasy football. The loss drops the Bellcows to 0-4 on the season, and with their depleted roster, it looks like it could be a long, long, long season for “Super Dave,” and his beleaguered heifers.  

Sloths Shine and Beat Gamblers:

The scoreboard at the home field of the Sloth Monsters glowed an eerie, slime-lime green, following the BDFL contest between Mukes and Kenny “the Real Deal” Breal. That was good news for the home team and bad news for the visiting Gulf Coast Gamblers. The Sloths took care of business in Week Four. The Three Toed Tree Dwellers slinked out to an early lead and were able to hold on – even without opposable thumbs – to a clutch vict’ry in the BDFL. All wins in the NFL and BDFL are big, because the “W’s” add up as the season goes, and the teams with the most wins make it to the playoffs, where they can chase the championship, and try to get their hands (or claws) on the most coveted prize in all of fantasy football, the illustrious Grand Daddy Trophy. “This is no B.S.,” said Mukes. “We’re going for it. When we see the sign that says, “playoffs,” we’re going to whip that SOB in there.”  

“It’s all about the kids” - Week Four in the JrBDFL:

Two of the Junior Leaguers (see photo above) made the trip to Starkville and looked pretty happy. But, one lost to  their sister in Week Four action in the JrBDFL, and you’ll have to ask them “who lost to the Benton Butterflies?” The Bulletin staff knows, but isn’t telling, at least not in this online publication, in this particular edition.