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Another Year: More of the same endless babble (or HDBS)
PowerSleds Beaten Senseless by Cheetahs:
In a re-match of last season’s Big Daddy Bowl, the Riverchase
Cheetahs turned the tables on the Fairfield Power Sleds, as the
Cheetah-Man hammered Mad Jack (Slovensky) Barnes into “complete and
total” submission, 53-26, in Week One action in the BDFL. If you are
keeping score at home (and we know you are), that’s an A.W.; a big
old-fashioned, woodshed-type beating. Jack’s Mean Machine may be the
defending BDFL Champions, and the current holders of The Grand
Daddy, “the Helmet O’ Silver,” - the most precious trophy in all of
Fantasy Football – but that didn’t help him figure out the new
Progressive Priority Draft (PPD).* In fact, the Powersleds may have
had the worst draft since last year, when Bullet’s indecisions left
him with the 16th place team. Meanwhile, the Sin Wagon is “flying
high and feelin’ mean,” after the first week of the season. Butch
Neal’s felines are 1-0, and winner’s of the Big Daddy of the Week
Award, after scoring more points than any other franchise.
*PPD
Revealed:
Those who figured out the new, maybe-not-improved, PPD came out
smelling like a rose following the 2014 Miller Genuine Draft at the
Arrington House in late August. After extensive research by the
BULLETIN staff, drafting a “particular player,” was not near as
important under the new format, as getting the most correct
selections. Because under the clearly stated rules, those that “got
the most correct on their online PPD Form,” would get to Pick First
in the regular draft. The Cheetahs received high selections, and
made ‘em work. So, did the Bullets and the Wooden Warriors. However,
the Commissioner and the Dogs may have “gotten it right,” on the PPD
forms – but lack the General Manager skills – to convert that to
Game Day vict’ries. [See more below]
Bullets Return with a Vengeance and Rout Gamblers:
In a game that was never close, and ultimately not near as close as
the final score would indicate, the Benton Bullets opened the 2014
season with a dominating, 28-18, win over the Gulf Coast Gamblers.
All of the other franchises in the League have been put on notice
that 2013 was a fluke (See: Bullet’s 16th, 109-yard
miracles, :01, tipped passes, etc.). And, things have already turned
back to normal with the Bullerino reasserting himself as a top BDFL
team. The Gamblers and their Dixie Mafia persona, were no match for
the real Dixie, Black Belt Bunch, in Week One, as the Bullets rolled
to an easy win at Rebel Stadium in Hayneville.
Commission Fails Again – Loses to Mayors by Five:
In Mineral Springs, things didn’t go so well for the Grenadiers.
The Commissioner may have taken advantage of his own, new rules to
get some good draft selections, and a lofty spot at the Miller
Genuine Draft table. But, where Old Iron fell short again was the
coaching or General Manager side of the business, in failing to
“start” the correct players. Chris Hand brought home the year’s
first “Bonehead Award of the Week,” by leaving former Alabama
Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram on the sidelines. Ingram had 2-TDs
(12-points) which would have been plenty of points to give the
Grenadiers the win. Alas, they lost… and the beneficiary is –
surprise – the Magic City Mayors.
Dogs Receive A.W. from Druid City Blitz:
So, while Chris was earning the Bonehead award, Mark Burr was
collecting another “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award. Dog’s
18-year-losing streak in the BDFL looks like it could easily
continue in 2014. The Brookside Dogs were outclassed by the Druid
City Blitz in Week One. Jerry Fritz’s flying Grits Blitz put an A.W.
on Mark’s Mutts, 31-9. It is hard for the BULLETIN to exactly figure
out why Dog continues to lose, and lose, and lose… except the
obvious fact that he’s from Brookside. Maybe one year, he’ll wake up
and move his franchise to the other side of the tracks, or at least
the other side of the Five Mile Creek.
Miller Lite Bowl Goes to Mukes:
With all the surrounding chaos of the Miller Genuine Draft, and its
preceding, performance-enhanced Progressive Priority Draft, Mukes
and ASlo almost went un-noticed at the pre-season proceedings. The
Sloth Monsters were able to hold onto a few decent picks (even
without plausible thumbs), and the Fighting Slovaks got “Megatron,”
and a couple of other stellar selections (See: Keenum &
Fitzpatrick). When the Three Toed Tree Dwellers and the Pi Cap
Caravan met in Week One, Mukes was able to get the upper hand in the
Miller Lite Bowl, 28-17.
Wooden Warriors Edge Wizards by Two:
In a match-up that sometimes transcends Time & Space, the Black
Creek Wooden Warriors notched a two-point vict’ry in Week One over
the Pasco County Wizards, 25-23. As expected, Parks quickly came up
with some lame excuse for losing to Bocephus. Namely, that his team
was not drafted by himself, and that the system is flawed, and that
his degree from Lee County Community College (LCCC) doesn’t cover
this kind of “real life” situations. On the other hand, (no pun
intended) Hime Hand will take the win, celebrate for a while under
the 24-hour rule, and then start watching extensive film for his
next opponent, after he goes to Burger King and Big Al’s.
One Fluke in Week One:
Most things seem “back to normal,” in the BDFL with games finally
underway. There is the usual excuse-making by a handful of teams,
and owners, and general managers. And, some teams are bragging about
winning, or in ASlo’s case, “almost” covering the spread. But, there
was one fluke from Week One. The Rookie Mt. High Blue Deacons
actually won a game. Now, they did beat the Western Hills Mildcats.
But, in the BDFL, that still counts as a vict’ry… so the St. Bernard
Bishops are 1-0, and the BioCats are 0-1… that second part isn’t
really a fluke.
“Let me introduce you to…”
Anthony Bishop. AB is the owner of the Mt. High Blue Deacons. He’s
not really from Gardendale, but he acts like it. But, (like Jack) he
did marry a Gardendale girl (Charlotte). Actually Scarlet… and
probably from Mt. Olive, anyway. He didn’t really go to Alabama, but
he likes to act like it… but he did send one of his kids there… and
he is a grand daddy… not that he’s got a chance in hell of winning
The Grand Daddy. Is he the only grandfather in the BDFL? We all know
times are tough in the BDFL, so finding a warm body to replace a
girl (Allyson) for one year, could not have been easy for the
Commissioner. But, like it or not, we have to accept the
Commissioner’s decisions, and Bishop is in. At any rate, if you need
somebody to haul your beer, ice your beer, give you a ride to
Atlanta, or set you up a tent at a tailgating site, he comes
slightly recommended by the Hand’s.
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