Chris, Jerome and Jaimie Hand "coaching 'em up" at halftime at Bryant-Denny Stadium

Cheetahs Smoke the Freebirds:

Late Saturday Night at Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium, Butch Neal and Jaimie Hand fired up stogies in separate sections of the stadium. They were celebrating another Crimson Tide vict’ry – Bama’s sixth in a row. It was a festive weekend in the Big Daddy Football League, on the Third Weekend of October. “Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em,” said a victorious Butch Neal. Meanwhile, in the Lower Bowl, “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand kept saying, “It never gets old.” So, it was a happy time for most of the BDFL faithful. But, on Sunday… it was a different story for half of the league, who felt the pain of defeat in the nation’s most prestigious fantasy football league. In Week 7 in the BDFL, it was Hime and his Freebirds that felt the sting of defeat. The pain was inflicted by the Southside Cheetahs led by a giddy Butch and his runaway Sin Wagon being pulled by Jonathan Taylor and his multiple TD’s on Sunday for the Indy Colts. So, the Cheetahs are rolling, and the Freebirds have their wings clipped again and are beginning to question their life choices.

Sleds Slam Sloths:

Mukes scored 33-points and still absorbed an “A.W.” in Week 7 in the BDFL. That’s hard to believe, but the Shades Creek Sloth Monsters drew the short straw from the Dreaded Schedule Maker. The “Son of Slim” scored enough points to defeat 12 of 16 BDFL teams this past weekend. However, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers were matched up against the fired up and ready, Fairfield PowerSleds. The “Mean Machine” cranked out a weekly high point total of 57-points in Week 7 and that added up to an “A.W.” The Sleds were firing on all cylinders against the Sloths. Earsh were bleeding, horns were blaring, and bells were ringing all over the place as the Sleds celebrated scoring more than half a hundred, and then their fans added insult to injury to the Sloths by chanting their very own version of Rammer Jammer.    

Bullets Shoot Down ‘Nauts:

Bullet & Allyson played until the “echo of the whistle” on Monday Night Football. Both teams exhibited the “will to win,” and gave 110-percent effort on every play. The difference was that QB Jalen Hurts (Eagles) had a better week than QB Baker Mayfield (Bucs). The Benton Bullets drafted Hurts 4th overall, and without a rushing touchdown (tush push), he scored 12-points, and Mayfield for the ‘Nauts only had 3-points on MNF. After the outcome, Allyson wasn’t even that mad as she continued basking in the glow of the cigars and the Tide’s win over UTK on Saturday Night. Like Bama – the Bullets are also on a winning streak. The ol’ Bullerino has now won 3-in-a-row in the BDFL.  

Bellcows Beat Barking Dogs:

Mr. Mark Burr sat comfortably in his comfy and cozy Synaflex Skybox for the first few weeks of the 2025 season in the BDFL. Dog likes his amenities. And, at the start of the season, “Mark’s Mutts” were winning games, making money, and influencing people. Not anymore – the Brookside Dogs were stopped in their tracks in Week 7 in the BDFL by the resurgent Fieldstown Bellcows. David Belrose got the most out of his team this past weekend and it paid off with a 29-18 vict’ry over the Dogs. Only four teams have a record of 5-2 in the BDFL after 7 weeks, but all of them won this past weekend, except the Dogs. The former Super Banker turned Rubber Tycoon is now going to half to come down out of his “ivory tower,” and get to work getting his Dogs to play with an edge again, and to get their bark back.

Gamblers Whip Wildcats:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers have moved to 5-2 on the season, which puts them in a tie for the best record in the league along with the Dogs, Mayors, and PowerSleds. The Gamblers have done it the old fashioned way… they have earned it. This past weekend, the Dixie Mafia upended the Western Hills Wildcats “on the road.” The Real Deal – Kenny Breal – waltzed into Fair Park on the other side of the tracks in Birmingham and did enough little things right to pick up a pivotal vict’ry over the BioCats. As for the “James Gang,” they were humbled at home and their fans are running out of patience. So, Jerry is officially on the “hot seat,” and he’ll need to win some games soon to keep the four-eyed, bookworms, and pseudo-scientists that are the BioCats fanbase happy enough to keep him around.

Mayors Ascend to 5-2 with Gut Check Win:

The Magic City Mayors are marching up the standings in the BDFL. At first glance, the Cronies 5-2 record looks impressive, but Alan has had to show a good deal of intestinal fortitude this season, and win some real “gut check” games in fantasy football. Submitted for your perusal in Week 7, the Mayors fell behind early against the Altadena Bandits. Old Barry’s black Trans Am with the T-tops and the big eagle on the hood, was running strong in the first half against the Cronies. But, the Mayors battled back. They threw up a road block. They played some tenacious defense. They fixed their issues on offense, and pulled out a tough vict’ry on the road. It was a short ride home for the Cronies, and they did not rest on their laurels. The Mayors immediately started getting ready for the Magic City Classic that is scheduled for Saturday at Legion Field, and the event is cloaked in a “carnival type atmosphere,” with pregame activities that have already kicked off from one side of town to the other, including a Tailgate Festival at the Birmingham Race Course with performances by Skull, Cool and the Gang, the Commodores, and Ashanti.

Armadillos Sack Blitz:

Name the team that started out 0-4 this season in the BDFL, bought a spiral-cut ham, visited T-Town, caught some karma, and has now won three-in-a-row. If you named the Duncanville Armadillos, you would be correct. The ‘Dillos are on a winning streak, and they are now a team that you don’t want to face in the Big Daddy Football League. The Druid City Blitz found that out this past weekend. The Gritz Blitz was hit with the viper, the cobra, and the red dog rush on Sunday afternoon at Kentuck Park, and daBlitz knuckled under – under the pressure – from the Armadillos, threw some interceptions, and lost a close one by the final score of 28-25. K.P. & Company are 3-4 on the season and on the brink of respectability in the cyberworld of fantasy football. Vulcans Free Fall

Continues with Loss to Commish:

It’s been a season to forget by the defending champions. The North Birmingham Vulcans have been putrid in 2025. Their stench can be sensed and smelled from Greymont Avenue to Hooper City. At the end of the Week 7 games in the BDFL, the Vulcans took home the appropriate “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award. Nic Hand’s team was defeated by the Commissioner and his Mineral Springs Grenadiers by the final score of 14-10. The Commish would have lost to everyone else in the BDFL this past weekend, but he is secretly the Dreaded Schedule Maker, so… he can thank himself for scheduling the Vulcans on the Third Weekend of October.

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week 7 in the JrBDFL:

In the Junior League, the beleaguered Commissioner – Matthew Hand – lost another game by less than one point. It’s the second time it’s happened to him this season. The “Perc-30” team, led by Connor Perciavalle, defeated Matthew’s Selma Southpaws by 0.12. Connor moves to a JrBDFL best 6-1, while the hard-luck, snake-bitten, Southpaws fall to 1-6. And, just in case you didn’t know, the Southpaws are the Defending Champions. In other action, Meredith Hand picked up her 4th straight vict’ry (even as her college team lost it’s 4th straight). Milton Hand fell to Troy University’s McCain Bergeron by 23 points. Jacob Wood, who was a no show in T-Town, won his game, and Jackson Barnes (Brewton Parker College in South Georgia) won in a blowout to move to 5-2 on the season, and in first place in the East Division of the JrBDFL. By the way, “Perc-30” is in first in the West. “It hurts,” said Matthew. “I’m not gonna lie. But, the Tide is rolling… so, we got that going for us.” He also agreed it was “$#!&-pot luck”.