TheBDFL.com                         The official internet site of the Big Daddy Football League                               2011

The Bulletin - Week 6

From underneath a rock in Media Void

A Six-Pack Throwback

“The Bulletin’s Movie Memories – or not”

Wooden Warriors (Taft Rockets) 26 – Mayors (Miami Sharks) 5

“Hey, this graffiti is all wrong.”

In the comedy classic movie, “The Best of Times,” which was under-appreciated in its own time, Kurt Russell and Robin Williams dispute some wall graffiti that gets a past score wrong. Such is the mayhem in this movie. But it is by far not the best part of the movie. The Taft Rockets getting a 15-year-old rematch with Bakersfield is just too much to pass up. And, in the second half – in the mud – when Kurt Russell, aka Reno Hightower, returns to the field looking like Joe Namath with his green-and-white, #12, and a fan yells, “hey, he’s wearing his white shoes.” Classic. The cheers later return to “Reno, Reno!” And, of course, Reno and Robin Williams hook up for the cliché game-winning, last-second, bomb for the touchdown. In the BDFL, Jaimie’s Wooden Warriors played the role of the Taft Rockets and they slaughtered the Mayors – dressed as the fictional Miami Sharks (from “Any Given Sunday” which sucked, and that much can’t usually be said about an Al Pacino movie). But, the Mayors suck this year, too.

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: Any Given Sunday

Five NFL Hall of Fame Players made cameo appearances as opposing head coaches against the Miami Sharks in the movie: Bob St. Clair, Y.A. Tittle, Dick Butkus, Warren Moon, and Johnny Unitas.

Sloth Monsters (ESU Timber Wolves) 33 – Grenadiers (Ampipe Bulldogs) 11

“6-2 Stack Monster, 6-2 Stack Monster!”

This quote is known more for the party scene than the actual defense: In the party scene, the drunken players replay the call in the huddle “6-2, stack monster, 6-2 stack monster!” and then crash into a coffee table, smashing it to pieces. In the game, the defense is devised as a goal line defense to use for the whole game. It works. Except the coach chokes at the end of the game, with the lead, instead of taking a knee, decides to hand-off and fumbles the game away. Afterwards, the coach blames the players. You need to rent it. However, in the BDFL, Chris Hand blew the lead of Tom Cruise and the Ampipe Bulldogs and loses to Mukes’ Sloth Monsters who played in throwback week as the ESU Timberwolves from “The Program.” (The Bulletin never heard of it. Unless it was the one that mimicked Free Shoes University, then we heard of it, but that’s about it.)

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: All the Right Moves

How did the movie actually end? Well, it had to have a happy ending, didn’t it? The Ampipe Head Coach (Craig T. Nelson) accepted a coaching position at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and offers Stefen (Tom Cruise) a full scholarship to play football there. Stef accepts.

PowerSleds (Mean Machine) 34 – Blitz (West Canaan Coyotes) 32

“We Got the Mean Machine!”

The prisoners take control.

Led by an all-star class of former NFL players, and a former Florida State player (Burt Reynolds) the original, “The Longest Yard” doesn’t disappoint. Ironically, the Guards had all of the former real-life NFL players. The prisoners had actors. The prisoners’ team led by Reynolds gets “the longest yard” on the last play of the game, to win the showdown game vs. the guards, and provide the “Hollywood” happy ending. But, in typical criminal fashion, the prisoners “steal the show” before kickoff of the big game by stealing the guards’ new and unused jerseys with the simple print across the front: Mean Machine. The name takes off with chants throughout the prison complex, “We got the Mean Machine, we got the Mean Machine!” Mad Jack Barnes’ Power Sleds adopted the slogan throughout his fantasy career, and in Week Six, the BDFL’s Mean Machine won out against the Druid City Blitz posing as the West Canaan Coyotes from “Varsity Blues.”

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: The Longest Yard

The film won the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture (Musical or Comedy) in 1975.

THROWBACK QUESTION:

Who is the only player to quarterback in an NFL Super Bowl, CFL Grey Cup and NCAA Rose Bowl game? (He was also the last quarterback to throw seven touchdown passes in an NFL game.) Hint: His son now plays College Football. Hint #2: He was in two football movies (even though only one of them is mentioned by the BDFL website). See answer below.

What about Semi-Tough also with Bert Reynolds?

The movie portrays friends Marvin 'Shake' Tiller and Billy Clyde Puckett as two football buddies who play for a team owned by Big Ed Bookman called the “Miami Bucks.” The Commissioner left this one out of “Hollywood Throw Back Week,” and we don’t know why.

Gamblers (South Central Louisiana State Mud Dogs) 44 – Woosiers (Washington Sentinels) 23

“Don’t talk about my momma.”

Who, what, where? The movie, “Waterboy” wasn’t the least bit funny (and The Bulletin is a big fan of Adam Sandler – Sloppy Joe, Sloppy, Sloppy, Joe). Save your money on this one. In fact, don’t even stop there for a little while when channel-surfing with the remote. Just keep going past this one. It isn’t worth the effort. I can’t believe I sat through the whole thing once. Kathy Bates – awful and Henry “The Fonz” Winkler – worse; this movie is bad, really bad. The Gamblers playing the role of the SCLS Mud Dogs did beat the Woosiers, who got all dressed up as Keanu Reeves in “The Replacements” (which The Bulletin staff did not see), and still lost to add to their early-season woes in Hayden.

Slovaks (California Atoms) 35 – Wizards (Orlando Breakers) 19

“Oy-itch”

When they said, “Oy-itch,” the field goal kicking mule, Gus, would kick the ball, and it always when through the goal post, even from 99-yards away in the movie “Gus.” That scoring fluke – and a pretty good California Atoms defense – propelled them into the playoffs in this 1970’s Disney movie with sad special effects. However, this one is worth seeing, just for Dick Enberg doing some play-by-play and the old Hogan’s Heroes dude doing some too, with color commentator Johnny U (and we don’t mean the exchange-student from Korea). GUS: Somebody gave the Hand’s of Benton the “Gus” DVD, and it’s a “cult classic” type of funny and boring and predictable all at once. The kids love the scene of Tom Bosley (Happy Days) and Tim Conway tearing up a grocery store trying to capture Gus. That’s Gus, the field goal kicking mule, just to be sure. Well, Adam had to take on an alternate personality (and team) as the California Atoms to win a game, beating Parks and his Minnesota State Screaming Eagles/Orlando Breakers from the TV series, “Coach.”

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: Coach (The TV Series)

Jerry Van Dyke actually turned down the role of Gilligan for Gilligan’s Island. Big Mistake, Huge. However, in 1989 Van Dyke portrayed Luther Van Dam, a beloved, yet befuddled assistant coach on the long-running series Coach (1989–1997). He received four consecutive Emmy nominations (1990 through 1993) for "Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series."

Dogs (Duluth Bulldogs) 26 – Cheetahs (Dillon Panthers) 19

“We didn’t block a soul.”

The Bulletin has no frame of reference for this one. “Never saw ‘Leathernecks’ or ‘Friday Night Lights’ so – for once – we got nothing to say,” said Bullet in an off-camera out-take for ESPN’s “Outside the Lines.” So, we’re just going to stick to the facts – for once – with the simple game story. The Dogs playing in Throw Back Week as George Clooney and the Duluth Bulldogs (Leathernecks) beat the Cheetahs, who were adorned in the uniforms of the Dillon Panthers (Friday Night Lights). The Bulletin took the liberty of taking a quote from legendary Gardendale Coach Ed Bruce at the top of this game synopsis.

Bullets (North Dallas Bulls) 14 – Juggernauts 15 (Central Wildcats)

“Da, da, daaaa.”

All I can remember from the movie “North Dallas Forty” is wide receiver Nick Nolte dropping a pass (from Mac Davis) and hearing the ominous sound effect of “da, da, daaaa,” as he stops and stares at his hands, as if they’ve let him down in his old age. I’m pretty sure it had some naked people in it to keep our attention, and a coach that tried to mimic Tom Landry. The dude that played Landry was the same dude that played the coach in the basketball movie “One on One,” with Robbie Benson and Annette O’Toole. Now, in the movie “Wildcats,” Goldie Hawn (the mother of Kate Hudson, for you younger folks) gets to coach a high school football team. The flick is bad, but not that bad. I mean you can watch it with a six pack, just to jank on Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes (before “White Men Can’t Jump,” another basketball movie – but one that I never saw). In typical Hollywood cliché-fashion, the female, first-time coach rallies the thugs on her team to vict’ry over the local powerhouse with prejudice tendencies. We forgot who won the BDFL game. (Actually, Allyson needed six points from her place kicker on Monday Night Football to win, and she got six to “put another notch in her lipstick case,” and beat the Bullets, 15-14.

THROWBACK ANSWER:

Joe Kapp. He quarterbacked in the Rose Bowl for Cal (where he was later the Head Coach – including during the famous “The Play” game vs. Stanford). He led the British Columbia Lions to the Canadian Football League Championship (Grey Cup). He guided the Minnesota Vikings to the NFL Championship (when it was still technically the NFL and the AFL – separate leagues), but lost Super Bowl IV to the Kansas City Chiefs. His son plays for Cal, and Joe Kapp was in the movies The Longest Yard and Semi-Tough (which is not mentioned by the BDFL website – only the Bulletin).

Where are they now?

Glenn “Birdman” Farmer – Alive and well in the “Preferred Community,” that’s Prattville. He’s retired from the Montgomery Police force and is married with a son and a daughter. He now works as a security guard at the Federal Courthouse in Downtown Montgomery. He played tight end and punter for PHS in the late 1970’s, early 80’s, and played football at Troy State (with Jaimie Hand, Mark Light, and Bobby Caviness). He and Caviness were partners – at one time – for the MPD. Birdman played football for two Bear Bryant disciples as head coaches; Mike DuBose (for one-year at Prattville) and Charlie Bradshaw at TSU.

The Bulletin’s Movie Rankings (from just the Commissioner’s list of Hollywood Throwbacks):

(1) The Best of Times

          You need to see this one. And, we didn’t even get to the MNF scene, or the “horny for a vict’ry.”

(2) The Longest Yard

(3) All the Right Moves

That’s it. In good conscience, we can’t recommend any more. It won’t hurt to let kids under 10, watch “Gus.”

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