Power Sleds vs. Bullets
Playing for his first legitimate BDFL title, the first untainted title
in Hand/Slovensky history, a chance to break the
curse-that-shall-remain-nameless, the Most Favored Son status at the
Knights of Columbus lodge in Brookside, and a hefty point spread will
prove too much for the “Lowndes County Confederacy” to overcome when
they stare down “Smilin’” Jack Barnes and the “Sinjun’ Engines” in the
Big Daddy Bowl.
Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.
Woosiers vs. Jugs
If the
Head Woo had parsed through a similar amount of information when in his
wrestling glory days, he would have rarely won a match, much less string
together a series of state championships. For the “Doo Crew”, the only
thing steaming up in the air is the pile of dung the Woosiers left
behind last week after out thinking themselves and playing mind numbing
odds instead of their best players, which resulted in them leaving stud
running back Brandon Jacobs on the bench, and, unfortunately, the 18
points he scored that would have carried them to victory and the Big
Daddy Bowl. Now Tommy must endure countless jabs by the Wizard until he
redeems himself.
Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.
Wildcats vs. Wizards
A pair
of disappointed teams managed to salvage a little respect last weekend,
but don’t expect it to go very far in salving their wounds from losing
in the first round of the championship bracket. The “James Gang” and
their vaunted running attack failed to materialize in the play offs
leaving them on the short end of a title run…again. Meanwhile, the
“Pasco Pixies” equally as ballyhooed ground game failed to answer the
bell in either round of the playoffs leaving them on the outside looking
in. These two expected to meet in the title game, but will settle for
the “Sister Kissin” Bowl instead.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.
Wooden Warriors vs. Mayors
Jaimie
Hand and the “Fultondale Dung Divers” appeared to be rectifying their
age old reputation for fading late in the season. After a rousing NASCAR
fantasy league title and late season BDFL run that propelled them to the
playoffs, however, the Warriors proved to be much more of the same after
dropping two straight uninspiring performances in the play offs and
firmly entrenching their reps for fading to black. The “Crown Clowns”
were barely worthy of making the play offs and, unfortunately, lived up
to their billing. Expect another helping on Sunday.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Gamblers vs. Bootleggers
It’ll
be “Voo Doo” versus “Boo Boo” when the “Wagin Cajuns” cut the cards in
Canton against the “Backwoods Bumpkins” after a season cuttin’ the
cheese was each teams biggest accomplishment. The Bootleggers may have
left the hills, but the hills ain’t left the Bootleggers as a season of
discontent proved. However, a shot at the BMS title and the
all-you-can-carry mullet award that goes with it is still in the offing
when they face the Gamblers. Neither team is much to look at, but with a
little lipstick the Bootleggers will look a little better at closing
time.
Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.
Dogs vs. Cheetahs
The
end of long, disastrous is finally upon this pair of BDFL cellar
dwellers. Butch Neal and the “Mattress Dancin’ Divas” remind the Great
Wizardo of the two Wall Street barons in Trading Places that
started the movie as Masters of the Universe but ended up as paupers
after finishing dead last in points only a year removed from standing
atop the BDFL Mountain with his 3rd title. A humiliating defeat against
the Dogs will only serve to pour a little salt in an already raw wound.
Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.
Grenades vs. Blitz
The
“Monsters of the Mid State” managed to revive a modicum of respect in
taking down the hopelessly unlucky Sloth Monsters in the lower bracket
of the BMS giving them the right to travel to T-town to relive some
memories at Harry’s Bar, at least the ones he was sober enough to
recall. Greeting him will be Jerry Fritz and the “Tuscaloosa Tusk Toters”,
who are still reeling from sellin’ enough Buicks in the final week of
the regular season to go from championship series shoo-in to BMS
also-ran. Kind of reminds the Great Wizardo of the time he was playing
in an amateur league (the Southern Basketball League or SBL) with Dabo
Johnson at West End High School one evening. Their opponent had a former
UAB Blazer on its roster after just finishing his senior season by
losing to Louisville in a thrilling Elite Eight game at the BJCC causing
former Blazer, and Wizard team mate, Greg Leet, to remark “In two weeks
he went from the final eight in the NCAA tournament to the SBL. That’s a
big step down.”
Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters
A pair
of Greenhorn Division rivals square off in the battle to determine who
rides on the BDFL caboose for 2008 when the “Lake Cyrus Schleprocks”
welcome the “Flatulating Slovaks” in the season finale. The Sloths could
have easily been title contenders were it not for a string of bad luck
that befell any titles hopes they had long ago. Meanwhile, in “The
only thing wrong with Scotland is it’s full Scotts” mode of King
Edward of England in Braveheart, it’s hardly any wonder the Slovaks were
kicked out of Slovakia after watching their wretched performance this
season. Sunday will be one final reminder of their performance and one
more reason (on top of mountain of reasons) for outgoing
President George “Dubya” Bush to not grant them an 11th hour
presidential pardon.
Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.
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