The Bulletin

Week 5: Island of Misfit Toys Bowl & more

The Bulletin is your source for weekly game summaries:

Here’s The Bulletin for Week Five 2026: Volume 32, Number 5.

High Five!  Mayors Remain Undefeated, Pummel PowerSleds:

The Magic City Mayors brought their undefeated team into Week Five action in the BDFL with all of the confidence in the world. The Cronies were feeling good about their terrific start and all of the positive publicity it had built – especially in an election year. In 2026, the Mayors have played with focus, determination, guile, strength, and cunning that hasn’t been on display in years. The Fairfield PowerSleds would bring into this cyber gridiron battle at the Old Gray Lady a quiet confidence. The venerable Legion Field Stadium was filled to capacity for this match-up, and it started out pretty even, at 0-0, but the Sleds could not score after the opening kickoff. The Mayors made all the plays, and the “Mean Machine” laid an egg, earning “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award… as the Mayors dominated the Sleds 46-7 for an epic, A.W.  

Low Five… Cheetahs No Longer Undefeated as they Cave to the Commish:

Two teams began Week Five of the 2026 Big Daddy Football League season with perfect, 4-0 records. So, the quest to get to 5-0 for the Cheetahs and the Mayors was the most visible aspect of this past weekend in the nation’s premiere fantasy football league. The games featuring these last two undefeated teams could not have been any more different  than a “points only” league vs. the digital, and fraction-scoring of these “other” yahoo leagues. “It’s all the same,” said one media expert, “It’s just different.” The Southside Cheetahs could not hold up their end of the bargain, as the Sin Wagon was rolled in a shootout, 49-35. The Cheetahs could not handle the limelight in Week Five. The Mineral Springs Grenadiers put forth a solid effort, stayed within the game plan, executed at a high level, and emerged with a big vict’ry over the Cheetahs. For the Commissioner, it was a sweet vict’ry that he hopes will boost his team’s morale and momentum into the middle of the season… and beyond.  

Take Five - Smoke ’em if you got ‘em - Bellcows Get First “W”:

The Bulletin featured the upper echelon of the BDFL at the top of this edition, but what about the other side of the coin? What about the two teams that entered Week Four with 0-4 records: the Fieldstown Bellcows and the Brookside Dogs? What about them? They try hard, they submit their starters every week, just like everybody else. They love their mommas and pay their taxes. They’re not listening to Mick Jagger music and bad-mouthing their country, or the BDFL. They matter too. Well, here’s the Week Four story on the “previously” winless teams. The Bellcows caught the Benton Bullets at just the right time (between UGa & Tennessee), and the Bullets just didn’t perform well. “Super Dave” got the win to improve to 1-4 on the season, while the Bullets fell to 2-3, but can now focus all their efforts on the old, proverbial “Third Saturday of October.” Belrose and Bullet are graduates from the Gardendale High School Class of 1981. “We never lost a party,” said Belrose. However, the class – while having its share of brainiacs – and party animals, was not strong in most social or athletic categories… picking up the nickname the “Misfits of ’81.” Borrowing from the “clay-mation” Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Christmas Special (from the 1970s), this was the “Island of Misfit Toys Bowl,” with Belrose taking home the broken toy trophy for the vict’ry.  

Five Mile Creek Crying – Dogs Can’t Get Off the Schneid:

The Brookside Dogs still can’t get into the win column for 2026. “Mark’s Mutts” won it all in 2025, but this season has started out as a nightmare in Brookside. That would be a pretty decent name for a horror movie, if it wasn’t so cliché: Nightmare in Brookside. However, The Bulletin has illustrated in the past that sometimes good things happen on the banks of the Five Mile Creek. In Week Five of this BDFL season, the Dogs played awful, so the only good fortune on the old, venerable water way was in favor of the Jugtown Juggernauts, who like to kayak up and down the stream in the spring. The final score read: Nauts 43 – Dogs 26. So, A.E. left the stadium grinning like a mule eating saw briers, and the Dogs sulked away with their tail between their legs.

Five Points West Celebrates Wildcat’s Win:

The Western Hills Wildcats ventured a little farther west than their home digs on the west side of Birmingham. The “James Gang” dodged flood waters, tropical storms, and hurricanes to get to T-Town this past weekend to face off against the Druid City Blitz at Kentuck Park in T-Town. At the outset of this contest, it looked like neither team wanted to win. The Gritz Blitz couldn’t get anything going in the first half, and the Wildcats didn’t seem interested in anything other than a big scratching post on the banks of the Black Warrior River. Yeah, it was that bad. In the second half, both teams woke up a little bit and suddenly there was a game afoot in the BDFL, and the Wildcats emerged from the fray with a vict’ry, and took their celebration back up the road to Five Points West for corndogs, funnel cakes, and stuffed animals in advance of fair season at Fair Park.  

Armadillos Pull Five Aces Against Gamblers:

Utilizing a wildcard, the Duncanville Armadillos pulled out five aces in Week Five to complete a BDFL triumph over the stunned Gulf Coast Gamblers. K.P. & Company showed everyone that “the house always wins,” slogan is not always true. On the Redneck Riveria, the ‘Dillos illustrated poise and high level performance in knocking off the Dixie Mafia, 23-19, in a game that was extremely close from start to finish. The loss was a tough one to stomach for the Gamblers, who have not looked good in the early stages of the 2026 season in the BDFL. Meanwhile, as for the Dillos, they believe they have not only reached the corner, but have turned the corner toward having a healthy and productive season in fantasy football.  

Gimme Five and Gimme Three Steps Sings Freebirds:

In the BDFL’s only father-and-son match-up, it was the father, Jaimie, notching a vict’ry over son, Nic, in a game that was not as close the final score would indicate. The Black Crick Freebirds had little trouble with the Nawf Birmingham Vulcans. I smell T R O U B L E, said Jammin’ Jaimie Hand, in a jovial mood after the game. Then, Hime got a little emotional humming out some “Cats & the Cradle,” jargon after seeing how hard his oldest son, and only second-generation player in the BDFL was handling the defeat. But, Nic was fine. He knows his team is bad this year. Then the father and son combination made their way to Home Field Package Store, and barely escaped a Bucket/Tommy Kinney episode with Nazareth’s “Hair of the Dog,” blaring from the jukebox. “Heartbreaker, soul shaker. I've been told about you. Steamroller, midnight stroller. What they've been saying must be true,” and of course the song continues with the chorus, now you’re messing with… a sob. Jaimie and Nic’s escape also had them singing the Skynyrd song, “Gimme Three Steps,” in relation to a quick getaway.  

Five Finger Discount Suits Bandits:

In Week Five of BDFL action, the Altadena Bandits pulled a “five finger discount,” on their way to stealing a win from the Sloth Monsters. The Sloths are always entertaining. Mukes' team is out-spoken and does not shy away from confrontation. Sometimes it rubs people the wrong way, but it almost always serves the greater good, especially for the loyal followers of the Sloth Monsters. So, if occasionally the Son of Slim takes something that doesn’t belong to him, it’s usually okay. But, not with Old Barry in his way. This past weekend, the Bandits took a vict’ry from the Sloths, who found their Black TransAm with the T-Tops and the eagle on the hood, running at full speed. However, Old Barry wasn’t worried about that, or beating Mukes. He was worried about getting to Mike’s on time, jumping into the White Grenada with the Yellow Canoe tied on top, and helping some folks escape from the Home Field Package Store (and boy, were Jaimie & Nic happy to see Mukes and Barry with the get-away-car just in time). “It was all okay,” said Belrose. “It was just some Headley’s, Hurst’s, and a Horton… Jaimie “Legend” would have been fine. When I left, Bucket was straightening everything out.”  

Week Five in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids”

The Bulletin didn’t get any reports from the stringers for the Junior League this week. Well, that’s not entirely true. The reports coming in from un-named sources says that Matthew and Meredith Hand’s teams got killed in Week Five. Meanwhile, Milton (Lowndes County Labs) won with a JrBDFL version of an A.W., with a 177-88 vict’ry. This isn't football, but just mere fantasy.  

Disclaimer: Any re-broadcast, re-transmission… or pictures, descriptions, or accounts of this event, without the express, written consent of The Commissioner of the BDFL (Iron Hand) is strictly prohibited.