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ON TIME & ACCURATE (or worth the wait)
Season Ending Edition
Smoke Rise Woosiers Climb BDFL Mountain:
After the “smoke cleared,” the Smoke Rise Woosiers found themselves
on top of the BDFL. Tommy T.’s Woo Crew won the Big Daddy Bowl and
the BDFL Championship and the coveted Grand Daddy Trophy, with a
“hard-fought” and dramatic 37-27 vict’ry over the Fairfield
Powersleds. The Woosiers – from the Rugged Red Neck Division – were
battled tested all year, and then survived a first-round scare in
the BDCS, before rolling in the 2nd Round, and ascending
to the summit of the BDFL in the Big Daddy Bowl. It is the second
championship for the Woosiers (they also won it all back in 2004).
The “bitching and moaning” Fairfield PowerSleds put up a strong
fight before being over-powered by the Woo Crew. The
“self-proclaimed” Jack Slovensky skillfully used his First Amendment
Rights to voice his displeasure with the “new” Progressive Priority
Draft and the Commissioner, while at the same time using that as a
“smoke-screen” to advance his troops to the near-pinnacle of another
championship. Yet, in the “final analysis” his Mean Machine fell
10-points short to the Woosiers. It was indeed a sweet vict’ry for
Tommy T. – keeper of WARTS – and the fallout from the Championship
lit up the Internet, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Email,
G-mail, the BDFL website, and old timey electric football. Said Woo,
“As always, when the final scoring is finished... Congratulations
to the Smoke Rise Woosiers - 2014 BDFL Champions! Oh wait...that's
me...Thank You, Thank You.” And as the online celebration
continued and dreams of hoisting the Grand Daddy came into focus for
Woo (the trophy didn’t exist the last time he won the title), “With
WARTS living in numbers,” he said, “I couldn't help but notice that
the Woosiers are "The Only Team in BDFL History" to win a title with
a "4" in the year. Grab 'em while you can because WARTS predicts a
10-year dynasty run for the Woosiers in the 2040's!” All Hail!
The Woosiers!
Bullets Surge to Second Fiddle Win:
In the Second Fiddle Bowl, for Third Place, the Benton Bullets also
won by 10-points, running past the Western Hills Wildcats, 30-20.
Anyone paying close attention to the BDFL (and we know you are),
would notice that the Bullets certainly got the most out of the
least this season in the BDFL, especially on Sundays, by winning a
good number of their games (10-7 record) with a relatively low
number of points (411 - tied for 12th). Of course, you
could say the same thing about the James Gang which finished 4th
with even less points (409).
Blitz Closes Strong:
In a very up-and-down season for the “elevator workers,” also known
as the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters, Old Mukes, dropped his last game
of the year to the Druid City Blitz by 8-points. Jerry Fritz’s team
also had somewhat of a roller-coaster season. However, they were
able to close strong, giving them some momentum going into the Super
Bowl Gala (where the Bulletin hopes they will host again) and into
the off-season, the Pony Draft, and the obligatory pre-season work
in advance of the 2015 Progressive Priority Draft.
Dogs Edged by Cats, Cheetahs – that is:
Well, Mr. Mark Burr may have had a “banner year” at Synaflex Rubber
and the subsidiary of Van Delay Industries, and may have actually
skied down a slope on vacation at an undisclosed resort entitled the
“Cheetah.” However, where “the rubber meets the road” in the BDFL,
his Brookside Dogs fell one-point short (“Short!? Who said that!”)
in Week 17 vs. the Riverchase Cheetahs, 34-33. So, Dog’s losing
streak officially hits 20-years for those of you scoring at home
(and we know you are). As for Butch Neal’s Sin Wagon, the end of the
season was bittersweet. Yeah, he got a season-ending vict’ry, but
when you scan the Total Points category in WARTS and see that the
Cheetahs had the “Most Overall Points,” a win in a loser’s bracket
game just rings a little hollow. Time for a Table Dance.
Meanwhile, in the Mullet:
Surprise! Rookie Anthony Bishop lulled good buddy Jaimie Hand to
sleep with pitchers and pizza on Sunday afternoon at Pasquale’s, and
then proceeded to beat Kawliga’s Black Creek Wooden Warriors to
capture the Big Mullet Series and the first pick in the Spring’s
Pony Draft (IF he’s allowed to remain in the league). “Where’s my
trophy, where’s my trophy?!” exclaimed an excited Anthony. Of
course, The Bulletin hates to be the bearer of bad news… because
they told Bishop he would find out his prize in this publication, so
he’s just now hearing, or reading this… but, there is No Trophy for
9th place. Meanwhile, Bishop is available to set up your
tents and ice your beer for any birthday parties, cotillions,
anniversaries, weddings, or bar mitzvah’s this off season, for free.
(See following for recommendations) Anthony has successfully driven
his truck, iced down deer, provided tailgating food, and/or set up
tents for the Hand Brothers at the following events: Tebow Crying
Game – 2009 SEC Championship Game, Atlanta games vs. Virginia Tech
times two.
Other Mullets:
In other Mullet action: The Mayors nipped the Gambers 15-14, The
Commissioner got a little payback for providing K.P. another fall of
“free rent,” by running over the Armadillos, 30-25. And, in the
Toilet Bowl, the Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks saved what tiny,
almost miniscule amount of dignity they had left by defeating the
Pasco County Wizards 32-20 to close out a very, bad, terrible,
miserable, horrible, very bad, pitiful season for Parks.
Who Gets to Hoist THE GRAND DADDY?
Tommy Todd, the Master of WARTS and the Owner and General Manager
and of the Smoke Rise Woosiers will be presented Fantasy Football’s
top award, The Grand Daddy, on February 1 at the BDFL Super Bowl
Gala by the Commissioner, Iron Hand, or his designated
representative(s).
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