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The Wizard's Annual
Predictions
For The
2009 GRS Season
After suffering through
a surprisingly inaccurate forecast for the 2008 season,
which the Great Wizardo attributes to global warming, the
Wizard is set to return to his usually stunningly accurate
prognostications in 2009 after doing an overhaul on his
crystal balls. So without any further ado, be prepared to be
amazed by the Great Wizardo’s brilliant, witty, sometimes
controversial, but always entertaining prognostications on
how the seven competitors in the GRS will fare this season.
Buckett
 An
impressive finish by Buckett in 2008 landed him the
runner-up spot in the GRS, but as Dale Earnhardt used to
say, “Second place is just the first loser.” Still, only a
Herculean performance by Jaimie prevented Buckett from
walking off with a second title in four years plus the
endless amount of chatter that would poured forth from him
to boot. Buckett’s 2009 draft was low key from start to
finish, but although his four team stable may not visit
victory lane a single time this season, they may combine to
put Buckett at the top of the GRS heap come November.
Greg Biffle
started the
draft off for Buckett as the 7th and final
selection in the first round. A very solid pick, if a
decidedly unimaginative one, that should result in
consistent finishes in and around the top 10, but probably
not much else. With the first pick of the second round and 8th
overall, Bucket went after the ageless Mark Martin
who continues to post one strong run after another, and
likely won’t slow down enough for anyone to notice in the 8
car this year. With the 21st overall selection,
Buckett gambled a little in taking the 1 car and Martin
Truex, Jr. Again, you may not see Truex, Jr. in victory
lane much, if any, but he will outperform the expectations
of lesser prognosticators, which compared to the Wizard is
everyone else. Brian Vickers rounded out Buckett’s
draft and was strong for most of 2008 before cooling the
last quarter of the season. Staying more consistent could
give Buckett a deep bench headed down the homestretch.
Jaimie
 Coming
off of a dominating 2008 performance that culminated in his
first championship in the modern era of the GRS, Jaimie
spent most of the off season doin’ drugs, listenin’ to Mick
Jagger music, and bad mouthin’ his country. However, with
the 2009 season upon us, Jaimie had to kick it back in gear
starting with the draft. Watching
Jeff Gordon
fall into
his lap in the three hole must have seemed like manna from
heaven despite a lackluster 2008 campaign by the Dupont
Chevy, at least by Gordo standards. Still, Gordon is one of
NASCAR’s truly elite drivers and should bring Jaimie good
value when all is said and done. In the second round, 12th
pick overall, the Wooden Warrior selected the 29 ride and
Kevin Harvick, a nice pick for a driver that truly seems
to be coming into his own if last season was any indication.
Even better, Jaimie was an all-Chevy show at this point
which was sure to make D.K. Hand prouder than a struttin’
rooster. However, storm clouds began to gather on the
horizon when Jaimie went with Jamie McMurray, a
middle of the pack driver in a middle of the pack car. While
this will garner the occasional good finish, McMurray will
disappoint more often than not. The clouds on the horizon
turned into a thunder burst when Jaimie inexplicably drafted
Bobby Labonte in the 4th round, 26th
selection overall. Granted, the pickings were slim, but
Labonte is well past the point where he will stick his car
in the right place often enough to win races, something that
assumes he has the car under him that will allow Labonte to
do so if he wanted. The HOF team may have its owners in
Canton, but that doesn’t cut much ice in the GRS. It’s not
where you start that matters, but where you finish, and
Jaimie personified that by starting strong and finishing
lukewarm weak, which will dash his hopes of a repeat title.
Chris
 After
a string of three titles in four years, the Chris Hand
dynasty has been out of the hunt relatively early the past
few seasons, but is eager to snag a 4th title
with his patented “big balls, big hauls” strategy. The
NashVegas elitist started his draft by taking
Kyle “Pyle”
Busch in the
18 car as the fourth overall selection. It’s hard for the
Wizard to argue with Busch, who is even hungrier in 2009
after following a dominant 2008 regular season with a fade
in the Chase that even Jaimie would be ashamed of, a driver
that will always take his car to the front whenever
possible, whether there’s room or not. I wouldn’t expect the
same number of wins from the 18 in ‘09, but his point total
will still help propel Chris into the lead draft. The
Wolfback’s next pick, Kasey Kahne in the 9 car,
continued his “man crush” on the dashing young NASCAR driver
with a huge following of adoring female fans but a thin
resume to back it up. The Wizard says that Kahne can drive,
but isn’t so sure his team has the horses to keep pace with
him or the rest of the field, which may prove to be an
Achille’s heel to Chris when bench strength becomes a
priority. In true “scoot over, my nads are riding shotgun”
fashion, Chris went with the unproven but wildly talented 18
year old Joey “Bag-a-donuts” Logano, who takes over for Tony
Stewart in the 20 car. Teaming up with a proven winner in
Joe Gibbs will give Logano his best chance to become one of
NASCAR’s elite drivers, but with no off season testing
allowed, desperately needed wheel time has been in short
supply, an issue that may keep Logano from becoming a force
in 2009 until it’s too late. With a sharp drop off in talent
over the last several selections, Chris made the most of it
by pulling Dave Stremme out of the pack in the 12 car
formerly occupied by Ryan Newman. The 12 is a solid, if
unspectacular, ride but also gives Chris at least five
guaranteed starts for Stremme to get in a groove.
Ultimately, it will be the suspect Kahne selection that
prevents Chris from garnering #4 with Logano picking up the
slack too late in the day to make a difference.
The Wizard
 Another
disappointing season in 2008 has been the norm for the
Wizard the past several seasons, but he vows to turn things
around in 2009. First up in the rebuilding process was
Denny Hamlin
in the Fed
Ex 11 ride, a Wizard favorite that tends to run strong
consistently although Hamlin didn’t finish well enough, or
often enough, to make nearly the splash he could have last
season. Any hopes the Wizard has of returning to the top
will ride heavily on the 11 finishing races with a flourish.
Next up, it didn’t take the Wizard long to stir up serious
controversy with his second selection, 10th
overall, when he went with Clint Bowyer from the RCR
stable. Relying on 2008 results, the Wizard inadvertently
listed Bowyer as still being in the aught seven Jack Daniels
car even though new teammate Casey Mears was now flying the
Jack Daniels colors. GRS consigliore Barry Stephenson
immediately cried foul, as any good politician would, with
old crony Buckett piling on for good measure, in claiming
that the car takes precedence when there is a dispute
between it and the driver. However, in failing to recognize
the difference between apples and oranges (a difference the
Wizard knows all too well living in the Sunshine State),
Barry’s protest was brushed aside after a fierce but short
lived flare up. Just as the dust began to settle, the Wizard
couldn’t help taking one more trip around the parking lot
slinging gravel and puttin’ a ton a dust in the air by
taking Casey Mears in the aught seven J.D. car in the
third round, who was part of the second round controversy,
just to rile up the local rabble. While the Wizard was in
full dog vomit sniffing mode in the third round after taking
a long sniff at Juan Pablo Montoya, one of the architects of
his demise the past two years, the Wizard passed and with
little to choose from took a flyer on IRL star Scott
Speed despite having visions of the “Dario Franshitti”
disaster (Wizard’s Note: three-time champ Chris Hand gets
credit for hanging this moniker on Franchitti after what
could only be described as his calamitous foray into NASCAR
in 2008. However, it still does not stop the Wizard from
telling everyone the name was his idea.) that Barry went
through in 2008. Speed has a load of talent and a mouth to
match but driving stock cars at close quarters is much
different from steering open wheel cars through space. How
fast Speed navigates that curve will determine what, if any,
impact he will have this season.
Barry
 2008
dawned as the year that Barry would finally break the glass
ceiling and
capture a GRS
title. With a
strong front three and the potential of IRL champ Dario
Franchitti making a big splash, hope abounded in the
Stephenson camp this time a year ago. While Barry still
managed to grab the last “money” spot, a mere five points
total from Franchitti, later aptly dubbed “Franshitti” by
Chris Hand, all season (a point total even lower than Hut
Stricklin and an infamous record unlikely to ever be broken.)
all but ended his chances at the title despite what looked
like an unbeatable combination. Nevertheless, after
salvaging a “money” spot in 2008, Barry was back and ready
to make yet another charge up San Juan Hill, not unlike his
GOP hero Teddy Roosevelt, and started by taking the very
steady Matt
Kenseth,
who consistently
finds himself in the Chase though not in the winner’s circle
as much as he would like. Still Kenseth should deliver
plenty of points no matter how many, or few, times he takes
the checkers. Barry followed up Kenseth in the second round,
9th overall, with Junior. While the Wizard is not
particularly a fan of Earnhardt, Jr.s, his legion of fans
would like nothing better than to see him follow his Daddy’s
footsteps in winning a NASCAR title, something Barry
wouldn’t mind either. In the end Junior is a driver that
will likely not find victory lane very often, if any, in
2009 but his typically fast starts should help propel Barry
into the mix early. It’s how Junior finishes the season that
could, and likely will, decide Barry’s fate. The other Busch
brother was next for Barry as he drafted Kurt Busch
in the little deuce coupe as his third round selection, 20th
overall. Busch has struggled since coming to Penske but did
show a few flashes of his old form in 2008. Nevertheless,
the best Busch can hope for is an Academy Award nod for
“best supporting actor” because his team is not ready to
carry the load. With his last pick, 23rd overall,
Barry couldn’t resist a former IRL driver when he took
Juan Pablo Montoya in the fourth round. After a
promising rookie year, Montoya fell victim to a “sophomore
jinx” last year and left the Wizard sniffing dog vomit
because of it. If Barry is doing the same this time next
year, it will signal his 2009 hopes were equally as futile
as in 2008.
Jack
 In
the past few years the two things “Smilin’” Jack Barnes has
racked up with equal aplomb have been GRS titles and rug
rats, and starting Sunday at Daytona Jack will begin his
quest to notch yet another title in his belt. And judging
from his first
round selection, 1st overall, Jack was more than
nimble and quick when he welcomed the 99 car and
Carl Edwards
to his
stable. Despite
notching the most wins in Sprint Cup in 2008, Edwards still
came up just short of taking the title, something that will likely make
him even hungrier to move up one more spot in the final
standings. Barring unforeseen circumstances, Edwards will be in the
mix to win on any given day and is a safe bet to be at or
somewhere near the top of the GRS point totals come
November. Next up for Jack in the second round, 14th
selection overall, was the ever steady
Jeff Burton in the #31 RCR ride. While Burton is not a
threat to win more than a race or two a season at best, his
ability to avoid trouble and keep his car in the top 10
ranks with anyone else in the series. Consistent 15
or 16 point days are all Jack wants from Burton, and is what
he’ll probably get. In the third round, 15th
overall selection, Jack walked away with one of NASCAR’s
young guns in David Ragan. Though slightly under the radar
screen, Ragan’s star is on the rise and his Rousch powered
car should pile up the points. With the last and 28th
overall selection, Jack went with David Reutimann in
the double aught car. While Reutimann is a respectable
driver, being part of the Michael Waltrip stable does not
bode that well for him although given what else was left,
it’s hard to argue with Jack’s choice.
Bullet
 Bullet
has spent so much time in the GRS cellar over the years that
he began paying rent last season after yet another exercise
in futility that had him well out of the hunt before
Memorial Day. Even earlier than that if you want to talk
specifics. However, the number 2 drafting spot proved to be
a gift that even Bullet couldn’t screw up as he took
Jimmie
Johnson
in the #48 Lowe’s
Chevrolet. Coming off three straight titles it is impossible
to argue with this pick and should give Bullet more than a
fighting chance to get out of the cellar and perhaps make
some noise for a change. In the second round, 13th
overall, Bullet began reaching by drafting Tony Stewart
in the newly formed Stewart/Haas team. While Stewart can
saw on the wheel as well as anyone in NASCAR, it is hard to
imagine he will be near the force this season as in the past
as he largely builds a team from the ground up. In a year or
two Stewart will surely go higher than this, but he arguably
should have gone lower in 2009. Staying the course with
Stewart/Haas, Bullet went after Ryan Newman who
largely underachieved in Penske’s 12 car in spite of winning
the Daytona 500 last year. In fact, Newman’s rapid rise
early in his career saw an equally rapid descent once the
compound of the Goodyear rubber put more emphasis on drivers
taking care of their tires versus the harder compounds that
seemed to withstand any abuse the drivers (think Newman)
could throw at them. Ultimately, this will be a regrettable
pick. In the final round, 27th overall, Bullet
gambled on the young, unproven Aric Almirola who is now in
Junior’s old ride. While Amirola certainly has potential, a
five race sponsorship package and a suspect team puts a huge
emphasis on him starting fast. As long as he stays in the
top 35, Almirola probably has sponsorship, and Bullet a
chance to escape being at the end of the train. Still,
Almirola may end up posting considerably more points than
Newman when the points are tallied.
Predicted Order of Finish
(Plus bonus witty,
insightful, often brilliant commentary)
7. Bullet:
“Bullet won’t need to click his ruby red slippers three
times to know he’s at home.”
6. Jeff:
“Dangerously too close to ‘Franshitti’ territory to make a
true run at a long overdue 2nd title.”
5. Chris:
“Will get his nads nipped before all is said and done.”
4. Jaimie: “Respectable…but
little else.”
3. Buckett:
“Will
make plenty of noise during the year before settling for
‘the money’…of course, Buckett will make plenty of noise
regardless of his finish…”
2. Jack:
“Close
but no cigar on a 3rd title. Better luck with the
rug rats…”
1. Barry:
“Nothing intimidating about Barry’s line-up, but consistency
will be his trump card.”
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